|
| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE |
|
User no longer registered.
|
A colder future generation?
This was on my local news this morning, I don't have children, so how schools handle things and how parents feel about it is something I can only guess at, what do you think of this? Do your schools have rules against displaying affection, I can see a need to maybe keep kids from making out in the hallways (hey, like I use to do in highschool!) or to teach children that they must be aware of when it is right or wrong to put their hands on another person, but geez...it seems almost like it's an easier route to ban affection alltogether, then teach when it is appropriate...will children learn to be colder, more distant from their fellow beings?
The second detention for this girl came after she hugged her two friends at the end of school Friday because they would not see each other over the weekend.
She just couldn't help herself from doing something so natural to her...she would miss her friends and wanted to hug them, and her friends felt the same way!
*******************************************
KTVI-myFOXstl.com) -- A debate over public displays of affection at school ends with a Mascoutah, Illinois eighth grader getting two detentions after hugging two fellow students. The eighth grader and her parents are upset and saying the district is overreacting.
|
| November 6, 2007, 11:04 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I think that's absolutely absurd! I can understand if she was walking down the hall holding hands with her boyfriend or kissing him.. and they do have rules about that of which I'm thankful! But hugging a friend? Every time I have to bring something to the office that my kids forgot, I see one of their friends and they give me a hug. They've never gotten in trouble for it. It's a sign of friendship and caring. I'm glad that her parents are upset about the detentions. As long as they teach her how to be a compassionate person, there's nothing the school can ever do to change that!
|
| November 6, 2007, 11:15 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I'm pretty sure there's no rules against it at our school. My son told me the other day that my daughter's friend embarrassed him. I asked him how. He didn't want to tell me at first. He finally told me that she walked up to him and gave him a hug... he even blushed when he told me about it  
I honestly think that as long as the parents stay involved in their child's live and teach them that compassion for one another is a good thing, the future generation will be just fine 
|
| November 6, 2007, 11:19 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Ya know, I just can't imagine my own childhood being without best friends holding hands and skipping across the playground during recess, I can't imagine any child feeling any doubt as to whether it's okay or not to hug or be hugged!
|
| November 6, 2007, 11:19 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: Re: A colder future generation?
QUOTE (MoonHowler @ November 6, 2007, 11:19)I'm pretty sure there's no rules against it at our school. My son told me the other day that my daughter's friend embarrassed him. I asked him how. He didn't want to tell me at first. He finally told me that she walked up to him and gave him a hug... he even blushed when he told me about it
I honestly think that as long as the parents stay involved in their child's live and teach them that compassion for one another is a good thing, the future generation will be just fine
Your kids are lucky !!!!  
|
| November 6, 2007, 12:04 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
What is the world coming too.........
Showing affection is the most natural thing in the world.
(As long as they don't go overboad)that is....lol
|
| November 6, 2007, 14:15 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I get to see this on both sides, i have children and i teach in a senior school.
Over here you are not allowed to put your hands on the students. You can restrain them in a certain way, if they are a threat to themselves or another.
However, i do cuddle a child if they are upset, i mess around with the students playfully pushing them ect and they do it in return.
I have always had a great relationship with the students, they call me a legend which is a major compliment. I have heard students telling other staff, to take their hands off them or i will get you done!!!
I would like a staff member to show affection to my boys if they were upset and have no problem with them having a laugh ect with them. Things are to much for the children and not the adult. The boundaries are to far away and the children know their rights and play on them.
I do assert my authority when needed and the students know their boundaries with me, so i am lucky. My boys know to respect their elders, but i don't agree with you respect the teacher and they will respect you, it should be a mutual thing on both sides. You earn respect.
|
| November 6, 2007, 16:39 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Theres is no problem with students showing affection to each other, you always see girls holding hands with boyfriends and girls hugging each other, There is nothing wrong with that what so ever.
|
| November 6, 2007, 17:37 |
|
40something
57 / female
In the Sun, Arizona, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I think there has been just one too many students running away with their teachers to not have to teach our children "appropriate" touching. It is too difficult to explain to young children how to interpret good and bad touches so it is easier to say "No touching". Sad, but true. On the other hand school is for learning - home is for the love and support each child needs to grow well.
|
| November 6, 2007, 23:05 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
It's not entirely out of the ordinary for kids to be punished for hugging in schools.
Seems excessive, but it's pretty par-for-the-course.
|
| November 7, 2007, 00:02 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: A colder future generation?
QUOTE (40something @ November 6, 2007, 23:05)I think there has been just one too many students running away with their teachers to not have to teach our children "appropriate" touching. It is too difficult to explain to young children how to interpret good and bad touches so it is easier to say "No touching". Sad, but true. On the other hand school is for learning - home is for the love and support each child needs to grow well.
I have to disagree with that, some children don't get affection at home, and can get even worse.
I am excellent at my job and all the children i come into contact with know the difference between caring and something else. What a sad world we live in when no-one can show a caring concerned emotion to a child in their care. I have worked with 80% of my students all through their school life, they trust me and confide in me, i know i make a difference to them, and i'm glad i do.
One thing that i do get concerned about is how many young girls are sexually active with boys.
|
| November 7, 2007, 09:46 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I have to agree with pook on this one. As sad as it is, there are a growing number of cases of teachers molesting their students. I believe that teachers can show they care through words just as well as any physical contact. Most of them won't make any physical contact for fear of being accused of something. It's very sad but it's the safest route to go in this day and age. But for a teacher to take a child aside and have a heart to heart talk with them when they see the child has a problem is commendable in itself.
As far as boyfriends and girlfriends holding hands. I still stick with my original opinion. There's a time and a place for that and it's not walking through the halls at school!
|
| November 7, 2007, 10:01 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
It is so sad that we now live in a society where an adult, whether it be a teacher or even a parent feels they can't show harmless affection/caring for a child because they will be labelled as someone who might abuse them. My dad used to feel uncomfortable with my niece when she was young if they were on their own, how dare people make someone feel like that. Sorry slightly 
I agree students don't need to be kissing in school as it isn't what their there for, holding hands i don't think is a problem.
|
| November 7, 2007, 10:08 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
"It is so sad that we now live in a society where an adult, whether it be a teacher or even a parent feels they can't show harmless affection/caring for a child because they will be labelled as someone who might abuse them."
I'm definitely not one of those parents. But yeah, for the teachers, it is sad... but I didn't make the rules or start accusations. It's just the way the world is heading.
As for holding hands.... that's not what they're there for, either. They're there to learn.
|
| November 7, 2007, 10:18 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
In my school it is the older students, i worry about how young the students are who you over hear do more then hold hands and kiss, it seems they nthink it is normal to do more with a boy. When i was young most girls waited till 18 or above, i've over heard girls as young as 12 talking. That is something that needs to be addressed i think in schools. I would be devistated if one of my boys was intimate with a girl. I agree students are their to learn they need to stay young as long as possible. They should enjoy their school life and their teenage years and leave the boy stuff till their older. Lifes to short and we grow up way to quick.
|
| November 7, 2007, 10:29 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Amen! I told my daughter that she can't get married til she's 40!
Seriously, though... They had a program at the high school and junior high last year about abstinence. What I really liked about it is that they invited the parents to a presentation the night before to show us what they would and would not be discussing with each age group. They sent home a note for parents to sign stating whether they would or would not allow their kids to attend the assembly. I let my daughter attend. I also bought the book and cd that gives parents ideas on how to talk to their kids about sex and answer the tough questions. These people go around to schools all over Texas and I think it's great! I'll send you the web site and let you check it out for yourself.
|
| November 7, 2007, 10:40 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Thanks that sound like a good thing to have in school. I try to tell mine and others who will ask advice, that there is no rush and if they get pressure from their friends to go futhur with a boy, then they aren't true friends. And no-one should put them in that position.
(These positions are much more fun when you're older).
|
| November 7, 2007, 11:02 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I know a lot of teenage kids, some relatives and others kids of friends. I find the young girls who are still young and enjoying their teen years like HBG said to be soooo refreshing. I have friends in chicago who I visited recently. They have a 14 yr old girl, she couldn't wait till I got there to show me her doll collection and told me all about them, names , likes dislikes etc. It was so refreshing and cool. They do exist , they aren't all trying to impress the boys
|
| November 7, 2007, 13:31 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: A colder future generation?
QUOTE (pookhabear @ November 7, 2007, 13:31)I know a lot of teenage kids, some relatives and others kids of friends. I find the young girls who are still young and enjoying their teen years like HBG said to be soooo refreshing. I have friends in chicago who I visited recently. They have a 14 yr old girl, she couldn't wait till I got there to show me her doll collection and told me all about them, names , likes dislikes etc. It was so refreshing and cool. They do exist , they aren't all trying to impress the boys
That's how it should be. All my nieces are 12 - 17 and luckily they take after me and are too interested in their horses and competing to worry about boys!!!
There are some real hunks at the competitions, sorry bad girl!!! 
|
| November 7, 2007, 16:37 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I'm sure the girls notice that also. Up to and even into college I would take a pick-up basketball game over a girl anytime Now that I look back on that Now that's something I might have changed if I knew then what I do now
|
| November 7, 2007, 17:42 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: A colder future generation?
QUOTE (pookhabear @ November 7, 2007, 13:31)I know a lot of teenage kids, some relatives and others kids of friends. I find the young girls who are still young and enjoying their teen years like HBG said to be soooo refreshing. I have friends in chicago who I visited recently. They have a 14 yr old girl, she couldn't wait till I got there to show me her doll collection and told me all about them, names , likes dislikes etc. It was so refreshing and cool. They do exist , they aren't all trying to impress the boys
That is sweet!
Gawd, I remember I was about 10 years old when I started menustrating and sprouted boobies...it was horrible...it happened quick and bam...the whole world looked at me different, treated me different...it seemed so unfair that all of sudden, men leered, boys were so vulgar, even my girl friends seemed confused...so unfair cuz I wasn't even done playing with dolls yet.
|
| November 7, 2007, 18:45 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: Re: Re: A colder future generation?
QUOTE (Chazzy @ November 7, 2007, 18:45) QUOTE (pookhabear @ November 7, 2007, 13:31)I know a lot of teenage kids, some relatives and others kids of friends. I find the young girls who are still young and enjoying their teen years like HBG said to be soooo refreshing. I have friends in chicago who I visited recently. They have a 14 yr old girl, she couldn't wait till I got there to show me her doll collection and told me all about them, names , likes dislikes etc. It was so refreshing and cool. They do exist , they aren't all trying to impress the boys
That is sweet!
Gawd, I remember I was about 10 years old when I started menustrating and sprouted boobies...it was horrible...it happened quick and bam...the whole world looked at me different, treated me different...it seemed so unfair that all of sudden, men leered, boys were so vulgar, even my girl friends seemed confused...so unfair cuz I wasn't even done playing with dolls yet.
Society does suck.it does force girls to grow up so fast. Just look at advertisements, tv shows, even kids shows. it's all about the body and what they should look like and act like.Then you get the likes of Britney, Lindsay, Paris. Great examples to follow. It really is sad.
|
| November 7, 2007, 22:05 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Yes, we do live in a much colder world, and its getting colder by the minute. Kids are in school to learn, but you can not learn everything from books. They have to learn socialisation skills also. Does it mean that if a teacher gives a child a friendly pat on the back or a little hug or shake their hand, that they are a pedophile. I think not. If a parent hugs, kisses, cuddles with their children, that they are pedophiles. I think not. But this is what I'm hearing. All this public displays of affection ban's, sexual harassment has gotten way out of hand. Hell you can't even look at another person anymore with out some asshole accusing you of sexual harassment. Whats going to happen when you start to hug your children in public, and then someone accuses you of being a pedophile? We're on track for that to happen, and soon. The cases of parents abusing their kids is much greater than cases of a teacher or stranger abusing someone elses children.
What we should be teaching our kids, that its OK for someone to show affection for them, but as always, there are boundries and we need to teach our children what those boundries are.
|
| November 9, 2007, 09:31 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: A colder future generation?
QUOTE (funlovingpair @ November 9, 2007, 09:31)Yes, we do live in a much colder world, and its getting colder by the minute. Kids are in school to learn, but you can not learn everything from books. They have to learn socialisation skills also. Does it mean that if a teacher gives a child a friendly pat on the back or a little hug or shake their hand, that they are a pedophile. I think not. If a parent hugs, kisses, cuddles with their children, that they are pedophiles. I think not. But this is what I'm hearing. All this public displays of affection ban's, sexual harassment has gotten way out of hand. Hell you can't even look at another person anymore with out some asshole accusing you of sexual harassment. Whats going to happen when you start to hug your children in public, and then someone accuses you of being a pedophile? We're on track for that to happen, and soon. The cases of parents abusing their kids is much greater than cases of a teacher or stranger abusing someone elses children.
What we should be teaching our kids, that its OK for someone to show affection for them, but as always, there are boundries and we need to teach our children what those boundries are.
You make an excellent point that there are some things that can't be taught in books.... But with that said, I believe that "that" part of life is up to the parents to teach to their children. Teachers don't get paid enough to raise our children, nor should they have to. That's another sad thing. Some people actually expect teachers to teach what they themselves should be teaching and that's not right! I still think a teacher can show affection, compassion and support for a child with words... words can be a strong healer at times.... But it's up to the parents to teach their children life lessons... respect, etc....
|
| November 9, 2007, 09:36 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Kudos, couldn't agree more FLP, problem with that is the parents. From getting to know the people here, I would guess 99.9% of them have and do teach their children these differences. Problem comes from the parents who want to leave it up to everyone else to do it, they don't have the time or desire to be real parents. It really is sad, I wouldn't want to raise children today. I applaud the folks on here who are, all seem like real cool parents
|
| November 9, 2007, 09:42 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Moon, I will agree with you. But absolutly nothing speaks louder than a friendly hug. Lets face it, our teachers are the subistute parents. Not that we like it, but its still a realality. We cannot stay at our children sides every minute of every day, and the kids need to know that it will be OK. We all know that both parents and teachers have abused children since the beginning of time. But before, it was something that was always kept hush hush. We all knew who it was that was abused, and we always knew who did it. But you never talked about it. Nothing has changed, its just more news worthy now. I think we still need to teach the kids how to be affectionate with other people, but as always, within the boundries. Sometime I wonder if this isn't part of the reason that people are getting divorced in record numbers. Showing how we feel about one another through touch is not a bad thing.
|
| November 9, 2007, 09:51 |
|
darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Its ashame.
everyday we are closer to "personal-space isolation"
long live fear and paranoia...
Stay outta the urban areas, folks...you may just keep your humanity longer...
|
| November 9, 2007, 11:35 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
It is so hard for teachers and support staff in schools, you feel you can't have a child in your office unless the door is open or their is someone there with you. But some children might need to speak to you in complete confidence and this puts them off. You hear some terrible things from students about home life and it is hard, as all you want to do is hug them and try to help in anyway you can. It is hard for me as i have a really strong motherly side and i just want to protect all my students and the reality is, i can't.
|
| November 9, 2007, 12:02 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
It's just a very sad thing, that there is such a rule anywhere against little classmates giving each other a hug.
|
| November 9, 2007, 15:39 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
The sadest thing is, the poor actions of a few, have enraged all of us to think that everyone is out to harm a child or someone else.
I know of a fellow who worked in a school, elementary school, and if it wasn't for the fact that he took the time to show a little girl that someone did actually cared about her, they would have never found out that it was the little girl's father who was abusing her. The school officals knew that she was being abused, but she would never open up to anyone, until that one day when this fellow gave her a hug. Then she couldn't help but still her guts.
Like I said before, and I'll say again and again, touching a child, ie hug, is not a bad thing, when, of course, it is done in the appropiate manor and within the bounderies which are acceptable.
|
| November 9, 2007, 20:27 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
|
| November 9, 2007, 20:32 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
What's really scary is that many pedophiles, even the life long serial pedophiles gain access to their child victims through the parents and family of the child...they first gain the trust of the parents, then begins the abuse of the child.
It's hard to tell if a coach, or scout leader is a moral upright person who wants to invest in the future generation...or if they are a hardcore pedophile...cuz on the outside, they appear to be the same.
|
| November 9, 2007, 20:35 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
i used to coach my kids little league teams and everyone loved the president of the league. Outgoing friendly , great with kids. he coached a girls team and always the girls all stars. he was never accused of being a ped but I met a girl years later , his niece, who said he was a peeping tom and that was supported by some of his neighbors who are friends of mine all women. Soooo you never know. certainly changed my opinion of him. I'd never let him coach my daughter
|
| November 9, 2007, 21:12 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I had to make a comment regarding the students hugging and the teacher thing so many of you have mentioned.
I was abused for most of my childhood, and not by a teacher but a close family member. If it wasn't for the hugs my friends gave me at school everyday, and the help two TEACHERS gave me to stop this, i wouldn't be here now.
I feel very strongly about the comments made towards teachers, they do a great job and there maybe the odd bad one, but there is in every walk of life. My teachers saved my life and i knew the difference between a hug from them and a hug from my abuser.
I just hope HBG didn't feel hurt by some of the comments made towards teachers, i think you are an amazing person and any child is very lucky to have a caring considerate person there they can turn to.
School was my only escape and when my friends saw me so upset and scared they would hug me and hold my arm, and that kept me strong. There could be so many reasons a child has hugged another, it doesn't matter if it happens in school, that hug could have made such a difference.
|
| November 11, 2007, 08:35 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I also get the impressin that HBG is an awesome teacher but I don't think anyone is saying teachers are bad. The general feeling here seems to be that it is difficult to judge in any walk of life who can be trusted, hence the rules and regulations. In any profession the tenth of one percent that are bad make it difficult on the others, unfortunately
|
| November 11, 2007, 08:42 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I would also like to say, that i now work legally helping abused children/adults and believe me, children definitely know the difference between a hug of affection and caring and ones from abusers,
In most cases of alleged abuse towards teachers, it is because the student has a dislike for the person.
I am a lawyer and this is the field i work in, but i agree, there are a small amount in all walks of life who use their position in the wrong way. Because we only here the bad, any good gets ignored and that is very sad.
|
| November 11, 2007, 08:59 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Yep pookha, it's sad that we live in a world where "pedophile paranoia" is a necessary thing.
|
| November 11, 2007, 09:00 |
|
pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
Just an added note. HBG you could be my teacher anyday. I don't really know you but from what I see here, you could teach my kids and hug them all you want
|
| November 11, 2007, 09:26 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I teach my children about personal space and affection is definitely a "should" in children's lives. My daughter's teachers have always told me she is the most compassionate child they have ever met at her age (7). I think there is a balance in teaching them when and where it is appropriate.
It didn't matter much to me...LOL...I spent many a day running around the outdoor track for PDA's with my boyfriends, being an athlete it was my coach's way of keeping me "in control" which honestly did not work! I managed to get around holding hands and kissing whenever I wanted too...didn't hurt that one of the coach's asked me out on a date after I'd graduated from high school...he said, "you know, I'm not really that much older than you are (and he wasn't at 24)." Guess I could have gotten out of those laps if I was just kissing the coach...LOL.
|
| November 11, 2007, 15:49 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: A colder future generation?
QUOTE (pookhabear @ November 11, 2007, 09:26)
Thank you 
|
| November 11, 2007, 15:52 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: A colder future generation?
I see a win win here for me. I could and and cuddle with HBG. Then when someone didn't like it and I got into trouble, Prettyplze could defend me.  
|
| November 11, 2007, 16:42 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
|
| November 11, 2007, 16:55 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: A colder future generation?
The update is...the parents and the school dean have met, and decided to just let the whole thing go! I guess that means the little girl will not be serving the detention.
|
| November 12, 2007, 22:59 |
|
|
