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From the "A" list to the "D" list......
An inevitable occurrence has happened upon me. My best friend has found other friends to occupy her spare time since her divorce over a year ago. Once, while she was married, she and I along with our spouses, were inseparable. We vacationed together, partied together, skied together and did pretty much everything as a foursome. All that has changed!
Now, that she has gotten herself a new boyfriend, we hardly see each other any more. If we do, it's maybe over dinner but that's about it. No more vacations or partying or skiing together.
Maybe it's her new boyfriend's uneasiness with what we had in the past. Maybe he feels somewhat threatened. I don't know.
I believe that old saying "you can't go home". I'm not naive. Things happen for a reason. I'm just depressed over this.
Does anyone have anything to convey that might help get me past this?
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| September 24, 2007, 09:36 |
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
When a couple breaks up, it can be hard on everyone else too.
When I became engaged to my husband, he was very insecure with the wide circle of varied friends I had, I gave them all up...it was sad to do but to fill that void, I made my friends right here online.
Sometimes...it's just time to move on, move forward and quit looking back. Who can say that what may be up ahead for you won't be even better than what you leave behind.
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| September 24, 2007, 13:37 |
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Re: Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
QUOTE (Chazzy @ September 24, 2007, 13:37)When a couple breaks up, it can be hard on everyone else too.
When I became engaged to my husband, he was very insecure with the wide circle of varied friends I had, I gave them all up...it was sad to do but to fill that void, I made my friends right here online.
Sometimes...it's just time to move on, move forward and quit looking back. Who can say that what may be up ahead for you won't be even better than what you leave behind.
Chazzy, that's why you get the big paycheck! You defined my situation perfectly. It's was right there in front of me all the time. The sad part is, I didn't want to see it.
So I guess it's time to move on. I'll distance myself from her in the hope that I can accept what is!!
Hey we had a good run as best friends (13 years). Nothing lasts forever. Everything changes. I'm still sad though...... 
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| September 26, 2007, 23:10 |
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
I do think it's sad anyone has to give up their friends due to a new partners insecurities.
I don't believe anyone has the right to expect you to do that. My friends are so important in my life and have been for most of it, that no new partner would ever make me walk away from them.
Not saying it is wrong if anyone has had to do that, it is just how i feel.
Friends are the one you turn to when things get tough, especially at home. They are the ones you can be completely yourself with, as they have known you the longest. And i couldn't not see them, they know too much about me, so i need to keep an eye on them!!! 
VB your friend will realize she needs the friends she left behind just as much as she needs that special someone in her life. We have enough of ourselves to to go around.
I hope you are just as close again soon.
And Chazzy, you are a warm kind hearted person who must attract friends like bees to honey. 
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| September 27, 2007, 06:09 |
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pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
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Re: Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
QUOTE (Chazzy @ September 24, 2007, 13:37)When a couple breaks up, it can be hard on everyone else too.
When I became engaged to my husband, he was very insecure with the wide circle of varied friends I had, I gave them all up...it was sad to do but to fill that void, I made my friends right here online.
Sometimes...it's just time to move on, move forward and quit looking back. Who can say that what may be up ahead for you won't be even better than what you leave behind.
when I got married , my ex was very insecure with all my friends so I lost touch until one day I woke up and realized I had given up so much of who I really was. I was leading a false life. Once I got divorced, friends and relatives said this is the Dennis we remember. Divorce was difficult but being real was much easier. I learrned to never compromise who I was for anyone. If you try to change someone you are changing who they are
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| September 27, 2007, 08:16 |
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
I haven't lost who I am, I am and always have been a person who can adapt to change and redirect myself.
You're good people to be concerned for me! 
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| September 27, 2007, 12:31 |
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pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
You seem and I'm sure you are a wonderful person and proud to say i have met you   
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| September 27, 2007, 14:08 |
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
Hey, I'm lookin' at it this way....if I had not given up all my friends when I married, I would never have stumbled across this site and made all the new and dear friends that
I have here!
...and making many more new ones everyday.
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| September 27, 2007, 15:03 |
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
QUOTE (voyeurbill @ September 24, 2007, 09:36)An inevitable occurrence has happened upon me. My best friend has found other friends to occupy her spare time since her divorce over a year ago. Once, while she was married, she and I along with our spouses, were inseparable. We vacationed together, partied together, skied together and did pretty much everything as a foursome. All that has changed!
Now, that she has gotten herself a new boyfriend, we hardly see each other any more. If we do, it's maybe over dinner but that's about it. No more vacations or partying or skiing together.
Maybe it's her new boyfriend's uneasiness with what we had in the past. Maybe he feels somewhat threatened. I don't know.
I believe that old saying "you can't go home". I'm not naive. Things happen for a reason. I'm just depressed over this.
Does anyone have anything to convey that might help get me past this?
Just be happy that you got to spend the time together that you did. Like they say, "its better to have loved than not at all" ... (i'm going blank.. not sure if i put that right, at the moment) You'll be okay.
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| September 27, 2007, 21:28 |
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Re: Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ September 27, 2007, 21:28) QUOTE (voyeurbill @ September 24, 2007, 09:36)An inevitable occurrence has happened upon me. My best friend has found other friends to occupy her spare time since her divorce over a year ago. Once, while she was married, she and I along with our spouses, were inseparable. We vacationed together, partied together, skied together and did pretty much everything as a foursome. All that has changed!
Now, that she has gotten herself a new boyfriend, we hardly see each other any more. If we do, it's maybe over dinner but that's about it. No more vacations or partying or skiing together.
Maybe it's her new boyfriend's uneasiness with what we had in the past. Maybe he feels somewhat threatened. I don't know.
I believe that old saying "you can't go home". I'm not naive. Things happen for a reason. I'm just depressed over this.
Does anyone have anything to convey that might help get me past this?
Just be happy that you got to spend the time together that you did. Like they say, "its better to have loved than not at all" ... (I'm going blank.. not sure if i put that right, at the moment) You'll be okay.
Sweety, you put it beautifully.....from your heart! I do think back to the very good times we had together as a foursome and the close friendship she and I had. Nothing has or will ever compare.......
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| September 30, 2007, 16:23 |
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AmberZed
56 / female
South of that..., Georgia, US
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
Bill, regardless of all that, if she is (or was) that good of a friend, then keep in touch. Eventually, she'll get past the shock and adjustment period that she's going through, and when she does, she'll probably appreciate the fact that you stuck with her through it all. If not, then she doesn't deserve you. Keep in mind that she's possibly going through HELL right now, and your friendship is not necessarily her first priority at the moment... but it will be later.
I lost almost all of my "friends" when my marriage ended. I know it was awkward for them... but I can't help but think that it was far more than awkward for me. And the few that stuck with me through it all are my own personal diamonds. For a while there, though, I have to admit that it was entirely up to them to stick with me -- I had too much emotional baggage going on to keep up with them. They understood, and didn't give up on me. And I'm forever grateful for it.
That's the thing about being a friend -- it's not always a two-way street. But in the end, it's always worth the cab-fare. I know now who my true friends are. And I'd sell my soul for those true friends.
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| October 1, 2007, 04:00 |
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Re: From the "A" list to the "D" list......
Moving on can be a good thing, but never burn those bridges behind you!
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| October 2, 2007, 09:28 |
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