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Ask Dr. Juilis
Dr Juilis? Can you hear me? Am I on the air? Im a long time listener and a first time caller. I have a chaffe on the palm of my right hand and also on the shaft of my penis. WHAT COULD BE CAUSING THIS? Youre my last hope Dr Juilis! Please help! I'll hang up and wait to hear your advice, so that other callers can get your advice as well. Thank you Doctor!
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| September 11, 2007, 23:51 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
First and foremost you are a sick, sick man...second, don't hang up because the solution to your problem may help many others...
You need to get laid ...find a human, find a blow up doll but by all means quit using your hand for self satisfaction...and bless Mr. Winky's heart you are causing a callous to form on him and no woman is going to want to play with him when he is all rough!!! You may wish to try Dr. Juils Soft As Silk lotions and hand cream which is available on the WN Shopping Network, it is only $99.95 plus shipping and handling.
Next caller please...
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| September 12, 2007, 07:05 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Ok, but now Im mad. I took your advice but the blow up that I got was gay . In thinking youre a fraud!
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| September 12, 2007, 23:54 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
First...I did not send you a gay blow up doll...when ordering your toys you must check the correct boxes. However, there has been some confusion with the trans-gender dolls. Before blowing up the doll did you not notice it had a penis? This should have been quite evident to you because the plug is at the tip of the boy doll's Mr. Winky.
Please note: There will be not returns on dolls that have ANY type of sticky, creamy, or "wet" residue.
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| September 13, 2007, 00:57 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
And I thought I was nuts.....   
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| September 13, 2007, 14:31 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
 
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| September 13, 2007, 16:17 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Hello DR.Juilis,I'm a first time caller,I'm from WV and there are lots of great looking women in this state,and a few at Webnaughty,what I need to know is how can I get these women to talk to me and become friends or lovers?as far as that goes,any state or country will do!Please let me know if you can help,or am I a lost cause!  thank you very much! Horney in WV
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| September 13, 2007, 16:49 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Thanks for your call HWV...there are no lost causes here on WN, everyone is bright, intelligent and fun to be around. I say get out there and join a bowling team or some other activity that gets you around people. Check for events in your area that seem a little off the wall, here in my neck of the woods we have a thing called a Spamorama...bizarre events draw lots of crowds. Hell, if you are open to other states, look around and see what strikes you and get OUT there. The key is not to just go by yourself, but volunteer, it is the best way to meet people and get yourself noticed.
Put a wicked grin on your face and have fun.
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| September 13, 2007, 22:18 |
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Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (funlovingpair @ September 13, 2007, 14:31)
You are nuts, but some of us may have fallen from the tree and hit our heads a little harder...LOL!!!
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| September 13, 2007, 22:18 |
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slowpoke2
52 / male
aberdeen, Scotland, UK
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Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (Juilianna @ September 13, 2007, 22:18)Thanks for your call HWV...there are no lost causes here on WN
there is one on here
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| September 13, 2007, 22:23 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (Juilianna @ September 13, 2007, 22:18) QUOTE (funlovingpair @ September 13, 2007, 14:31)
You are nuts, but some of us may have fallen from the tree and hit our heads a little harder...LOL!!!
But I'm always in the gutter, so when I fall, I don't hit my head very hard.
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| September 14, 2007, 08:14 |
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Re: Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (slowpoke2 @ September 13, 2007, 22:23) QUOTE (Juilianna @ September 13, 2007, 22:18)Thanks for your call HWV...there are no lost causes here on WN
there is one on here
Slowpoke, for you I think I am going to recommend you read a book I just bought for myself, it has been very helpful. It is titled You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by Peter McWilliams. Read it, drink it in, and try to live as much of it as you can. I will stand by my previous comment, there are NO lost causes on WN, we are human and we only limit ourselves by our own boundaries.
Juils...next caller please...
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| September 15, 2007, 09:58 |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (funlovingpair @ September 14, 2007, 08:14)
My point completely...I fell from way up in the tree and I think freensleazy fell from another planet!!!
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| September 15, 2007, 10:01 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Dear Juils
Sometimes like last night when i play with my partner my middle lower back is way sore and stiff... have any suggestions on how to keep that from happening again?
painful in the plains.
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| September 15, 2007, 10:07 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Painful in the plains...
I am not a real doctor, but I play one on the internet. I personally experience lower back pain myself and after $$$$$ of physically therapy I found the best course of action was this...lie flat on your back on the floor (this is not a couples exercise so ask your partner not climb on top of you).
Visualize pushing your bellybutton to the floor through your body, do this ten times. Next part, lift your right foot slightly off the floor and do the same bellybutton movement ten times, right foot down, left foot up, bellybutton movement again. Do this several times a day, it helps strengthen your abdominal muscles, taking the pressure off your lower back which will allow for hours and hours of more fun with your partner.
I hope it works for you, if not, just lay on your back and let your woman do the work.
Juils
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| September 15, 2007, 10:19 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Thanks Dr Juilis I just love your column. Here's My Question is sneezing Good when having sex we are in the hay fever season and when I having sex I smell some golden rod to sneeze My girl Friend love but is it good for you. Can you help.
Running nose in the Midwest
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| September 15, 2007, 15:13 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Thank you for your compliment caller...
Dear RMMW,
Evidently this is not an uncommon problem...LOL...when I typed "Sneezing while having sex," into my search engine I found a multitude of information on it, so evidently it is very common and should not cause you or your partner distress. I just would make certain not to sneeze on her because it is just rude.
Here's what I found in most cases not related to hay fever...
This probably results from a generalized physiological reaction that occurs during sex: vasocongestion, i.e., heavy blood flow into various organs (not just the obvious ones). As long ago as 1875 it was known that sex sometimes causes "engorgement of the erectile tissue of the turbinates***," i.e., nasal swelling and congestion, often accompanied by sneezing. The sneezing may be caused by some mechanical irritation of the nasal passages triggered by orgasm, or (and I quote) "it can also be initiated by stimuli from the higher cerebral centers such as the psychosexual images which are commonly associated with copulation. ( sexual fantasies )"
Basically, you "ain't" the only one that sneezes during sex, one woman sneezes every time she has an orgasm??? Strange but true!!!
Dr. J (hey...wasn't that Julius Irvings name? And he wasn't really a doctor either!!!)
Keep listening...we may find something useful...
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| September 15, 2007, 16:49 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Dr Julis
What do I do about a man who keeps making dates and at the last minute cancels them
I like him but this is getting frustrating
Please help
tiger
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| September 15, 2007, 19:18 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Dear Tiger...
First, I'm sorry this is happening to you...second, it doesn't matter how much you like someone, sometimes they are just rude. I'm thinking you are making yourself too available to him...DON'T!!! It is time for you to make a decision here, do you want this guy yanking your chain or do you want to have some fun?
There is a book I want you to read (Dr. J is really big into books), it is called, "He's Just Not That Into You." The entire thing outlines that it is OK for someone not to be interested in you, just like you may not be interested in someone else. We aren't all meant for each other and that is perfectly fine.
Read the book and then you decide if he's worth waiting around for. I personally think you are more of a catch than he realizes and don't necessarily think he is worthy of such a sweet and caring person...that's my two cents for whatever it is worth.
Hugs Sweetie,
Dr. J
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| September 15, 2007, 19:57 |
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pookhabear
75 / male
port st lucie, Florida, US
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
I know you're not a Dr but I bet you stayed in a Holiday Inn last night
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| September 16, 2007, 02:31 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Thanks Dr Julis
The man has been given his walking papers
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| September 16, 2007, 07:30 |
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Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (freensleazy @ September 12, 2007, 23:54)Ok, but now Im mad. I took your advice but the blow up that I got was gay . In thinking youre a fraud!
So, roll it over, there's a hole there too.
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| September 16, 2007, 14:19 |
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Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (tiger5350 @ September 16, 2007, 07:30)Thanks Dr Julis
The man has been given his walking papers
I think you will be happier in the long run Tiger, no one wants to feel like they are of secondary importance to someone, especially if you are just in the dating part of the relationship. Don't forget to get that book, it really is great!
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| September 16, 2007, 19:41 |
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Re: Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (JCSOS @ September 16, 2007, 14:19) QUOTE (freensleazy @ September 12, 2007, 23:54)Ok, but now Im mad. I took your advice but the blow up that I got was gay . In thinking youre a fraud!
So, roll it over, there's a hole there too.
JC...JC...JC...you know I love ya man!!!
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| September 16, 2007, 19:41 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
help me dr. juils....
when i see an attractive woman in the lobby of chat...i just can't help but goose them...what can i do...
the "down clown in Mn...
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| September 16, 2007, 22:52 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
And our next caller is down clown in Mn...
Well clown, I'm thinking your need to goose someone comes from a problem in your childhood. Perhaps your mother refused to purchase goose down pillows for you to sleep on. Or your family had a pet goose that your grandfather insisted on having for Christmas dinner one year.
I think this is a deep seeded psychological issue that may need electro shock therapy...although, my colleague, KinkyintheFalls, developed a goosing therapy that I think works well for just this type of situation. The key is whenever you feel the need to goose, don't limit yourself to the chatroom...by all means...goose in the grocery, goose in an elevator, goose in malls, fast food restaurants, and by all means goose at the local Walmart stores. Just have fun with it, make it into a Goose-A-Rama!
Enjoy and don't be shy...Go Goose 'Em!!!
Disclaimer, Dr. Juilis and the WN staff are not responsible for any actions taken by callers or anyone who "calls" in. If you find yourself incarcerated due to any recommendations made here...DO NOT CALL US!!!
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| September 16, 2007, 23:31 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Dear Dr. Juilis
I keep getting a hard on every time I have to undress in front of a female doctor, have you got any ideas what I could do in this situation?
Please help me, the pressures building up, I think I'm going to explode.
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| September 17, 2007, 04:22 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Dear Kev,
I think the best way to handle this situation is by following these steps:
1) Get your passport
2) Buy a plane ticket to someplace in Texas
3) Meet a Doctor (probably someone that isn't actually a doctor but plays one on the internet.)
4) Find a way to let that explosion go...I'm certain the doctor (ahem, I mean you) will feel more relaxed after you let off a little pressure.
 
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| September 17, 2007, 10:40 |
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Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (Juilianna @ September 17, 2007, 10:40)Dear Kev,
I think the best way to handle this situation is by following these steps:
1) Get your passport
2) Buy a plane ticket to someplace in Texas
3) Meet a Doctor (probably someone that isn't actually a doctor but plays one on the internet.)
4) Find a way to let that explosion go...I'm certain the doctor (ahem, I mean you) will feel more relaxed after you let off a little pressure.
You wouldn't get that sort of treatment on the National Health Service here in the UK, now where did I leave my passport...
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| September 17, 2007, 10:46 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Patient care is of the utmost importance to "doctor's" in the US...we can't have people randomly exploding from built up pressure so we do our best to relieve them!
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| September 17, 2007, 11:14 |
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dave2big
81 / male
somewhere, Nebraska, US
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
dear Dr. Juilis, why is it that when i masturbate (about once a week) do i picture you in front of me,on your knees ? is that just wishful thinking,or do i have a real problem ?? 
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| September 17, 2007, 16:01 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Dear Dave,
The real problem is that you are only masturbating once a week. You can picture anyone you wish but you should really expand your horizons, my shadowy figure can't be too exciting for you...move on up to something like Jessica Rabbit...Jessica Simpson or if you are really feeling adventurous check out Pepper or NY Kitten!
Now get out there and give Mr. Winky a whirl!!!
Dr. Juils
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| September 17, 2007, 16:11 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Dear Dr Juilis
Ok, I returned the gay blow up doll and the new one was anotomically correct. However, I forgot to tell you that all my life Ive been nick named Needle Dick the Fly Fucker. Yep, I went to use the doll and it popped like a friggin balloon. $249 (plus shipping, handling and overnight delivery charges) worth of a life like Sindee Steel flew around the room for 15 seconds, sounding like a big rig's air brakes letting out and landed flat as a pancake on the floor. Thanks for your advice, but I'll deal with the chaffing. God knows its cheaper! Oh, and 1 more thing. How come your call screener wouldnt let me thru? Ive been calling for days and the only reason I got though today was because I told her I was BCB. Whats up with that?
Needle Dick The Fly Fucker
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| September 17, 2007, 18:56 |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (Juilianna @ September 16, 2007, 19:41) QUOTE (JCSOS @ September 16, 2007, 14:19) QUOTE (freensleazy @ September 12, 2007, 23:54)Ok, but now Im mad. I took your advice but the blow up that I got was gay . In thinking youre a fraud!
So, roll it over, there's a hole there too.
JC...JC...JC...you know I love ya man!!!
Thanks, i needed that. 
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| September 17, 2007, 21:33 |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (JCSOS @ September 17, 2007, 21:33) QUOTE (Juilianna @ September 16, 2007, 19:41) QUOTE (JCSOS @ September 16, 2007, 14:19) QUOTE (freensleazy @ September 12, 2007, 23:54)Ok, but now Im mad. I took your advice but the blow up that I got was gay . In thinking youre a fraud!
So, roll it over, there's a hole there too.
JC...JC...JC...you know I love ya man!!!
Thanks, i needed that.
Anytime darlin', you know I'm always good for a hug!!! Through the phoneline of course... 
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| September 17, 2007, 22:16 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Hi caller...NDFF:
I'm certain it was difficult to see your dream girl whirl around the room like a bottle rocket but never fear for only $2,499 you can purchase Rowena the Rubber Girl of Your Dreams. She has no air and is made of durable latex, the great part about her is you can purchase new vaginal inserts so if you wear one out you can buy a new one the best part is the inserts come in a variety of sizes! Anywhere from Just Right Tight to Loosey Goosey.
Dr. J covers the phone and says to the call screener... Wow, I'm really shocked, I'd read years ago about the Needle Penis mutations but I thought all of the test "samples" had been destroyed (sorry, I meant reassigned).
NDFF, I like a satisfied customer so if you send in the blow up doll you purchased we'll credit that towards your new friend Rowena. Thanks for your call.
Please note: Defective merchandise is reconditioned when possible and given away as a charitable contribution.
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| September 17, 2007, 22:31 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Ok Dr Juils
Your advice about the blow up dolls pretty much sucked, but I still have faith in you. So riddle me this. Why is it that in colder temperatures, men experience "shrinkage", but women's "high beams" come on? I'll hang up and listen to your answer.
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| September 19, 2007, 14:44 |
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KINKYINTHEFALLS
56 / male
wild and wonderful, West Virginia, US
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
wow I'm gone a little while and look what happens!!
Great advice from what I've seen though.
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| September 19, 2007, 22:52 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
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| September 20, 2007, 07:10 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
BLADDER
Average capacity
7 to 13 ounces
Normal flow
7 to 8 ounces per 10 seconds
STARTING THE ENGINE
The key to your sexual ignition is not between your legs, it's inside your head. The brain is man's biggest sex organ, sending nerve impulses running down the spinal cord to trigger an erection. Keep in mind though that since arousal is an electrical spark travelling the neural motorway it can be dulled by a repetitive commute. So vary your starting procedure, explore side roads, stop at a roadside service area, let your partner drive, or, when applicable, road-test a new model.
HARD STARTING OR STALLING
If your penis fails to become erect, even after repeated cranking, or if you have trouble maintaining an erection, let it idle for a while. Just about every man experiences an occasional erection problem, so try not to let it bother you. If you do it can develop into a psychological problem that can require extensive systems analysis to remedy. Chances are you are just temporarily flooded with work worries, anxiety or fatigue - all of which can temporarily foul your engine. If the problem continues, ask your mechanic about a new injector. Certain drugs can be injected directly into the penis, producing longer lasting (one hour or more) erections within moments. Coming onto the market is a plunger-type system that inserts a small pellet of erection producing medication into the tip of the penis. Another solution is a vacuum constriction device: when the penis is inserted into this cylinder and the attached pump engages, a vacuum is produced that causes blood to flow into the penile shaft. A rubber ring is then slipped onto the base of the penis to trap the blood in the shaft. As a last resort, you may want to consider upgrading to a penile implant. (See "Available options/upgrades" .
CAUTION! The following can shrink a relaxed penis by two inches or more:-
Cold weather, chilly baths or showers, sexual activity, exhaustion, excitement (non sexual), illness and Richard Branson.
OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS
DIRECT THE FLOW OF URINE The penis contains a narrow hose called the urethra that is attached to the bladder. As the urine level approaches the bladder's maximum capacity line, you get the urge to pull over. When released, urine is flushed through the urethra, out the tip of the penis and, according to most women, usually on to the floor next to the toilet. Acting as a regulator for this process is the Pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. This is what you flex to stop urine flow or rid yourself of those last few drops. (It can also serve as an orgasm regulator. See Troubleshooting" later in this document.)
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| September 20, 2007, 07:10 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
BECOME RIGID ENOUGH TO ALLOW PENETRATION DURING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE Your penis is equipped with twin hydraulic chambers. During sexual stimulation, these fill with blood until the penis grows firm and erect. After stimulation ends or there's ejaculation, blood leaves these chambers and the penis softens again. There is usually a recovery or "refractory" period ranging from a few minutes to a full day (depending on the equipment's age) before another erection can occur. About half of the penis is hidden inside the body, even when erect. It is fastened to the pelvis undercarriage for support.
DEPOSIT SEMEN WITHIN THE VAGINA DURING EJACULATION Sperm is manufactured inside the testicles, those two ball joints below the drive shaft. From here, it passes into a soft, fibrous organ behind each testicle called the epididymis, where it acquires the long tail necessary for swimming. Sperm then enters the Vas Deferens for storage. This thin hose loops around and splices into the urethra just below the bladder. When it's time to shift into sexual high gear, sperm is mixed with liquid from the prostate gland and adjoining seminal vesicles. The resulting transmission fluid, called semen, gathers in a holding tank, which gradually swells to pinch the bladder shut and prevent urine from trickling in. Finally the semen is expelled from the body via the urethra by a series of muscular contractions.
CAUTION!
The testicles need to be slightly cooler than normal body temperature for optimum sperm production. That's why they hang away from the body. Hot baths and tight underwear can depress sperm count and movement.
WARNING!
Never operate your penis while under the influence of alcohol. Although alcohol lowers inhibitions, most men have less than optimum erections when inebriated. The fear this generates can lead to more frequent bouts of impotence.
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| September 20, 2007, 07:12 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
SPARE TYRE
Your privates did not come equipped with a spare tyre. Any roll of fat around your middle was an after-market acquisition that will void the warranty if left in place. It not only interferes with sexual performance but also makes the penis look smaller. Men naturally deposit fat in their abdomen, which includes the area at the base of the penis. As the spare tyre inflates, this pad thickens and eventually engulfs a portion of the organ - one inch for every 35 extra pounds. Being overweight is also commonly linked atherosclerosis, or narrowing of the arteries, a primary cause of impotence. It also makes you look silly.
RUNNING-IN PERIOD
To ensure a long, active life for your privates. It's recommended that you engage in frequent sex. According to noted body mechanics Masters and Johnson, "When the male is stimulated to high sexual output during his formative years and a similar tenor of activity is established for the 31 to 40 year age range, his latter years are usually marked by maintained sexuality .
ACCELERATION 0-60 MPH
Independent testing shows that it generally takes three to five minutes for the flaccid penis of a young male to become fully erect once sexual stimulation begins. This reaction at least doubles with age.
WARNING!
Avoid rapid acceleration on slick surfaces. Failing to do so could cause partial or complete loss of control.
SUDDEN STOPS
Slamming on the brakes whilst driving at high speed can result in a painful condition. During sexual stimulation, blood gathers in the testicles. If ejaculation doesn't occur and sexual excitement continues, the resulting congestion in the arteries in that area causes a dull pain, like that of an aching muscle.
HANDLING
In order to become familiar with the natural feel of your equipment and learn how it responds in different situations high speed sexual driving on a closed circuit can be helpful. According to a recent survey, nearly one tenth of British men do this weekly (a greater ration in the North of England naturally). And contrary to popular belief , it will not harm your equipment, in fact, it can be viewed as good practice lap for sex, where you're forever flirting with the limits of control.
ENGAGING THE CHOKE
To postpone ejaculation and extend love making, engage "the choke". This technique involves firmly squeezing the top of the penis just behind it's head prior to orgasm.
CAUTION! Any impact to the area where the penis attaches to the pelvis can disrupt its hydraulic function.
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| September 20, 2007, 07:13 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
FUEL REQUIREMENTS
Your privates were designed and developed for optimum performance and efficiency using high-quality fuel. Low-quality fuels cause cholesterol build-up in arteries and veins, thereby reducing blood flow to and from your privates and causing hard starting or stalling. In fact, every one-point increase in your total cholesterol correlates to an almost 1.5 times greater risk of erection problems. To avoid this use fuel that has a fat combination below 30 percent and is low is cholesterol and high in fibre. Such fill-ups will greatly reduce circulatory-system deposits.
BODY WORK/CHASSIS CONSIDERATIONS
Regular exercise gives the body a deep healthful lustre that lends protection improves performance and helps is hold it's value for longer. Exercise not only makes the body more fit for sex but also stimulates the mind by making you feel sexier. ABS - Your abdominal muscles (abs) are the chief thrusting muscles for intercourse. To strengthen them, do crunches. These exercises are just like sit-ups except that you don't raise your body up as far. Simply lie on your back with your hands crossed over your chest Lift your shoulders six to eight inches off the floor, while trying to bring your chin to your chest. You'll feel a tightening in your gut.
ALIGNMENT
One third of all penile ruptures occur during lovemaking. They're caused by sudden shifts in position or by awkward attempts at parallel parking with the partner on top. The tearing of tissue that occurs within an erect penis is often audible and always extremely painful. Such injures tend to happen where there is a lack of space, such as between the steering wheel and drivers seat. To protect yourself and your passenger always use turn signals before changing positions.
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| September 20, 2007, 07:14 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
SAFETY BELTS
It's highly recommended that you wear an athletic support (jock strap) for activities that involve running, jumping and sudden movement. This device tucks the testicles close to the undercarriage to protect them from jarring.
CAUTION!
Wearing polyester underwear may contribute to impotence because of the static electricity generated by man made materials. Loose 100% cotton shorts are recommended.
CONDOM DEPLOYMENT
Use only condoms from a sealed package bearing an expiry date. Be careful of fingernails, rings and other objects that could tear or puncture the material. Never open a condom package with your teeth or on your partners spiked collar. Squeeze the air from the receptacle end of the condom and roll it down over the erect penis before penetration occurs. Use only water-based lubricants such as K-Y-Jelly with latex condoms. Petroleum-based brands can damage the condom. During withdrawal, hold the base of the condom to keep it from coming off. And use each condom only once.
MAINTENANCE SCHEDULE
Your privates are the result of centuries of engineering. Before leaving the factory, every effort was made to ensure that they were in good working condition. To keep them running smoothly regular maintenance is required.
TO BE DONE DAILY
It's especially important for uncircumcised men to retract the foreskin and wash around the head of the penis every day.
TO BE DONE WEEKLY (AT LEAST)
Sex is the best exercise for your privates. Regularly flushing the system with nourishing blood and oxygen assures optimum sperm production, prostate health and overall good performance. When intercourse is not possible, consider revving your engine manually.
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| September 20, 2007, 07:14 |
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
TO BE CHECKED MONTHLY
After taking a warm bath or shower to relax the scrotum, you should gently roll each testicle between your fingers. It should be smooth and oval shaped, feeling kind of like a hard-boiled egg with out the shell. Compress it gently, searching for any hard areas or lumps that don't feel like the surrounding tissue.
YEARLY INSPECTION
Once your equipment reaches forty years old, have your prostate checked annually. This gland surrounds the urethra like a doughnut and, if left to enlarge, can reduce an older man 's urine stream to a dribble. Prostate cancer is also a concern. Both of these problems can be avoided if detected early. A complete yearly inspection should include three things: A digital rectal exam (sorry mate but we're talking finger here, not computer). A blood test for prostate-specific antigens (psa), an early warning sign of trouble. An ultrasound scan to create a visible image of the tissue.
WARNING!
Using your privates for anything other than their intended purpose voids all warranties, written or implied.
SERVICING
The frequency of ejaculation/Intercourse among:-
20-29 year olds = 4-5 times weekly
30-39 year olds = 2-4 times weekly
40-49 year olds = 1-2 times weekly
50-59 year olds = 0-1 times weekly
60 plus = 1-2 times monthly
Shagnasty = 5 times daily! (Oh Yes my friends)
AUTOMATIC SYSTEMS CHECK
Each night, your privates automatically run a self-diagnostic systems check. Most times you will be unaware this is happening. Periodic erections will occur whilst you're asleep, as will an occasional emission. Do not be alarmed. Your privates are simply flushing themselves with fresh blood and oxygen to stay in optimum working condition. If you have a reasonable doubt this is happening, do the following test: Wrap some postage stamps from a roll firmly around the base of your penis and tape the ends together. The next morning, if the stamps are torn along the perforation, you've had an erection. (If you wake up in Newcastle sorting office with a postmark, try the test again, but don't sleep so close to the post-box.)
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| September 20, 2007, 07:15 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
FLUID LEAKS
After urinating, apply gentle upward pressure under the base of the penis. This will usually squeeze out any remaining drops and prevent any embarrassing stains on the upholstery.
CHECKING UNDER THE BONNET
Your penis comes from the factory with its head completely covered by a fleshly protective foreskin. Some penis owners have had this foreskin surgically removed by an authorized mechanic via circumcision. This is usually performed for religious and/or aesthetic reasons because, if basic hygiene is followed, the presence or absence of a bonnet does not affect sensitivity, sexual performance or susceptibility to mechanical failure.
LUBRICATION ADDING OIL
For extra comfort and performance during long drives or when operating your penis in extremely dry conditions, you'll need to relube. Brands such as K-Y Jelly can be reactivated with a simple spritz of water.
DISPOSING OF USED OIL
When indiscriminately discarded, used oil can foul the bedroom environment. Flavoured lubes leave a sticky residue the required a soap-and-water scrubbing. Most no flavoured brands wipe clean with a towel.
APPEARANCE
Your privates are exposed to the corrosive effects of dirt, perspiration and vaginal fluids (some of which in my experience can be more corrosive than others). To protect the finish, trim and exposed under body , it's important to wash often and thoroughly. Scrub any dirt and salt from crevices in the undercarriage and check that all drain holes are free from debris. After washing, allow all surfaces to drain and dry before parking in a confined space. If required you may polish your privates immediately.
MINOR CHIPS AND SCRATCHES
The skin of the penis and testicles is remarkably resilient. For chafing and small cuts that cause minimal bleeding, just wash with soap and water and apply an antiseptic ointment.
MAJOR DENTS
If you get hit in the testicles, scream, lie down, apply an ice-packed cloth and take some deep breaths. If there's swelling and the pain doesn't subside within a few minutes, continue the icing and get to a garage and seek mechanical assistance. A severe groin injury can cause sterility.
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| September 20, 2007, 07:15 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
TROUBLESHOOTING
The diagnoses outlined are intended to serve only as guides to locate and temporarily correct minor faults or worries. Causes of unsatisfactory performance should be investigated and corrected by your doctor.
PROBLEM
SOLUTION
Penis seems small.
Few men are satisfied with the size of their penis. Keep in mind that the average vagina is just three to five inches long.
Left testicle is slightly larger and hangs lower than the right one.
Rarely are both testicles identical. In fact, the left one hangs lower in 80 percent of all cases.
Erections do not occur as quickly, nor are they as firm as they were.
This is common with older models. However, exercising regularly, following a low-fat diet, avoiding smoking and limiting alcohol are all antidotes, as is longer and more creative foreplay.
Ejaculation happens way to fast.
Try strengthening your PC muscle with Kegel exercises. The PC is the muscle you use to stop urine flow. Contract it now to familiarise yourself with the feeling. What you just did was a Kegel. Do 20, 50, 100 or more daily - at your desk or in the bath. Since it's the same muscle that contracts for ejaculation, strengthening it will give you more control during sex.
Ejaculation isn't as forceful or as plentiful as it once was.
Such misfiring often occurs with older engines. In fact, with vintage models, ejaculation may not occur at all, although an orgasm is experienced.
Pain in testicle.
Intermittent twinges are common, and anything that lasts less than a minute or so is no cause for worry. Testicular pain that builds gradually is usually caused by an infection or inflammation. Consult a certified mechanic or authorized dealership.
AVAILABLE OPTIONS/UPGRADES - Customise your privates to fit all your lifestyle needs
VASECTOMY
Enjoy worry-free motoring by having a trained technician cut the Vas Deferens, thereby preventing sperm from reaching the urethra. It's a safe quick (seven to ten minute), effective means of birth control, plus the sensation of ejaculation remains unchanged. Available in traditional snip or modern laser. To find out more, visit our vasectomy FAQ
TESTOSTERONE
Preserve the raw beauty of your libido with testosterone! This potent male hormone, manufactured chiefly in the testicles, is responsible for your sexual desire and, to some degree, your erections. But production declines after age 50. Some men, who have no physical problems but experience flagging desire, may benefit from testosterone supplements, which can be taken orally through a skin patch or injection.
PENIS ENLARGEMENT
Gain valuable inches by expanding your trunk! Body-Shop mechanics penis appear larger by cutting the ligaments that attach it to the pubic bone. Once this is done, the penis hangs a bit lower and looks larger. In addition body fat can also be injected under the skin of the penile shaft to make it thicker.
WARNING!
Most mechanics do not approve of the enlargement procedure, which compromises the penile suspension system and may undermine resale value. Consumers have reported lack of stability and loss of control when operating at high speeds.
CIRCUMCISION
See "Checking under the bonnet" above.
FORESKIN RESTORATION
For those who have grown unhappy with their circumcised model, Foreskin restoration may be possible. In this Do-It-Yourself procedure, skin from the shaft of the penis is gradually stretched with tape and even weights until it allegedly resembles a normal foreskin.
WARNING!
Foreskin will not be restored to showroom condition.
PENILE IMPLANTS
If you have chronic difficulty getting an erection and other impotence treatments have failed, consider the new line of deluxe penile implants. These are cylinders that are surgically placed inside the penis to make it firm enough for intercourse. Two models are available. A non-hydraulic implant consists of a pair of flexible silicone rods that can be bent up or down by hand. It's the simplest design, but since the penis remains semi-rigid, some men find it difficult to wear Chinos. A hydraulic implant includes a pair of hollow rods, a reservoir of saline solution and a pump, all concealed within the body. For an erection you simply squeeze your scrotum to inflate the penis.
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| September 20, 2007, 07:15 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
Wow, that was exhausting...the explanation of the penis took so much longer than expected...
Here's my explantion of nipples...
Unfortunatly it is usually nothing erotic or sexy, just a natural reaction to cold or kinda like goosebumps!! Some women just have more prominent nipples and some have erect nipples more than others. They probably react the same as a mans, just ours stand out more and are noticed more :-)
Hence the lifelong battle of the sexes...women really are not as complicated as most think...LOL
Thank you caller!!! Now please refer to your owners manual whenever you have questions about your Mr. Winky...
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| September 20, 2007, 07:18 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (KINKYINTHEFALLS @ September 19, 2007, 22:52)wow I'm gone a little while and look what happens!!
Great advice from what I've seen though.
Dear Kinkyinthefalls...you were missed...see what happens when I get bored?
Dr. Juilianna
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| September 20, 2007, 07:20 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Ask Dr. Juilis
QUOTE (Juilianna @ September 20, 2007, 07:18)Wow, that was exhausting...the explanation of the penis took so much longer than expected...
Here's my explantion of nipples...
Unfortunatly it is usually nothing erotic or sexy, just a natural reaction to cold or kinda like goosebumps!! Some women just have more prominent nipples and some have erect nipples more than others. They probably react the same as a mans, just ours stand out more and are noticed more :-)
Hence the lifelong battle of the sexes...women really are not as complicated as most think...LOL
Thank you caller!!! Now please refer to your owners manual whenever you have questions about your Mr. Winky...
Wow information overload and all the time I thought it was just Point-and-Shoot.
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| September 20, 2007, 07:28 |
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