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THE SEVEN DWARFS OF MENOPAUSE
The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause arrived at my door without
warning:
Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and
All-Dried-Up. One by one they crept into my own private
cottage in the woods and started to take over my life.
The first to arrive was Itchy. I developed this itch on
my right calf that was so irritating, I wanted to scratch
the skin right off my body.
Then Bitchy came to my door. No longer was my PMS restrained
to one or two days a month--it felt like constant PMS. Then
I would swing from Bitchy to Weepy for God's sake, what was
wrong with me? Ding-dong... It's the middle of the night and
Sweaty has crawled into bed with me. Oh, yes, Sweaty brought
embarrassing hot flashes and introduced me to night sweats
where it seemed as if a faucet had been attached between my
breasts.
Of course Sweaty brought about Sleepy, because I was tired
all the time. I would wake up so many times in the night and
not be able to get back to sleep.
Bloated crept in slowly, my once-svelte figure got thick
through the middle section, even though I was following my
weight-loss program that had worked so well for so many
years!
I can't quite remember when Forgetful arrived, but one day
my brain stopped working. I considered myself a pretty
focused woman until Forgetful came, and I could not keep a
coherent thought in my brain. Am I getting Alzheimer's?
I wondered.
Last, All-Dried-Up slowly encroached upon my happy marriage.
This was probably the most unpleasant of the dwarf family.
Sex was no longer on the top of my list--or on my list at
all. My husband would give me that knowing look, and I
would think, "Frankly, I'd rather have a smoothie.
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