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User no longer registered.
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Lingerie
I would like my wife to wear lingerie more often. I have asked but didn't work. Any suggestions??
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| July 14, 2007, 11:20 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Another Missourian!!
It would help, if you could tell us any reasons she gives for not wearing lingerie more often...
Do you look at and select it together? Some women don't like the skimpiest stuff, they feel insecure in it, and women can be hard on themselves especially naked, and like something that they feel covers the flaws that they focus on...and some are just a little shy about wearing it...I dunno, give up some more details for us.
Maybe just "helping" her select what she likes, and would feel comfortable in?
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| July 14, 2007, 12:03 |
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REALshedevil
66 / female
Richmond, Missouri, US
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Re: Lingerie
I really like it when my husband helps me pick out lingerie. Only problem is it never stays on me long. hehehe Maybe you should see if your wife wants to go to Priscillas to try on some sexy lingerie . My husband and I have a blast there looking and then he goes in the dressing room with me to see how they look. If your wife is self-conscience about how she looks in lingerie, maybe you should just keep letting her know how good she looks in it. 
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| July 14, 2007, 12:30 |
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slowpoke2
52 / male
aberdeen, Scotland, UK
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Re: Re: Lingerie
QUOTE (REALshedevil @ July 14, 2007, 12:30)I really like it when my husband helps me pick out lingerie. Only problem is it never stays on me long. hehehe Maybe you should see if your wife wants to go to Priscillas to try on some sexy lingerie . My husband and I have a blast there looking and then he goes in the dressing room with me to see how they look. If your wife is self-conscience about how she looks in lingerie, maybe you should just keep letting her know how good she looks in it.
can i come in for a look as well
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| July 14, 2007, 14:05 |
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REALshedevil
66 / female
Richmond, Missouri, US
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Re: Re: Re: Lingerie
QUOTE (slowpoke2 @ July 14, 2007, 14:05) QUOTE (REALshedevil @ July 14, 2007, 12:30)I really like it when my husband helps me pick out lingerie. Only problem is it never stays on me long. hehehe Maybe you should see if your wife wants to go to Priscillas to try on some sexy lingerie . My husband and I have a blast there looking and then he goes in the dressing room with me to see how they look. If your wife is self-conscience about how she looks in lingerie, maybe you should just keep letting her know how good she looks in it.
can i come in for a look as well
You sure can sweetie. The dressing room at Priscilla's is big enough for several people! 
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| July 14, 2007, 14:53 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Well I have tried just about anything. I tried buying it for her. I tried letting her buy some. We tried shopping together. I have gone from elegant to slutty and all seem to have the same responses. She doesn't like wearing it. I have continuosly told her she lloks great in it, etc, etc. Nothing seems to work. Ms Devil - we even tried Priscillas - no luck. Let me know the next time you go.
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| July 14, 2007, 15:37 |
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slowpoke2
52 / male
aberdeen, Scotland, UK
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Lingerie
QUOTE (REALshedevil @ July 14, 2007, 14:53) QUOTE (slowpoke2 @ July 14, 2007, 14:05) QUOTE (REALshedevil @ July 14, 2007, 12:30)I really like it when my husband helps me pick out lingerie. Only problem is it never stays on me long. hehehe Maybe you should see if your wife wants to go to Priscillas to try on some sexy lingerie . My husband and I have a blast there looking and then he goes in the dressing room with me to see how they look. If your wife is self-conscience about how she looks in lingerie, maybe you should just keep letting her know how good she looks in it.
can i come in for a look as well
You sure can sweetie. The dressing room at Priscilla's is big enough for several people!
mmmmmmmmm does this include you in & out of your lingerie 
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| July 14, 2007, 16:27 |
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REALshedevil
66 / female
Richmond, Missouri, US
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Re: Re: Lingerie
QUOTE (casual55 @ July 14, 2007, 15:37)Well I have tried just about anything. I tried buying it for her. I tried letting her buy some. We tried shopping together. I have gone from elegant to slutty and all seem to have the same responses. She doesn't like wearing it. I have continuosly told her she lloks great in it, etc, etc. Nothing seems to work. Ms Devil - we even tried Priscillas - no luck. Let me know the next time you go.
Hmmmmmmmmm will have to think of some more suggestions for you, casual. Don't give up. Hmmmmmmm and if I let you know next time hubby and I go to Priscillas, sounds like the dressing room will be full.
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| July 14, 2007, 17:25 |
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REALshedevil
66 / female
Richmond, Missouri, US
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lingerie
QUOTE (slowpoke2 @ July 14, 2007, 16:27) QUOTE (REALshedevil @ July 14, 2007, 14:53) QUOTE (slowpoke2 @ July 14, 2007, 14:05) QUOTE (REALshedevil @ July 14, 2007, 12:30)I really like it when my husband helps me pick out lingerie. Only problem is it never stays on me long. hehehe Maybe you should see if your wife wants to go to Priscillas to try on some sexy lingerie . My husband and I have a blast there looking and then he goes in the dressing room with me to see how they look. If your wife is self-conscience about how she looks in lingerie, maybe you should just keep letting her know how good she looks in it.
can i come in for a look as well
You sure can sweetie. The dressing room at Priscilla's is big enough for several people!
mmmmmmmmm does this include you in & out of your lingerie
Oh baby I didn't mean to scare ya!   
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| July 14, 2007, 17:26 |
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slowpoke2
52 / male
aberdeen, Scotland, UK
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lingerie
QUOTE (REALshedevil @ July 14, 2007, 17:26)
you never did honey, i was just hiding in case you gave me a slap for asking you  LOL
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| July 14, 2007, 22:22 |
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AmberZed
57 / female
South of that..., Georgia, US
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Re: Lingerie
Sounds to me like either she hates lingerie... or she doesn't feel sexy. So, the most important question is, why?
The way I see it, the whole idea of lingerie is that it's supposed to show us off to our best physical advantage, while hiding the worst, and/or teasing our partner with the idea of what's to come... But for a woman who "knows" (real or imagined) that she's not attractive, being asked to wear sexy lingerie can be a humiliating and demeaning experience.
So (and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh) the question is... do you want to see her in something that YOU think is sexy, regardless of how it makes her feel??? or do you want to see her in something that makes her FEEL sexy?
My own experience? I'll give you an example. I've got this pair of pjs... cotton jersey-knit, grey with black and pink trim, that looks like a frilly t-shirt and capri-pants. They're kinda cute (i hope) and incredibly comfortable, and not revealing at all. I've also got the standard assortment of spaghetti-strap satin nighties... Once upon a time, I spent a weekend with a very special friend -- and when I was packing, I had to decide what sort of night-wear to pack. Yeah, you guessed it, I chose the comfy pjs over the skimpy nighty -- cuz in my opinion, feeling sexy is more about what's in my head than about what's on my body.
The guy I was with that weekend made me feel incredibly sexy. I don't know what he thought about my choice of nightwear, but it hardly mattered, since it didn't stay on for long...
Chazzy's right -- women are their own harshest critic. Make her FEEL sexy, and maybe she'll be more comfortable LOOKING sexy. It doesn't work as well the other way around.
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| July 14, 2007, 22:32 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
I'm thinking the same as to what Amber said. Have you asked her why she doesn't like it? Find out her side of the story rather than concentrating more for your satisfaction even thought I know you probably want it to be just as much to her. But you gotta ask questions in order to find out.
Just a suggestion.
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| July 15, 2007, 21:28 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
I can admit that at first the lingerie was for me, however over the years it has changed to trying to make her feel sexy and good about herself. I compliment her all the time about how great she looks (in and out of clothes, lingerie, etc). I asked her once why she didn't like to wear it and she said it was to itchy (I think she was referring towards the lacy items in the drawer). So I changed to the satin, etc. Still no better. Oh well, just thought I would get a few female thoughts on the subject. I will continue my trek. Thanks for the advice.
Ms Shedevil, that is the whole idea of letting me know when you will be there.  3some .gif">
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| July 16, 2007, 18:53 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Well, maybe we just need to go a bit deeper than just the lingerie...it is kinda true, that men tend to see things at "face value" and women are more in tune to a more subtle veiw....
So no offense of course, but maybe I could ask what is your wife's attitude about sex in general? About sex toys ?
Does she often iniate sex, or do you make all the first moves? What is her attitude about her street clothes? Can she get a little fussy about her appearance? Is she a perky bit of sunshine or maybe she's been a bit tired or stressed lately?
Maybe something more you can tell us about you and your wife will help someone help you.
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| July 16, 2007, 19:02 |
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Re: Lingerie
Sex for her is something to fit into the schedule. Such as jumping out of bed first thing on a Sunday morning to clean the house instead of staying in bed for a little bit longer. We tried the sex toy - small vibe - thrown away shortly thereafter by her. Tried watching softcore - never again. I initiate, if not there would be none. Very fussy about appearance. She has a lot of energy, spunky, and perky. Under some stresses throughout the day - however this has going on for years. Hope this doesn't sound like I am complaining. I am trying not too. 
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| July 16, 2007, 19:18 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Nope...don't worry about sounding like you're complaining, the minute you join this site, you are among friends, some of the best people ever and they love to help any way they can..
Men and women are sooo different, don't have to tell anybody that! I love our differences but the differences are what complicate simple things...
When something is going on with a couple, men will see the "symptoms" as separate little problems...so, actually the lingerie is not a problem, it's a symptom of something else.
So..her attitude with sex, porn, vibes...has this always been her attitude, or is this a change, if it is a change has it been sudden or over time? If it's a change, then can you at all maybe pinpoint anything about the change, when did it start? Does it relate to something else, like children if you have any? Ya know...things like that?
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| July 16, 2007, 19:33 |
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REALshedevil
66 / female
Richmond, Missouri, US
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Re: Re: Lingerie
QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 16, 2007, 19:33)Nope...don't worry about sounding like you're complaining, the minute you join this site, you are among friends, some of the best people ever and they love to help any way they can..
Men and women are sooo different, don't have to tell anybody that! I love our differences but the differences are what complicate simple things...
When something is going on with a couple, men will see the "symptoms" as separate little problems...so, actually the lingerie is not a problem, it's a symptom of something else.
So..her attitude with sex, porn, vibes...has this always been her attitude, or is this a change, if it is a change has it been sudden or over time? If it's a change, then can you at all maybe pinpoint anything about the change, when did it start? Does it relate to something else, like children if you have any? Ya know...things like that?
How right you are Chazzy. I had 12 years where I didn't have any interest in feeling or being sexy. Didn't even want to have sex . Lots of factors can be causing this.
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| July 16, 2007, 20:49 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Casual, you might need to look a little deeper for the bigger things, and work on that, then the other "little" things can fall into place.
We are here for ya, talk about it all you want and we'll do our best to help you figure it out.
We've all been through things, maybe similiar to what you are experiencing.
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| July 16, 2007, 21:50 |
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Re: Lingerie
Her attitude has not changed since we have been married. She has always been reserved when it comes to sex. I would like her to let loose more often but not sure which way to take it and how far.
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| July 19, 2007, 21:49 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Well okay then! Now we know more about what we're really talking about now...not just someone who doesn't care about lingerie, but someone who is reserved and inhibited...so, her reservations, is she just kinda shy, or religious, or (God forbid!!) maybe abused as a child?
Does she ever drink? (a little wine or alcohol can really relax me!) What if anything, have you noticed makes her feel relaxed and cuddly/romantic or is she just not a very affectionate person?
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| July 19, 2007, 22:21 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
She is by no means shy. She is not religious and not abused. She does drink wine occassionally. Not really affectionate unless she wants to be.
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| July 19, 2007, 22:48 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Oh boy, sweetie, don't know what to say...have you been married long?
I'm hoping someone who has shared a similiar experience could jump in here and be allot more help than I can be.
One thing I can say for sure is, don't get discouraged about it and keep trying...and there's lots of people here to talk to about this and anything else on your mind.
Wish I could just give you some magic formula, or say just the right thing to make it all better. But I'm certain things for you can and will improve, for you and your wife.
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| July 19, 2007, 23:34 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
My first wife mother was like this. She wouldn't wear lingerie or show any interest is sex. She was taught my her mother that sex was an evil thing a woman had to endure
when she is married. She didn't open up to the pleasures of sex until her three oldest daughters were getting married and talking openly about sex and shocked her into reality. I hope maybe something someone comes up with helps. Good luck
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| July 20, 2007, 01:15 |
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Re: Lingerie
Thanks again for your help Chazzy. I will continue the march. Someday, hopefully soon it will change for the better.
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| July 24, 2007, 17:28 |
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Re: Lingerie
Well, you just continue to hang out with us all here, I'm sure you'll find many here to talk to that have or have had your same problem...and you'll make allot of friends here that can take your mind off your problems too!
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| July 24, 2007, 17:50 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
Are you offering?? I would also like to get her to watch each other masterbate - don't know how to breach the subject though. Any ideas??
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| July 25, 2007, 22:28 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Lingerie
buy sum n suprise her    
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| January 7, 2008, 22:59 |
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