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Liberalwife
47 / female
north, England, UK
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Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Nobody ever sung THESE in highschool.... !! 
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.
Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
Simple Simon
Simple Simon met a Pieman,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses
And all the kings men,
Said "F*ck him,
He's only an egg."
Mary Had a Another Lamb
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass,
And turned it's wool to nylon.
Georgy Porgy
Georgie Porgy, pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay .
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill,
To have little fun.
Jill, that dill
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.
Old Mother Hubbard
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.
Little Boy Blue
Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the Money.
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| June 6, 2007, 06:33 |
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REALshedevil
66 / female
Richmond, Missouri, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
 Too cute Liberal
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| June 6, 2007, 08:43 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
amazing!!
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| June 7, 2007, 08:30 |
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rawk35
56 / couple
valley, Oregon, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
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| June 7, 2007, 20:37 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
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| June 9, 2007, 20:55 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
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| June 11, 2007, 09:59 |
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blooz69
74 / male
AnyCity, Colorado, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
As Always Sexy Brit, TWO THUMBs UP
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| June 11, 2007, 15:40 |
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blooz69
74 / male
AnyCity, Colorado, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn.
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where is the boy that looks after the sheep?
He's in Lil Bo Peep
that's why The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
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| July 28, 2008, 18:19 |
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wandering5tar
54 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Mary had a little skirt
Split right up the side
And everytime she wore it
She showed a lot of thigh
Mary had another skirt
Split right up the front
But she didn't wear that one very often
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| July 28, 2008, 18:45 |
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dave2big
81 / male
somewhere, Nebraska, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Mary Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow ? with silver bells and cockel shells...................................................... .................and one fuckin egg plant !!!!!!1
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| July 29, 2008, 07:56 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
All of these are soooo funny!
xox
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| July 30, 2008, 09:54 |
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Liberalwife
47 / female
north, England, UK
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
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| July 30, 2008, 10:08 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick
Dear oh dear he should have jumped higher
Oh good gracious, great balls of fire
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
'Pies you dumb ass.'
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay .
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| July 30, 2008, 15:39 |
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wandering5tar
54 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water;
Jill came down with half-a-crown;
Having done what she didn't oughta
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| July 31, 2008, 15:29 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Old McDonald Sitting on a bench,
hitting his meat with a monkey wrench,
missed his meat and hit his balls,
pissed all over his overalls,
Went to the pond to wash it off,
That Damn turtle bit it off,
Went to the Doctor to get it fixed,
That damn doctor gave him tits.
 (my bad!) 
xox
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| August 1, 2008, 00:23 |
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wandering5tar
54 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
This is the tale of Sonia Snell,
To whom an accident befell.
An accident which may well seem
Embarrassing in the extreme.
It happened, as it does to many,
That Sonia had to spend a penny.
She entered in with modest grace
The properly appointed place
Provided at the railway station,
And there she sat in meditation,
Unfortunately unacquainted
That the seat had just been painted
Which made poor Sonia realise
Her inability to rise.
And though she struggled, pulled and yelled
She found that she was firmly held.
She raised her voice in mournful shout
"Please someone come and help me out."
Her cries for help then quickly brought
A crowd of every kind and sort.
They stood around and feebly sniggered
And all they said was "I'll be jiggered."
"Gor blimey" said the ancient porter
"We ought to soak her off with water."
The Station Master and the staff
Were most perverse and did not laugh
But lugged at Sonia's hands and feet
And could not get her off the seat.
The carpenter arrived at last
And, finding Sonia still stuck fast
Remarked "I know what I can do',
And neatly sawed the seat right through.
Sonia arose, only to find
A wooden halo on her behind.
An ambulance came down the street
And bore her off, complete with seat
To take the wooden bustled gal
Off quickly to the hospital.
They hurried Sonia off inside
After a short but painful ride
And seizing her by heels and head
Laid her face down upon the bed.
The doctors all came on parade
To render her immediate aid.
A surgeon said "Upon my word
Could anything be more absurd,
Have any of you, I implore,
Seen anything like this before?"
"Yes" said a student, unashamed,
"Frequently... but never framed."
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| August 2, 2008, 04:05 |
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dave2big
81 / male
somewhere, Nebraska, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
a nursery ryme that my late father sent to my late mother in 1936 when she lived in Omaha. "Mary had a little lamb,she tied it to a heater, and every time it turned around,it burnt its little seater" kinda sweet and silly,dont you think ?
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| August 3, 2008, 08:10 |
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jerry3902
80 / male
Longview, Texas, US
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Re: Not-so Nursery Rhymes!
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was black as soot
and everywhere that Mary went
It's sooty foot he put.
courtesy of Benny Hill
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| August 15, 2008, 13:57 |
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