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User no longer registered.
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Life's Wisdom
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butts...then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
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| September 15, 2004, 14:47 |
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backfromaustintx
66 / male
Burlington, Ontario, Canada
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Re: Life's Wisdom
Golden!
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| September 15, 2004, 21:35 |
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bawbie
63 / female
mesa, Arizona, US
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Re: Life's Wisdom
here's one you missed-
behind every silver lining, there's a dark cloud.
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| September 19, 2004, 00:58 |
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artful1
57 / male
Manhattan, New York, US
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Re: Life's Wisdom
Master Yoda,your re-cycled wisdom is engaging.I find that beauty coupled with anachronistic expression is an intoxicating afrodisiac..
....may the force be with you(unless it knocks you down)-lol...
Love ya KB.
Peace and Blessings,
Artful1
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| September 20, 2004, 07:07 |
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absix
40 / male
Web Naughty
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Re: Life's Wisdom
Excellent post! 
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| September 20, 2004, 08:21 |
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beezeeka
46 / male
Minneapolis, Minnesota, US
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Re: Life's Wisdom
that is hilarious
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| September 20, 2004, 15:02 |
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Tease
47 / female
small town, Minnesota, US
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Re: Life's Wisdom
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
So true... 
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| September 21, 2004, 22:59 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Life's Wisdom
Subject: Home Remedies
Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
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| September 28, 2004, 14:19 |
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bawbie
63 / female
mesa, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: Life's Wisdom
QUOTE (kbateman @ September 28, 2004, 14:19)
You only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tap
southern engineering at it's finest. 
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| September 28, 2004, 19:38 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Life's Wisdom
Found this post and it made me laugh!!
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| October 4, 2008, 08:53 |
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