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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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I need your help!
I need advice!
As you all knew, I thought I had met someone who was just the perfect person for me.....As time went on, I realized that he was addicted to adderall.....In the past he had abused it so bad that it harmed him till this day....He will pass out, and become comatose if he doesn't have it.....He had been laying in my bed for days straight because he abused it so bad while with me (which I didn't know) that I had to get the prescription from my therapist so he could function....The only problem with that was, when he used it he was on speed, and he went a mile a minute, hurt himself, and then blamed it on me, that things had to get done.....(Which they didn't, it was his addiction)......Two days ago, he started a fight with me so badly that he broke a picture, and started to tell me horrible things, mainly telling me I was a whore, and a fucking bitch......His ex girlfriend happen to call him who lives hours away and told him she had bottles full of adderall, and he said to me only an addict would drive there to get it, accompanied by addicts are liars......I now find out that he took the trip up there!.....
My question, I have no more feelings for him because of what he put me through, but I also know he needs some kind of help....(he has even fudged his prescriptions to get more)......Because I care for him, and I'm smart enough to know that he is not in control, Do I call his parents and tell them how bad off he is so he can get the help he needs, or do I just let him slowly die?....Because that's what will happen!.....He has told his parents before a few years ago, and they monitored his meds, but his life got better.....I feel they have NO clue right now how bad he is, but not sure its my job to say something, and then in the same breath I think, who will help him?......
A little or any advice would be truly appreciated!.....I honestly don't know what to do?.....My heart says help him, but then again, my heart has gotten me where I am today! 
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| February 24, 2007, 15:13 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
Reaching out to others is difficult, especially when you are in the middle of a break up with someone. We've never officially met but I read your posts and I don't think you can just walk away from this. Many will say he's a lunatic, "fuck him and move on," but I don't really think you want to hear that or act that way towards him. Addiction can only be beaten by someone that wants to stop using, drinking, smoking, eating, or whatever it is they are doing to themselves. He will be angry with you, hell, he will be livid if you contact his family but you owe yourself the peace of mind to at least let them know what is going on. I think you should place a caring and compassionate call to his family letting them know that even though you are no longer with him you still care very much for him and wanted to let them know what was going on in his life. Perhaps they can help him, perhaps they can't but they should at least be aware of what they are facing in case they get a call in the middle of the night that he has hurt himself, or worse, someone else (especially you).
Hugs to you, I know this must be a very difficult time for you.
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| February 24, 2007, 15:26 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
Hi Kitten,I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you're all right.I think you need to ask yourself if you tell his parents will they believe you?I hope if you tell them they will thank you and get him some help and not turn on you and say, you're lying our son wouldn't do that!and hope he don't come back to hurt you for telling,so please be careful whatever you do,I wish you luck. 
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| February 24, 2007, 15:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
Hey, NYK, I'll be in the chat room for a little while if you want to visit...
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| February 24, 2007, 15:29 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
the best thing that you can do is plan for an intervention. i am not sure of what it takes to do this, but if you really care for him, i suggest that you call a drug counselor get him some sort of help, trust me, in the long run, you will feel much better for it..even if it is hard to deal with right now. if you don't, you will end up blaming yourself, if he does end up dead...you do not have to stay in the relationship, but in the back of your mind, you will always wonder what would have happened....
good luck...
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| February 24, 2007, 15:35 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (Juilianna @ February 24, 2007, 15:26)Reaching out to others is difficult, especially when you are in the middle of a break up with someone. We've never officially met but I read your posts and I don't think you can just walk away from this. Many will say he's a lunatic, "fuck him and move on," but I don't really think you want to hear that or act that way towards him. Addiction can only be beaten by someone that wants to stop using, drinking, smoking, eating, or whatever it is they are doing to themselves. He will be angry with you, hell, he will be livid if you contact his family but you owe yourself the peace of mind to at least let them know what is going on. I think you should place a caring and compassionate call to his family letting them know that even though you are no longer with him you still care very much for him and wanted to let them know what was going on in his life. Perhaps they can help him, perhaps they can't but they should at least be aware of what they are facing in case they get a call in the middle of the night that he has hurt himself, or worse, someone else (especially you).
Hugs to you, I know this must be a very difficult time for you.
Thank you so much for the advice!.....Its so how I feel and agree with you 100%!....Im so glad people know who I am here and know that my heart is so big that its truly only because I care!.....You have given me the feeling that its the only thing to do, and I can't thank you enough!....From the bottom of my heart!.....True friends are far and few in between, but I have so many great ones here at webnaughty, that through out all the bad that happens in my life, I have learned to be grateful for those people I can rely on, even though I have never met them!......
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| February 24, 2007, 16:07 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: I need your help!
He needs help that you can't give him. Plus he won't get it until he wants it, unfortunately you are caught up in it. Chances are he won't do anything till he's hit rock bottom, & maybe drag you down as he goes.Time for a professional,but it's not easy for anyone, I've seen it consume everything people have, belongings all the way to their family. Have you looked into this guys background??
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| February 24, 2007, 16:08 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
Honestly sweetheart, you've got more than enough on your plate to try and help someone with a drug problem. It sounds to me that he would and has used you because he sees you as an easy mark. I would tell him point blank that you will drive him to a professional today! That would be the right thing to do. Don't be an enabler for him. If he resists, call the cops on him. He needs professional help. You are not that professional.
You are the most important person here. Stay safe.
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| February 24, 2007, 17:01 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: I need your help!
Thank you all!.....I have spoken to his mother and she was extremely grateful that I called her with such concern....I hated to be the one who started the journey for him, but it's one he had to take.....She knew he had a problem before, but had no idea how bad it was this time....The sad thing was, she actually asked me what to do.....I advised her to call his Doctor and discuss it with him......So she did, and they are going to get him the help he needs.....His mother said to me that she could see how much I loved him, and that no one ever took those steps to help him, yet they all seemed to enable him.....I must say, it was nice to hear that she knew it came from my heart being that I know he doesn't feel that way!
The unfortunate part is that the one message I got from him he felt I was "out for blood"...He also thought I was jealous because he went to see his ex girlfriend, (at least I know in my heart it wasn't for love but drugs)..I can only pray after he gets the help he needs that he can see it was out of love not vengeance!.......God works in funny ways, I'm the only one in his life that actually went above and beyond to help him, when most just took advantage and then let him go when he couldn't function!.....Ohhhh the irony!
I'm not one to give up on someone I care for, and I realize an addiction can ruin a persons life, and they can't even see it....Although I had no intentions of playing "God" with his life, I know in my heart he will be thank full one day!
Thanks again for giving me the advice I so desperately needed!......You all gave me the strength to do the right thing!...I am so blessed!  
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| February 24, 2007, 18:40 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
He is blessed to have had you NYK. As long as you know in your heart you did nothing out of spite you will be fine. Right now his anger is directed at you because addiction doesn't allow a person to see that they are responsible for their own behavior and destiny. I work closely with a program that helps people with addiction and they rarely can see the problems they have until they are sober. It is interesting how many recovering alcoholics and drug addicts are narcisists. The only view of their world is from their perspective. They rarely see that other around them are a casualty of their behavior.
Keep your chin up and know that you did this out of love and make certain to watch after yourself in all of this. You've done the right thing by leaving him, don't go back, you will only enable him by giving him hope. The person you became involved with is not the same person he will be on the other side of this.
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| February 24, 2007, 19:19 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
Kitten,,,get smart...get out.... I know that RC would tell you the same.... !!!!
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| February 24, 2007, 19:35 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
Me NYK maybe I am selfish or maybe as I have grown to maturity and have recognized the ya gotta look out for # 1 argument ,ya cant let somebodies fucked up life fuck up your life amen .
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| February 24, 2007, 22:23 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (jd39l @ February 24, 2007, 22:23)Me NYK maybe I am selfish or maybe as I have grown to maturity and have recognized the ya gotta look out for # 1 argument ,ya cant let somebodies fucked up life fuck up your life amen .
AMEN!! DITTO!!! You will be okay NYK.... 
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| February 24, 2007, 22:57 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
Can only give you a hug sweetie...
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| February 25, 2007, 04:05 |
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Man4fmf
67 / male
dayton, Ohio, US
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Re: I need your help!
NYK, That was such an unselfish and wonderful display of caring and honest love! That took guts, cuz you knew there would be flack thrown your way from him.
You know he is an addict, so you should know that anything he says to you isn't being said from his heart. Try and remember that when you feel like you betrayed him.
I went thru that with a friend yrs ago. He told me I had no right to butt into his life and that i was self righteous and my life was not worth living.
He has been clean for 15 yrs now, but we have different lives. Which is normally the case.
Hang tuff and never doubt your decision.
Peace Always....hugs
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| February 25, 2007, 07:33 |
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Man4fmf
67 / male
dayton, Ohio, US
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Re: I need your help!
Juilianna...Great advice, and so well written! 
NRG....I feel you are right on target with your thots also.
Everyone is so sincere and helpful here. What a great bunch of people!  for all.
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| February 25, 2007, 07:49 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
You know I can't add anything better to what has already been written, but I would like to thank everybody here for helping NYK. She is a true friend to each of us and I truly hope she knows how much she means to us. Love ya Tiff. May tomorrow be better.
jj
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| February 25, 2007, 13:04 |
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svedishchef
45 / male
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
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Re: I need your help!
Motherducker.
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| February 25, 2007, 13:26 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (Jessejames @ February 25, 2007, 13:04)You know I can't add anything better to what has already been written, but I would like to thank everybody here for helping NYK. She is a true friend to each of us and I truly hope she knows how much she means to us. Love ya Tiff. May tomorrow be better.
jj
It already is, thanks to you! 
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| February 25, 2007, 13:33 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (nykitten @ February 25, 2007, 13:33) QUOTE (Jessejames @ February 25, 2007, 13:04)You know I can't add anything better to what has already been written, but I would like to thank everybody here for helping NYK. She is a true friend to each of us and I truly hope she knows how much she means to us. Love ya Tiff. May tomorrow be better.
jj
It already is, thanks to you!
OK...would you two please hook up and get a room!!! LOL...let us know how it goes...
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| February 25, 2007, 13:43 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (Juilianna @ February 25, 2007, 13:43) QUOTE (nykitten @ February 25, 2007, 13:33) QUOTE (Jessejames @ February 25, 2007, 13:04)You know I can't add anything better to what has already been written, but I would like to thank everybody here for helping NYK. She is a true friend to each of us and I truly hope she knows how much she means to us. Love ya Tiff. May tomorrow be better.
jj
It already is, thanks to you!
OK...would you two please hook up and get a room!!! LOL...let us know how it goes...
If you have seen him, you would want to join us !.... 
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| February 25, 2007, 13:49 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (nykitten @ February 25, 2007, 13:49) QUOTE (Juilianna @ February 25, 2007, 13:43) QUOTE (nykitten @ February 25, 2007, 13:33) QUOTE (Jessejames @ February 25, 2007, 13:04)You know I can't add anything better to what has already been written, but I would like to thank everybody here for helping NYK. She is a true friend to each of us and I truly hope she knows how much she means to us. Love ya Tiff. May tomorrow be better.
jj
It already is, thanks to you!
OK...would you two please hook up and get a room!!! LOL...let us know how it goes...
If you have seen him, you would want to join us !....
Hahaha See love is BLIND! 
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| February 25, 2007, 13:51 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: I need your help!
I just hijacked my on thread! 
You would make anyone want to join in, blind or not!
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| February 25, 2007, 13:54 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: I need your help!
maybe you two should get a room
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| February 25, 2007, 13:55 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (nykitten @ February 25, 2007, 13:54)I just hijacked my on thread!
You would make anyone want to join in, blind or not!
 it sounds like fun!!!
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| February 25, 2007, 14:01 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (NRG4U @ February 25, 2007, 13:55)maybe you two should get a room
I need a plane ticket first! 
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| February 25, 2007, 14:02 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (nykitten @ February 25, 2007, 14:02) QUOTE (NRG4U @ February 25, 2007, 13:55)maybe you two should get a room
I need a plane ticket first!
Hum...seems to me someone aroud here has a plane
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| February 25, 2007, 14:04 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: I need your help!
Anyone I know???
lol
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| February 25, 2007, 14:09 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (NRG4U @ February 25, 2007, 14:09)Anyone I know???
lol
well maybe. Do you have a mirror handy. He looks alot like you 
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| February 25, 2007, 14:11 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: I need your help!
Oh sure, I know that chap.... nice guy , I think hes nice....lol
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| February 25, 2007, 14:12 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: I need your help!
QUOTE (NRG4U @ February 25, 2007, 14:12)Oh sure, I know that chap.... nice guy , I think hes nice....lol
Ohhh he is nice!
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| February 25, 2007, 14:19 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: I need your help!
I hear he has a devilish side too, so keep you eyes on him
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| February 25, 2007, 14:23 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: I need your help!
I'll keep my eyes on him.
Ma
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| February 25, 2007, 16:34 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: I need your help!
nyk... I think you did the ideal thing. I can see how it'd be a really hard and bitter situation to go through considering all who is 'involved' with this.
Listen to your guts. In the long run, he'll thank you for all you've done once he realizes what he's fucking up... if it's not too late. Keep in touch.
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| February 25, 2007, 20:27 |
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rawk35
56 / couple
valley, Oregon, US
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Re: I need your help!
its obvious you know wat needs to happen,and you are lookin for support for that. you without a doubt have that here!first and foremost you come first and no compromise on that is acceptable.your huge heart is rare and i admire and respect that. a beautiful strong woman such as yourself will always endure! to the future, hugs and smiles, ciao, Rawklion! keep your chin up!
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| February 25, 2007, 20:46 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: I need your help!
OMG, Kitten. First and foremost is the safety of you and your children. This is very serious. I'm not sure if you have yet grasped the magnitude of this. This drug you referred to is very powerful and highly addictive. You cannot help him, until he wants the help. You can steer him in the right direction, if he goes. You must do this from a far, get out now, for your sake and the sake of the kids. You have enough on your plate, and I'm afraid that this will drag you down. I have a very bad feeling about this one.
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| February 26, 2007, 01:41 |
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