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The Sex Tool
what can you do (how do you handle it) if your partner uses sex as a tool instead of as the fun it should be?
anything from ignoring you once they get theirs to just making suggestive comments, as if they're horny, as a lure to get something else.
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| January 21, 2007, 19:36 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
Now, now BCB, you have just summed up the entire secret of the female perspective on sex...just playing.
I don't hold sex for ransom because I like it as much or more than any man. I don't hold out when I'm mad and I don't use it as a reward for a job well done. I think sex/making love is a recreational event! If a quickie is needed, I provide that as often as necessary, but when I'm ready for mine you better believe we are in it for the long haul!!!
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| January 21, 2007, 19:48 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
pretty much how i view it... but i'd much rather go with out than wonder if it's an attempt for something else everytime... kinda kills the fun in no time flat when you are always left wondering if its really just sex , a reward, or a bribe.
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| January 21, 2007, 20:18 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
since generally men and women are opposite in the way they approach sex, usually men being from the physical sense and woment from the emotional. I personally feel that if a man is satisfied in a relationship physically he will provide the emotional satisfaction to his partner and if a woman is satisfied emotionally she will provide the physical satisfaction. thus, the circle is complete, each getting their "needs" met. Don't get me wrong, I believe a man has emotional needs, a woman has physical needs, we each usually approach things differently. I think it is part of our genetic composition and we are "built" for this cycle of give and take...it is all in how we meet each other's needs without using this sensual gift for a bargaining "tool."
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| January 22, 2007, 06:43 |
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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: The Sex Tool
I agree. Sex is for fun, not something to hold over your partners' head, for any reason, male or female. If you have a problem with something, then it needs to be discussed, not ignored. If you have a problem with your body then tell your husband/SO, otherwise that problem will spill over into other areas and strain your relationship even more.
  
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| January 22, 2007, 07:51 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
sex as a tool is shallow and short-term..not to mention "unhealthy"...it isn't a resolution for anything else missing in the relationship either...and often when used as a tool, sex isn't fulfilling for either partner.
if sex isn't fun in and of itself, then your getting short-changed.
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| January 22, 2007, 09:25 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
Reading about sex to be viewed as fun is not how I was raised, even though I believe that to be true I still have these deep seated values from 12 yrs of Catholic school, that the highest form of sex is through emotional feelings of love for your partner. The main problem for me was always trying to get a grasp on the emotional end of it all, because as I got to be in my twenties, I noticed that I had emotional feelings for lots of women, even ones that I did not know, so I guess, the word emotional is a conglomeration of love, lust, infatuation, and fun, I know at my age, infatuation, lust and fun are mostly essential to make it work for me now.
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| January 22, 2007, 18:44 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
Whoops!!! I forgot the main topic Sex as a tool, after 35yrs of marriage and two wives, I have experienced both love, fun and the TOOL thing to be of equal experience. But I do not have a problem with that, especially if I am horny, and also because I have a good grasp on the word NO!
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| January 22, 2007, 18:52 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
Heard it called and used as a weapon...but never a tool..
M Lev..  
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| January 22, 2007, 22:15 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
I've known a few "Tools" in my time - does that count? 
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| January 22, 2007, 23:17 |
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Re: The Sex Tool
Yeh, first wife definitely used it as a tool.
The second is becoming more moody and also using it when she wants me, but not vice versa.
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| January 23, 2007, 12:14 |
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Liberalwife
47 / female
north, England, UK
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Re: Re: The Sex Tool
QUOTE (TropiFun @ January 22, 2007, 09:25)sex as a tool is shallow and short-term..not to mention "unhealthy"...it isn't a resolution for anything else missing in the relationship either...and often when used as a tool, sex isn't fulfilling for either partner.
if sex isn't fun in and of itself, then your getting short-changed.
Couldn't agree with you more there Tropi
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| January 23, 2007, 14:48 |
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Re: Re: Re: The Sex Tool
QUOTE (Liberalwife @ January 23, 2007, 14:48) QUOTE (TropiFun @ January 22, 2007, 09:25)sex as a tool is shallow and short-term..not to mention "unhealthy"...it isn't a resolution for anything else missing in the relationship either...and often when used as a tool, sex isn't fulfilling for either partner.
if sex isn't fun in and of itself, then your getting short-changed.
Couldn't agree with you more there Tropi
welcum to my harem Liberal!!
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| January 24, 2007, 10:10 |
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