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Forgiving a cheater
Could you ever completely forgive and trust someone if they had cheated on you, like a one time thing kind of cheating?
Can you forgive AND forget?
I've known couples that sucessfully survived the cheating of one on the other, and I must say, I admire that the forgiver could continue on and that the forgiver and cheater could still have a strong and loving relationship.
I'm not so sure I could be that big of a person,, really!
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| January 1, 2007, 04:37 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
probably the only way to really get over it properly is to give them back some of their own medicine.
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| January 1, 2007, 05:49 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
my last girlfriend cheated on me several times and I forgave her ,I lent her money that she had no intention of paying backIforgave her ,I bought her things such as a car and a diamond ring that she did nt appreciate I didnt make a stink , but one night I caught her out at a local restaurant with another man ,we had an argument and a little pushing and shoving ensued ,and after she sicked the local police on me , I spent the night in jail, and had to walk home in the morning ,on that walk home it finally hit me ,my freedom is more important to me .
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| January 1, 2007, 06:27 |
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Re: Re: Forgiving a cheater
QUOTE (jd39l @ January 1, 2007, 06:27)my last girlfriend cheated on me several times and I forgave her ,I lent her money that she had no intention of paying backIforgave her ,I bought her things such as a car and a diamond ring that she did nt appreciate I didnt make a stink , but one night I caught her out at a local restaurant with another man ,we had an argument and a little pushing and shoving ensued ,and after she sicked the local police on me , I spent the night in jail, and had to walk home in the morning ,on that walk home it finally hit me ,my freedom is more important to me .
Sorry to hear that, just thought I would tell you that your not alone in that area, been there myself
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| January 1, 2007, 06:36 |
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Muffinman
44 / male
rockhampton, Queensland, Australia
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
nope been there doen that i hold cheat like i hold sins of the world
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| January 1, 2007, 07:20 |
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GG317
60 / male
Bowl of Granola, Massachusetts, US
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
I look at it as, "Cheat on me once, shame on you. Cheat on me twice, shame on me. Cheat on three times, not going to happen."... 
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| January 1, 2007, 08:03 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
I've been on both ends of this one. Didn't feel good either way. One I was forgiven and I have forgiven also. Once, only once will I forgive such a thing!. Then it depends on the situation.
EVery situation has extenuating circumstances.--- or is that extended 
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| January 1, 2007, 09:15 |
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lizonya
64 / couple
lake elsinore, California, US
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
can forgive but never forget - and the forgivness part is only a front to make things seems normal again.
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| January 1, 2007, 12:54 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
Don'tknow if my ex was cheating or not, but when she left because I was laying in a burn center, all burned up, I knew I couldn't depend on her. As soon as I was out of the hospital, I wiped my hands clean of her, of course that means I've been alone every since. So there was good & bad out of that, but I think the good outweighs the bad.
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| January 1, 2007, 13:08 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
I would say no I could not, but I have never had to deal with it and hope i never have to, so I'm not sure. I think it is something you have to go through to give a answer.
Ma
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| January 1, 2007, 14:01 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
I've forgiven someone, but i made them stay away for over three years till i had them back in the house. However it still didn't work out, but other issues arose.
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| January 1, 2007, 14:05 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
seems kinda strange to me that cheating is such a big topic here at webnaughty, oh well,, I have been told that I am weird anyway 
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| January 1, 2007, 14:06 |
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Re: Re: Forgiving a cheater
QUOTE (lizonya @ January 1, 2007, 12:54)can forgive but never forget - and the forgivness part is only a front to make things seems normal again.
she stole my answer.. except i have this fault where i never let people regain my trust. kinda like brain cells, you get a specific ample amount to start with but if you piss them away they dont come back.
QUOTE (hothands @ January 1, 2007, 14:06)seems kinda strange to me that cheating is such a big topic here at webnaughty, oh well,, I have been told that I am weird anyway
i'm guessing because a lot of people are here with possible intentions and are rationalizing. and weird aint a half bad place to exist.
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| January 1, 2007, 16:32 |
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Re: Re: Re: Forgiving a cheater
QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ January 1, 2007, 16:32) QUOTE (lizonya @ January 1, 2007, 12:54)can forgive but never forget - and the forgivness part is only a front to make things seems normal again.
she stole my answer.. except i have this fault where i never let people regain my trust. kinda like brain cells, you get a specific ample amount to start with but if you piss them away they dont come back.
QUOTE (hothands @ January 1, 2007, 14:06)seems kinda strange to me that cheating is such a big topic here at webnaughty, oh well,, I have been told that I am weird anyway
i'm guessing because a lot of people are here with possible intentions and are rationalizing. and weird aint a half bad place to exist.
The reason I know about WebNaughty is because I busted my spouse "looking" around. Trust is a very fragile thing and I used to give it freely, now I always proceed with extreme caution...forgiveness is easy, it is living with the collateral damage afterwards.
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| January 1, 2007, 17:40 |
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dave2big
81 / male
somewhere, Nebraska, US
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
forgive a woman that cheated on me ? in a word.......never !!
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| January 1, 2007, 18:24 |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Forgiving a cheater
QUOTE (Juilianna @ January 1, 2007, 17:40) QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ January 1, 2007, 16:32) QUOTE (lizonya @ January 1, 2007, 12:54)can forgive but never forget - and the forgivness part is only a front to make things seems normal again.
she stole my answer.. except i have this fault where i never let people regain my trust. kinda like brain cells, you get a specific ample amount to start with but if you piss them away they dont come back.
QUOTE (hothands @ January 1, 2007, 14:06)seems kinda strange to me that cheating is such a big topic here at webnaughty, oh well,, I have been told that I am weird anyway
i'm guessing because a lot of people are here with possible intentions and are rationalizing. and weird aint a half bad place to exist.
The reason I know about WebNaughty is because I busted my spouse "looking" around. Trust is a very fragile thing and I used to give it freely, now I always proceed with extreme caution...forgiveness is easy, it is living with the collateral damage afterwards.
sometimes it is hard to rationalize and to take part of the blame for spouses to wander, I am sure webnaughty is a safe place to wander, nothing wrong with peaking over the fence once in a while and seeing whats going on, on the other hand snooping is an invasion of privacy, you will always find something that you dont like or cannot deal with, unless you Marry a puppet.
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| January 1, 2007, 19:31 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
This is another one of those sensitive issues that rarely I comment on but in this case......I have been on both sides of the fence here I don't know if total trust ever comes back but I do know that both of us have grown from it some good and some bad. I hope our love last forever but u never know  some people our judgemental about cheating any they never can forgive each reason for cheating is always complex
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| January 1, 2007, 20:06 |
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40something
57 / female
In the Sun, Arizona, US
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
We have discussed this before actually. And we both decided that we are too important to each other to cheat on each other, but if something was that wrong we need to look to our relationship to figure it out. Cheating is a symptom, not the problem
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| January 1, 2007, 22:23 |
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Re: Re: Forgiving a cheater
QUOTE (40something @ January 1, 2007, 22:23)We have discussed this before actually. And we both decided that we are too important to each other to cheat on each other, but if something was that wrong we need to look to our relationship to figure it out. Cheating is a symptom, not the problem
I couldn't agree more...if there were problems you would talk about them before they ever went to the cheating domain...that is respectful and wonderful.
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| January 1, 2007, 23:11 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
my ex-wife was cheated on by her former boyfriend (before we hooked up) it took me a long time to gain her trust. she knows that i would never actually have cheated on her but in the back of her mind she was always wondering if i would have....she accused me of sleeping with our old roommate but it never happened  ....i finally convinced her of that... 
here is an interesting take on cheating...is talking to a m.o.s. in a chat room  (sexual or not) considered cheating?
i was conversing with a gal on a game website and the ex caught me, not that i was hiding anything , and said that it was just as bad as cheating for real!!!
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| January 1, 2007, 23:52 |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Forgiving a cheater
QUOTE (hothands @ January 1, 2007, 19:31) QUOTE (Juilianna @ January 1, 2007, 17:40) QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ January 1, 2007, 16:32) QUOTE (lizonya @ January 1, 2007, 12:54)can forgive but never forget - and the forgivness part is only a front to make things seems normal again.
The reason I know about WebNaughty is because I busted my spouse "looking" around. Trust is a very fragile thing and I used to give it freely, now I always proceed with extreme caution...forgiveness is easy, it is living with the collateral damage afterwards.
sometimes it is hard to rationalize and to take part of the blame for spouses to wander, I am sure webnaughty is a safe place to wander, nothing wrong with peaking over the fence once in a while and seeing whats going on, on the other hand snooping is an invasion of privacy, you will always find something that you dont like or cannot deal with, unless you Marry a puppet.
Snooping? LOL, I went online to pay a bill and he had left the browser open to WN...hard to ignore. There were definately problems in our marriage before he strayed but as I told my children when they were learning to talk..."USE YOUR WORDS"
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| January 2, 2007, 02:05 |
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Re: Forgiving a cheater
Snooping? LOL, I went online to pay a bill and he had left the browser open to WN...hard to ignore. There were definately problems in our marriage before he strayed but as I told my children when they were learning to talk..."USE YOUR WORDS
Maybe leaving the browser open to webnaughty is his way of using his WORDS to def ears, none of us are miracle workers, when there is to much confrontation or deprivation we will often take the path of least resistance even if it means loosing the farm. working things out is the easy part, not being able to see the other persons side is where the damage begins.
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| January 2, 2007, 05:49 |
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