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MESSAGE |
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User no longer registered.
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Pets
Dear Dogs and Cats,
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to
switch positions with each other so there are still two
of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your
food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my
plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you
can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and
cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is
not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues
hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage
to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,
meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge
and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the
bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not
necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog
or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who
Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off
the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids
...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are
easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't
smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the
latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need
a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the children.
 
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| November 7, 2006, 09:53 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Pets
Awwww....way too much of that is familiar to me...
and right now...I've got a dog whiney to go for a walk, it's raining like hell, and he sticks his out, sees it's raining, backs back in the door, and looks at me and whines like I'm suppose to make it quit raining.
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| November 7, 2006, 09:58 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Pets
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| November 7, 2006, 10:06 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Pets
Aw, I see you've been too my house also. 
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| November 7, 2006, 17:53 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Pets
LOL. I loved it moon...
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| November 7, 2006, 21:39 |
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