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Smile, your on candid..........
My wife and my best friends are in the process of getting a divorce. They are in the financial resolution faze right now. Man, does this whole situation hurt! I love those two dearly and I can't prevent it from happening. I tried my damnedest but no luck. I'm heart broken. Hell, they are also getting a divorce from us.
He told me last night that he had hired a detective to check up on his wife's activities a few months ago and has pictures just in case his wife tries to screw him over in the divorce. He sad he wants me to see them in the near future to prove to me that she was fooling around on him. I do not believe she was though. I guess you see what you want to see. I love that woman dearly.
Should I look at the pictures if he requests or not??
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| October 21, 2006, 18:31 |
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Tungmeister
69 / male
Miller Beach, Indiana, US
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Re: Smile, your on candid..........
I think I would have to explain to both of them (and under the circumstances separately I take it) that I still think the world of them both and because of that do not want to get involved in the divorce or outcome but wish to remain good friends with both. Neither should expect you to take sides. That's asking alot and isn't fair to you. People want others to do that in these situations but it's because they need to feel validated that they are more of a victim than their counterpart and that the other half is more at fault for the failure in their relationship than they. This approach may initially piss one or both of them off, but if they value your friendship as you value theirs, they'll get over it and "come around". Been thru this with friends and learned the hard way, trying to make both of them happy at the same time. It's a lose-lose situation and they both end up hating you afterward.
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| October 21, 2006, 18:54 |
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Re: Re: Smile, your on candid..........
QUOTE (Tungmeister @ October 21, 2006, 18:54)I think I would have to explain to both of them (and under the circumstances separately I take it) that I still think the world of them both and because of that do not want to get involved in the divorce or outcome but wish to remain good friends with both. Neither should expect you to take sides. That's asking alot and isn't fair to you. People want others to do that in these situations but it's because they need to feel validated that they are more of a victim than their counterpart and that the other half is more at fault for the failure in their relationship than they. This approach may initially piss one or both of them off, but if they value your friendship as you value theirs, they'll get over it and "come around". Been thru this with friends and learned the hard way, trying to make both of them happy at the same time. It's a lose-lose situation and they both end up hating you afterward.
These two were our skiing companions, our vacation companions, our bestest friends. Now we got sh*t!!!
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| October 21, 2006, 19:08 |
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Re: Smile, your on candid..........
You obviously have a great deal of feelings for these two ppl...One word of advice... From expierience...Yep...!!! that's all you need to say to either one of them... non-commital as hell , and no-one can ever come back on you and say.. YOU TOLD ME TO DO THIS OR THAT..!!! 
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| October 21, 2006, 19:19 |
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Tungmeister
69 / male
Miller Beach, Indiana, US
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Re: Smile, your on candid..........
I understand that as well as I can only because I've had similar experiences with friends and never saw it coming either. But good god, were only middle-age now and there are many good couples out there that would enjoy the same experiences and company of you and yours. It means a lot to you but there's nothing you can do about it. You tried that. You can't take responsibility for their problems any more than you can fix them. You can't fix it and they don't seem to want to. It sucks bigtime, but it appears that they're going to have to get through this and move on and you HAVE to do the same as well. From everything you've said, it's more THEIR loss actually than yours, losing what they had with you and your wife. Don't get an ulcer over it. That's the way it is unfortunately and you have to absolutely refuse to let it eat away at you.
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| October 21, 2006, 19:35 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: Smile, your on candid..........
I realize they are your friends, but think of this. If you look at them, you have just gotten involved, put in the middle, so to speak. The time will come when one or the other or both will expect you to choose sides. Myself, I would tell him that I love you both, & do not want in the middle. Not my business.
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| October 21, 2006, 23:18 |
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Re: Smile, your on candid..........
Yep...this divorce is not yours to deal with..it's between them and you know dam well what will come of it if you get tangled up in thier mess...
Since you do seem to be a closer friend to her, than him(?)
and you do feel a strong need to know the truth...just ask her....if she really is a true and best friend, she'll tell ya...but you know any info you recieve from either party can't be shared with ANYONE...or you'll end up being the target of their bitter silliness...
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| October 23, 2006, 08:03 |
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