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bawbie
63 / female
mesa, Arizona, US
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just one of the guys
what do you do if your daughter is just "one of the guys"?
when she was 10 it was ok, but now she is 14 (and a knock out,if i have to say it myself-and i will)
today she and her friends decided to go to the movies. 5 boys and her. the same kids she's been friends with for years. she's even beaten the crap out of one or two.
so i had her older brother go with them. a better qualified pain in the ass i don't know.
am i being unreasonable? she seems to think so.
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| August 13, 2004, 17:49 |
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Re: just one of the guys
My children aren't that old and I have no girls so I can't say for sure what I would do but I don't think your being at all unreasonable. Sex is everywhere and it affects us at a younger age now than before. So in my opinion your just being cautious.
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| August 13, 2004, 18:21 |
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Re: just one of the guys
QUOTE (bawbie @ August 13, 2004, 17:49) what do you do if your daughter is just "one of the guys"?
when she was 10 it was ok, but now she is 14 (and a knock out,if i have to say it myself-and i will)
today she and her friends decided to go to the movies. 5 boys and her. the same kids she's been friends with for years. she's even beaten the crap out of one or two.
so i had her older brother go with them. a better qualified pain in the ass i don't know.
am i being unreasonable? she seems to think so.
Thats a hard place to be Bawbie. It's been my experiance that you can't live their lives for them and sometimes being over protective pushes them further away. She seem to be able to take care of herself, so I guess it comes down to how much you trust her to make good decisions.
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| August 13, 2004, 18:23 |
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Re: just one of the guys
Such a good debate issue. I was thinking about this after I posted. I was really good friends with a guy. We spent the night together at his house(not in the same bed) and hung out alot. I trusted him completely. Then one night I turned on t.v. and saw that he beat someone to death and was wanted for murder. Just because you know someone doesn't mean you really know them.
Sometimes its not about letting them make they're own decisions as its about keeping them out of a situation where they're forced to make them.
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| August 13, 2004, 18:41 |
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Re: just one of the guys
childless woman speaking here, for what it's worth..brother tag along, cool. Mom tag along, OMG! not cool. You made a good decision already.
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| August 13, 2004, 18:45 |
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Re: Re: just one of the guys
QUOTE (Chazzy @ August 13, 2004, 18:45)childless woman speaking here, for what it's worth..brother tag along, cool. Mom tag along, OMG! not cool. You made a good decision already.
Both of your point are really good. 14 is a tough age. Big brothers are the best line of defence for sure!
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| August 13, 2004, 18:58 |
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Re: just one of the guys
sorry, I am just bumping another post to the second page where I hope it dies.
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| August 13, 2004, 20:19 |
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Re: just one of the guys
It's just my guess, but I would bet that Bawbie is one excellent and very cool mother !
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| August 15, 2004, 03:25 |
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bawbie
63 / female
mesa, Arizona, US
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Re: just one of the guys
i don't know how good a mom i am. but i always encouraged them to do what is right, no matter what anyone else thinks. and to be who they are, not follow the crowd. and allow them to try different things.
but i do know, that they were the only kids who went to the air&space museum, the icbm museum (in tuscon) and roswell, new mexico for vacation last year. we don't usually go to the regular places. once we stumbled across an archeology dig, and ended up playing in the dirt for 2 days.
i have come to the conclusion that one of two things is going to happen soon-
1) one of these boys is going to think "melissa is a girl!" and ask her out. and the other boys are going to be over-protective of her.
2) some other boy is going to ask her out and her friends are going to be over-protective of her.
she still will not be allowed on a "just the two of them" date until she is 16. family tradition.
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| August 17, 2004, 16:41 |
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Tease
47 / female
small town, Minnesota, US
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Re: just one of the guys
I have 2 children one being a boy the other a girl. ANd I would have to say that I would do the same thing! My daughter is also alot younger then yours...But now I know what I have to look forward to. Just remember not to be too over protective because then she will want to do exactly what it is your not wanting...I had all male friends growing up...And still do. Not a big fan of most women. And so they may want something but I dont look at them other then "friends" and I couldnt do anything with them! So hopefully if your daughter ever gets put in that position she will stop whoever in his tracks! Now I just babbeled about nothing again! Take away my pills! 
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| August 17, 2004, 16:56 |
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backfromaustintx
66 / male
Burlington, Ontario, Canada
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Re: just one of the guys
My youngest daughter, Gillian, is 12 and she has always been one of the guys. She is able to keep up with the boys, and so far they love her for it. She has no problem making friends, both male and female.
Because of this I worry less about her than about her more 'girly' older sister. I know that Gillian won't do something unless she wants to and can't be manipulated into unhealthy behaviours simply because she may fear disappointing a boy or being unpopular. It just ain't gonna happen.
I guess I think there are two elements that when present, will innoculate kids from most of the serious hazards of adolecence. A kid that has a strong sense of self (like Gillian) and a sense of self worth (they like and care about themselves) is much less likely to engage in risky behaviours.
You cannot prevent your kids from experimenting with drugs or sex if they are so inclined. You can make sure they have enough information and other tools to keep them safe. That includes information about condoms and access to them, as well as 'no questions asked' 'come and get me' phone call support.
A kid that cares about themselves will feel panic about being pressured about doing something they don't want to, and a strong kid will stand up for themselves.
I'm more concerned about Natalie, who is almost 15, and is emotional, brooding, hates herself, and has never been overly successful socially. She has a boyfriend, and I'm sure there has been pressure to have sex . As well, she really doesn't want to hear anything from adults. A dangerous combination!
What would I do? If I think a kid cares about themselves and is able to stand up for themselves, then I would make sure support is there in full. If not, then chaperones and controlled situations are in order.
Just my 2 pennies.
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| August 17, 2004, 18:36 |
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Re: Re: just one of the guys
QUOTE (bawbie @ August 17, 2004, 16:41) ....she still will not be allowed on a "just the two of them" date until she is 16. family tradition.
make that 18 or 20...I was married with a mortage before I was 16.......I want and hope for so much
more for her!!
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| August 17, 2004, 21:30 |
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Tease
47 / female
small town, Minnesota, US
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Re: just one of the guys
I ahd my first child at 17..I hope my daughter can make more for herself then I did...Shes being fitted for a chasity belt next week...and shes only 7..But Also I ran into someone recently who told me her 11 yr old grand daughter was pregnant! and had been having sex since she was 8!
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| August 17, 2004, 22:17 |
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bawbie
63 / female
mesa, Arizona, US
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Re: just one of the guys
as long as her brother is with her, she'll be fine. brother can drive-so he is in great demand. as is my car.
i guess i'll just have to take it as it comes.
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| August 18, 2004, 08:30 |
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