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Trying to become friends the hard way
Has this ever happened to you? I did me and I still have not gotten over it.
You have become friends with someone who does not like you as much as you like them.
In life it seems to work out better if everything is on more of an even keel much like a balanced scale. Otherwise the end result is always one doing all the giving and the other all the receiving.
The more loving person is always trying to win the affection and approval of the other and winds up taking the back seat throughout the whole relationship. But you hardly realize it because you are so infatuated or in love that you do not take time to reason the pros and cons of your own dilema.
At some point in time you finally realize that you only get phone calls from the lesser concerned person when they want something, or just enough contact to keep you thriving your persuit to them and there needs. You wind up, so to speak, as making yourself their personal slave trying to please the every wish.
You hardly ever if at all get invited to any of there family functions to have fun with them, parties, zoo, vacation, etc. But you will always be invited to go shopping, out for breakfast or lunch where there is a good chance that you will pick up the tab.
In lots of cases they are still close friends with ex-lovers who are also eager to do favors for them.
If they are in sales you are surely invited to their sales conventions and marketing ventures, them hoping, that you will invest in their line of sales products and of course you do because you are so diligenty trying to win there friendship , and when it is over you say to yourself, God! how could I have been so blind?
The sad part about the whole ordeal is that in 80% of the cases the lesser concerned does not actually think they are wronging you, they were raised like that and it has become a way of life for them.
So be ware when choosing someone you think you like, take it slow, let the friendship evolve from both sides, and always take time out to console with your inner thoughts and your other true freinds to see if you are really doing the right thing both parties concerned. Hothands, 
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| September 1, 2006, 19:52 |
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Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
HH.
I get what youre saying. A friend of mine and I are going through something such as, in a way. Although on my part, I never was good at being friends with guys before because I never knew how to go about it without feeling or expecting something more could/would happen. In situations like that I've come to find out I think too much on simple things that could be. I may have freaked him out as well as myself. I always thought I had to know what was going to happen shortly after we become acquaintances (such as do I see a future with him). Rather than getting to know a guy on a friendship level and not think that far ahead. I let my wall get higher and higher between myself and guys.
I've come to terms as of today, that I appreciate the friendship that I do have with this special one and want it to be that way for a long time as it's rewarding to both of us. 
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| September 1, 2006, 20:58 |
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KINKYINTHEFALLS
56 / male
wild and wonderful, West Virginia, US
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Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
I think you hit the nail right on the head there HH. I have found myself in this exact position a couple of times with out even realizing it for a while. It's hard to distinguish sometimes when it's actually happening to you. We all just have to remember to learn from our own experiences I suppose. 
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| September 1, 2006, 21:07 |
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Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
I guess when your younger your natural companionship mechanism kicks in an you always think of the future and trying to find a mate, which could also happen at any age. I think that what ever happens or you think might happen as the friendship gets stronger should not be pondered on to strongly try not to be too moral, you will miss much that life has to offer. And so let the friendship matured to the fullest extent, if it does not work or last at least you gave to each other a part of your heart and mind which will last forever instead of just separating on uneven terms
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| September 1, 2006, 21:23 |
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Re: Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
QUOTE (KINKYINTHEFALLS @ September 1, 2006, 21:07)I think you hit the nail right on the head there HH. I have found myself in this exact position a couple of times with out even realizing it for a while. It's hard to distinguish sometimes when it's actually happening to you. We all just have to remember to learn from our own experiences I suppose.
It is just unfortunate that it hurts so bad after it happens, like chazzy says we will have to use webnaughty as our walgreems to help get over broken hearts and other situations 
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| September 1, 2006, 21:27 |
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azcapt
79 / male
phoenix, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
QUOTE (hothands @ September 1, 2006, 21:23)I guess when your younger your natural companionship mechanism kicks in an you always think of the future and trying to find a mate, which could also happen at any age. I think that what ever happens or you think might happen as the friendship gets stronger should not be pondered on to strongly try not to be too moral, you will miss much that life has to offer. And so let the friendship matured to the fullest extent, if it does not work or last at least you gave to each other a part of your heart and mind which will last forever instead of just separating on uneven terms
Thank you HH. I am going through that emotional wave myself and your comments on it have opened up a new way for me to look at it. As we are very much friends and will do anything for each other at anytime needed day or night,
I unfortunatelly feel that she would rather remain friends than go the serious route at this time-anyway. But I would rather be a true friend to her thn lose her by getting stupid over trivial stuff.
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| September 1, 2006, 21:34 |
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Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
Thank you HH. I am going through that emotional wave myself and your comments on it have opened up a new way for me to look at it. As we are very much friends and will do anything for each other at anytime needed day or night,
I unfortunatelly feel that she would rather remain friends than go the serious route at this time-anyway. But I would rather be a true friend to her thn lose her by getting stupid over trivial stuff
I do not know for sure but am guessing she is younger than you? which would put us both in the same Boat. Anyway I know what you mean about not wanting to loose her friedship, better to be a little dissatisfied than to be alone.
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| September 1, 2006, 21:51 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
I really needed that!......You took the words straight from my heart right out of my mouth!
This life lesson that you refer to unfortunately is something we tend to get to late in life.....I'm Going through something insanely similar to as you describe......I have been lucky to be blessed with a best friend for the past two years that has taught me all of those lessons in life if not more......I guess I was just ready to truly listen, and learn from it as apposed to letting it go in one ear and out the other........And believe me, I have learned to NEVER take advantage of life!.....Live it day by day and enjoy it like it were your last........
I have been in a horrible marriage for the past 13 years, and I am ready to go my own way for the sake of my children and my own happiness.......Im young enough to still be able to start over, and I have also learned when you meet that person that will never make you feel as you stated above, not to mention, just the opposite........You will know it in your heart.....There is never a reason to settle!.......True love, in which most people never really find, is an incredible feeling, and just like you cant ignore the feeling of an orgasm, you will never be able to ignore that feeling of true love, and you shouldn't have to search for it, yet it should come naturally!....and NEVER be a one way street!....No relationship will withstand a lifetime, when only one person feels the love!.......I can speak from experience that true love really conquers all!.....I have been blessed with children and most of all my independence!........I will never allow myself to live in a situation that I know in my heart is just not right for anyone involved!
There are way too many issues in this world today, and when you really think about it.....Life is too short!........Take advantage of what it has to offer!
Now all of you out there who have decided to continue to read this........Listening and trust are the key for a successful relationship.....Always listen to your heart, and NEVER, ASSUME!.......Always ask if you have any doubt!.....Makes for less miss communication problems and more time getting to really know who they are!.....And as much as none of you truly want to hear this, but the minute you know that the person your with does not have the same goals as you, nor do they value the things you do, yet they are great in bed, handsome, fun at times, or just give you that feeling of security because its just what your used to.....Or you think you can't handle change well...........I can say this, you will either be the same as you are now in 10 years, if not even more miserable, or you can find that person who is going to value you for you!.......I have had sex with my husband for years, and yet I can have sex with the person I truly love, and all I can say is that there is a huge difference between the beginning feeling when you just cant take your hands off each other, and that feeling of true passion when your together, that passion you know in your heart will last forever!......To make love to some one you truly love with all your heart is indescribable.......I can only hope that all of you out there get the chance to find that!......I believe that most of you have the perfect start, because you have truly taken the time to get to know the people here.....And No One makes for a better lover than your best friend!
I'm sorry I have really went on the deep end, but what Hothands said just makes perfect sense, and living the extreme I have lived, I feel very passionate about everything I have just mentioned......
There are many couples on webnaughty that have that relationship....And if you can't see it just by the way they speak about each other.....Your just not paying attention.....And my assumption would be you will have to learn the hard way, and you will be one of them saying ....."Why did I have to learn that lesson too late in life?"
Take the time to see how Pepper is with warren, and Funlovingpair aka MA, & PA.....Those are perfect examples of relationships that will last a lifetime, not to mention packed with adventure, love, and passion, but most of all, respect for each other!.....I can only hope that I have found the same thing they have.......And I will always somehow appreciate all I have learned about relationships from my best friend and the people here!....
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| September 1, 2006, 22:22 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
One more thing......There is nothing wrong with telling the person you love how much you appreciate them every day!......Think about how good it would make you feel to hear,
"Thank you honey for putting a smile on my face everyday, and for all that you do for us......You are truly appreciated!" 
I know how it would make me feel!..... 
As you can tell, I have never written this much or in such a heartfelt way.........I just believe that there are more people like me out there who feel trapped and feel there is no option.....And I know if they got to see the other side in all of this......You would know exactly what Hothand and I are talking about!.....
If anyone ever needs a hand in dealing with a situation like mine, please just send me a PM.....I will be more than happy to help you in any way I can.......Its only fair to pass along the tricks when someone took the time to give that gift to me!....However only those who are willing to change and truly listen to what is written are the ones that will benefit from this!......Just like anything in life, you must be aware and acknowledge the problem before you can ever think to fix it!
Leave what you don't want hear, and take advantage of what you feel is worth learning!
You can't be happy with someone else, unless you are happy with yourself!
I know I know....Shut up already nykitten!  ......I had to do it in two pages...talked too much for just one!....
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| September 1, 2006, 22:22 |
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KINKYINTHEFALLS
56 / male
wild and wonderful, West Virginia, US
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Re: Trying to become friends the hard way
Kitten I don't think you talk to much. Whether we realize it or not at any time someone could definitely use the advices and experiences of these forums. A lot of people myself included don't always talk about what's bothering them or what they're going through but do get a lot from the experiences of others. So in my opinion there can never be enough of these posts on here. This is just my humble opinion but I hope everyone takes notice and contributes what they can as you never know, you could just be posting the thing that someone needs. So I'd like to send a big thank you to everyone here. 
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| September 2, 2006, 10:10 |
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