Found this little story on one of my favorite humor sites this morning...

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I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of dogfood for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Dogfood Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no... I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the
door.

I now know what to say when posed with that question. Priceless, Chaz!!!!!!! lmao!