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How honest can you be?
When you start seeing someone, or dating someone....how much of the "real you" do they see? Is it just human nature that cannot be denied that makes us behave like a totally different person during a courtship phase, or is it a conscience mind and heart game we play?
Should we play up only what is positive and give the best first impression we can?
Can we honestly just be comfortable being ourselves openly, all our bad habits and negative characteristics and figure if they don't like us or accept us, then it's better to know early on, or is a puffed up "mating dance and ritual" just a part of us being nothing more than animals down deep?
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| June 6, 2006, 07:30 |
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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: How honest can you be?
I tell people right up front they are meeting the real me. From my name to everything about me, I am as real as they are. I always figure the adage "start as you mean to go on" is the best way to go.
  
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| June 6, 2006, 07:57 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: How honest can you be?
I'm with Pepper. When you meet me, your meeting "me". Nothing more and nothing less. I'm not going to tell you my life story. I'm not out for glory and I don't want to be the center of attention. But you will get the real deal.
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| June 6, 2006, 13:04 |
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Re: Re: How honest can you be?
QUOTE (pepper @ June 6, 2006, 07:57)
Actually, I am not a good looking individual and as such, I have to behave in such a manor that may seem bit phony to some. I am always curious about that person and sometimes I may seem to ask too much infomation. I like to know as much as I can about that person, male or female, so we can carry on a conversation with as much in common as possible.
I love to hear a woman tell me what she thinks about stuff, be it observaions of the people around us or whatever. Most times, we see the same things in the same way. Mature people are very similar in opinions due to life experiences in general.
Do I cover up my less than stellar traits? Yes, I refrain from farting out loud, until I get to know the person real well. lol
With me, what you see is generally what you get, right out of the box. 
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| June 6, 2006, 13:14 |
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tomboy6978
46 / male
Florissant, Missouri, US
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Re: How honest can you be?
i always make sure i bring the real deal thats partly why i ask lots of questions early on so it helps me get to know the girl better; another reason is if it works out i want to be love for who i am and not who i am not which tends to get over looked for some reason and partly due to my shyness in my early teenage years which i gotton over
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| June 6, 2006, 14:36 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
Im always very shy and guiet meeting new people it takes me a while to warm up and let the person get to know me, but then it depends on how much the person makes you feel comfy!
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| June 6, 2006, 14:48 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
This close friend of mine, I think, has gotten me to be myself more than anyone else I've been around. For instance, I always thought everytime I'd see them, I'd have to be dressed up nice, etc and this one tells me to dress like I would normally. Also, he's seen how messy my place can get.
Not at the the top of the list, but just a couple things I worry about with anyone around.
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| June 6, 2006, 19:18 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
I am upfront and open when meeting someone.
The mating /dating ritual sounds fun though. 
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| June 6, 2006, 21:06 |
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NRG4U
63 / male
Beaver City, Nebraska, US
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Re: How honest can you be?
I think I'm pretty upfront, maybe too upfront. I've been described as "outspoken, & brutally honest. Maybe diplomacy isn't my strong point. But when someone ask me a question, they want an honest answer don't they?? I mean if a overweight girl ask "Do these pants make my ass look fat?" The best I could sugarcoat that would be something like "No , those pants are very deceiving"  
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| June 6, 2006, 23:01 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
Im totally honest, cuz you can see when im lying. My face would just sell my thoughts, so yeah... thats my story
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| June 7, 2006, 10:59 |
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AgingMale452
75 / male
Center, Missouri, US
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Re: How honest can you be?
When you mention the "dating ritual", that's different from just meeting someone. Albeit, I haven't "dated" in more than 30 years. The anticipation that comes from "I'll pick you up at 7" gives you a lot of time to think about the impression you want to make. I travel extensively and an hour or more plane ride, a 10 floor elevator ride in a hotel, dinner at the bar in a crowded restaurant (because you're alone and don't want to take up a whole table) lets you meet "unprepared" people that are spontaneous, real and have their heart on their sleeves. I'm sure it's easy to come up with a facade even then, but more real than it is on a date. I've met some people in such instances that it was hard to forget about even though it may have only been a few minutes of conversation. There's a great story by (Glenway Scott?) called "The Pilgrim Hawk" and the author describes those moments when Americans travelling in Europe reveal so much in anonymity for a brief while because the moment is fleeting and won't happen again. Recently, I laughed and pointed at someone picking their nose at an intersection. I was in a rental car thousands of miles from home with a client and he said "but he'll never see you again". Isn't that what we're doing here? No, not picking our noses, but does our anonymity make us honest, visceral and real or let us don a mask?
To answer your question, I don't like masks (go ahead and take a poke at the fact that you have a picture and I don't---give me time), but we're more than real, here we can shout our deepest thoughts "into the void" and hope for some insight.
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| June 7, 2006, 13:20 |
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azcapt
79 / male
phoenix, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: How honest can you be?
QUOTE (2wildnkrazy @ June 6, 2006, 14:48)Im always very shy and guiet meeting new people it takes me a while to warm up and let the person get to know me, but then it depends on how much the person makes you feel comfy!
I have to agree with you. I am from the old school--very quiet at 1st just 2 c if I belong where I am and if I am comfortable in the surroundings then I can warm up and let people know the real me. If I am not comfortable I usually just slip into the crowd and dissapear and let everyone else enjoy their evening.
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| June 7, 2006, 14:21 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How honest can you be?
Completely honest! Skeletons in the closet are no good! Especially if you want to earn the trust of the other person. And when I meet that other person, I'll definitely be myself.... no make up, no put ons... it becomes an endless cycle to where you have to put on that same "front" over and over again every time you see each other..... It's just not right!
Then again, I'm married and I'm here, so what the hell do I know  
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| June 7, 2006, 14:40 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
But still, when we meet someone don't we all try to be nice, look nice, behave nicely so that the other person will get a good impression? I really don't think that we show our true self in the beginning and we do that unintentionally, it's in our nature to be social.
I usually try to be myself, and that really depends on the moment and the person I'm with. I can't let myself go if I don't feel comfortable. This is perhaps another aspect of this thread, and coming to think about it perhaps I should start a new topic rather than being off topic 
I swear... there was something in those donuts...
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| June 8, 2006, 02:39 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
I put everything out on Front street... That's why I did'nt use some crazy name when I became a member... You want to meet me.. well here I am... lol... crazy as hell and just looking to have a great time .. love life, it may end tommorow... !!!! BOB.. !!!!   
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| June 8, 2006, 04:01 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
I really have to agree with PeterPan, I honestly think our behaviour changes when we are dating and courting in ways we really can't control. I really tend to beleive that there is a biology of it all that makes us far more tolerant and accepting of someone's characteristics that may later annoy the fuck out of us once the chemistry and newness simmers down, and makes us quell our negatives and pronounce our positives enough that anyone can appear to be a totally different person later on when as a relationship progresses.
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| June 8, 2006, 08:01 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
QUOTE (Chazzy @ June 6, 2006, 07:30)When you start seeing someone, or dating someone....how much of the "real you" do they see? Is it just human nature that cannot be denied that makes us behave like a totally different person during a courtship phase, or is it a conscience mind and heart game we play?
Should we play up only what is positive and give the best first impression we can?
Can we honestly just be comfortable being ourselves openly, all our bad habits and negative characteristics and figure if they don't like us or accept us, then it's better to know early on, or is a puffed up "mating dance and ritual" just a part of us being nothing more than animals down deep?
Hi
I try to be honest,but sometimes we don't know are selves well enough to be honest.but i try!
stayhard43756 
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| June 8, 2006, 08:13 |
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Re: Re: How honest can you be?
QUOTE (Chazzy @ June 8, 2006, 08:01)I really have to agree with PeterPan, I honestly think our behaviour changes when we are dating and courting in ways we really can't control. I really tend to beleive that there is a biology of it all that makes us far more tolerant and accepting of someone's characteristics that may later annoy the fuck out of us once the chemistry and newness simmers down, and makes us quell our negatives and pronounce our positives enough that anyone can appear to be a totally different person later on when as a relationship progresses.
Y'all are partially right. When we first meet someone, when you are completely honest, you are being yourself! It's just one aspect of you! It's the polite aspect that comes out first. If you don't get along with that person, if they're a jerk, or the chemistry just isn't there, you tell 'em it's just not gonna work out and move on.
But of course the whole you isn't gonna come out during the first meeting. There's no way in hell I'd fart at the dinner table on a first date! Second, maybe
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| June 8, 2006, 08:18 |
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Re: Re: Re: How honest can you be?
QUOTE (MoonHowler @ June 8, 2006, 08:18)
Correct, you do that when you truly love someone 
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| June 8, 2006, 08:30 |
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oneintx
67 / male
central, Texas, US
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Re: How honest can you be?
Dating is such a tricky thing.I know that if the one i'm with is quiet and calm,then that part of me shows itself more.If thay are really chatty,then my listening part comes out.If they are wild and fun loving then ....wooohooo...I tend to be more that way...deep and philosophical?,I can relate to that also.Is it not being upfront when that happens?...Not in my eyes...It's more of adapting to the surroundings and the person.I'd probably fart on the first date with moon now!!!! lmaoooo
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| June 8, 2006, 09:28 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: How honest can you be?
QUOTE (oneintx @ June 8, 2006, 09:28)Dating is such a tricky thing.I know that if the one i'm with is quiet and calm,then that part of me shows itself more.If thay are really chatty,then my listening part comes out.If they are wild and fun loving then ....wooohooo...I tend to be more that way...deep and philosophical?,I can relate to that also.Is it not being upfront when that happens?...Not in my eyes...It's more of adapting to the surroundings and the person.I'd probably fart on the first date with moon now!!!! lmaoooo
 
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| June 8, 2006, 10:10 |
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alwayshardhorny
59 / male
skowhegan, Maine, US
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Re: How honest can you be?
I let tehm see the real me if they don't like me for me no reason to go on
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| June 8, 2006, 10:27 |
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Re: How honest can you be?
Just wanted to add to chazzy's and Peter's comment too.. sometimes people don't even realize they may be doing something unless another tells them. You know, some people, on first meetings or what nots, may not realize they're not "being themselves" and sometimes it takes an outsider to say hey, that is so not you (in some cases it doesn't take long for people to get a grasp on what you're like). Then they may or may not snap out of it.
I'll admit I'm like that sometimes and am glad (more than glad) that I've got people telling me whatever it may be. I try to do the same for others.
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| June 8, 2006, 19:10 |
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