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MESSAGE |
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sweet2u
72 / male
Trenton, New Jersey, US
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Sexless Marriage
If your marriage lacks intimacy , and you were tired of hearing "maybe tomorrow...(which never comes), and bailing out was not an option, would you still be judge-mental of anothers actions? 
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| May 31, 2006, 19:37 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
I am always the odd man out here on this question, however, I say, do what you need to do, as long as you can do it without hurting anyone!.... 
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| May 31, 2006, 19:42 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
The way I see marriage, intimacy is always going to happen. But that's just me. So whoever is the poor bastard for ending up with someone such as myself... is gonna die a happy man.. LOL  
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| May 31, 2006, 21:45 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Re: Sexless Marriage
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ May 31, 2006, 21:45)The way I see marriage, intimacy is always going to happen. But that's just me. So whoever is the poor bastard for ending up with someone such as myself... is gonna die a happy man.. LOL
Where's your pic, how's my eyes going to get their exercise?   I know I'm really bad.
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| May 31, 2006, 22:33 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
my first wife did me that way,I was lucky to get it once a year,I came close to cheating but never did,if I could do it over and know what I know now I would have,I'm not saying to cheat but I would let her know what might happend if she don't help out a little,I was happy as hell when we split up,and we had a frindly divorce so I wish you luck,I was lucky!  see what everyone else says,I'm not good at advice
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| May 31, 2006, 23:11 |
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flatbed
59 / male
elgin, Illinois, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
there is too many questions to ask on this one.
seeking professional help might find out the problem.
has she gone thru the change of life?
is she on any medicine? side affects?
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| June 1, 2006, 05:34 |
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sweet2u
72 / male
Trenton, New Jersey, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
To All....Thanks gor sensible advice. Someone mentioned change of life and meds to assist...Sex and intimacy are the "furthest" from her mind....I cant blame nature for taking its course, but now what??
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| June 1, 2006, 07:16 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Sexless Marriage
QUOTE (flatbed @ June 1, 2006, 05:34)there is too many questions to ask on this one.
seeking professional help might find out the problem.
has she gone thru the change of life?
is she on any medicine? side affects?
So many things can affect a sex drive including those flatbed mentioned as well as problems in the marraige, relationship and home.
As I said before in another thread, changes in the sex drive and sex life are usually not the problem, but the sypmtoms of a problem(s). Infidelity will only fix one partner's problem in a marraige, but won't fix THE problem, and since marraige is a serious lifetime commitment, and should have a strong foundation of trust, infidilety doesn't fit, unless all other resourse and avenues to find and fix the underlying caused and problems are exhausted.
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| June 1, 2006, 07:23 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Sexless Marriage
QUOTE (sweet2u @ June 1, 2006, 07:16)To All....Thanks gor sensible advice. Someone mentioned change of life and meds to assist...Sex and intimacy are the "furthest" from her mind....I cant blame nature for taking its course, but now what??
She needs to see a doctor, they'll most likely do some hormone level testing. Both men and women carry a "balance" of estrogen and testosterone and when a woman's sex drive takes a dive, many times it's simply due to a dip in her testosterone level.
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| June 1, 2006, 07:48 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
BTW Sweet2u...ya need any help at all researching and searching the net for help or information about this, just say the word!
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| June 1, 2006, 08:15 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
My opinion, sometimes its just the way you feel about your partner, through years of having to beg for it, that at this point, there is nothing sexy about it....And even if you did get it at this point, I can't imagine it ever being full of passion again!......And I know from experience, that once the passion is gone, for whatever reason, its almost impossible to get it back!...... 
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| June 1, 2006, 08:40 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
I've known couples that have "lost it" and then gotten it back, couples that have had thier marraige or relationship go stagnant or dormant and then re-discovered each other all over again and couples that after finding what is left after the intial honeymoon type of sexual chemistry has worn off is far more fullfilling than what they originally had.
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| June 1, 2006, 10:20 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: Sexless Marriage
QUOTE (Chazzy @ June 1, 2006, 10:20)I've known couples that have "lost it" and then gotten it back, couples that have had thier marraige or relationship go stagnant or dormant and then re-discovered each other all over again and couples that after finding what is left after the intial honeymoon type of sexual chemistry has worn off is far more fullfilling than what they originally had.
I would like to think that if they got it back, then they never really lost it......
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| June 1, 2006, 10:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Sexless Marriage
QUOTE (Chazzy @ June 1, 2006, 10:20)I've known couples that have "lost it" and then gotten it back, couples that have had thier marraige or relationship go stagnant or dormant and then re-discovered each other all over again and couples that after finding what is left after the intial honeymoon type of sexual chemistry has worn off is far more fullfilling than what they originally had.
I agree with Chazzy. Intimacy can be re-kindled, it just takes effort from both parties. And like Chazzy said...the ROOT of the problem needs to be addressed!
Female lev
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| June 1, 2006, 11:07 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
I see that we have one of those "catch 22" things going on here. We actually cannot answer the original question, there's way too many unanswered questions for a logical answer, and I bet that there will not be a single item, but probably several different items that will lead to a reasonable conclusion. None of the responses are incorrect, but they are only a reflection of that person's personal experiences. I think that most of us are drawing assumed conclusions, from very little facts, and also keeping mind that this is one sided. We all must remember that there is always more than one side to every situation.
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| June 2, 2006, 01:13 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Re: Sexless Marriage
QUOTE (funlovingpair @ May 31, 2006, 22:33)
just wanted to take the pic down for awhile. your eyes will get plenty of exercise just by looking at either ma or pa.... you guys are great... i'll have one up sometime in the near future. 
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| June 11, 2006, 12:24 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Sexless Marriage
QUOTE (funlovingpair @ June 2, 2006, 01:13)I see that we have one of those "catch 22" things going on here. We actually cannot answer the original question, there's way too many unanswered questions for a logical answer, and I bet that there will not be a single item, but probably several different items that will lead to a reasonable conclusion. None of the responses are incorrect, but they are only a reflection of that person's personal experiences. I think that most of us are drawing assumed conclusions, from very little facts, and also keeping mind that this is one sided. We all must remember that there is always more than one side to every situation.
Actually, the original question is how judgemental would we be of someone who seeks intimacy outside of their marraige, so flp is so right with saying there is no right or wrong answer.
Being non-judgemental can come easy or it can be hard work, no one really knows what goes on in someone else home, or knows enough about the personal history of those involved to judge shit...but I do usually chose to have my opinion favor the original commitment of marraige and consider "other" options only as the very last resort.
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| June 14, 2006, 10:48 |
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ShyMILFnewbie
63 / female
Westport, Connecticut, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
New poster here - hello all.
I've found that my partner and I trade places as to who is the more lusty 'player' in any given period of time. If I'm in a period of desire, my husband is less interested, and vice versa. I'm currently in a prolonged state of increased lust and as I'm getting frighteningly close to fifty (and who knows how much longer I may be interested or desirable) am actively pursuing alternative lovers, though with no small amount of conflict. I spoke to one of these (potential lovers) about the subject recently and we got onto the issue of power in the marital bed and the extent to which it effects the dynamic between partners, and thus perhaps the inclination or instinct for infidelity. Anyone have any thoughts? (Is this even an active thread?)
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| March 23, 2009, 00:40 |
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longluke10
45 / male
berea, Kentucky, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
sadly i am in that situation now so i cant say anything....i am starting to look around due to her lack of wanting some...it makes no since to me...but i havnt yet and am wandering if i should....but who knows maybe she will break out of it 
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| April 4, 2009, 12:12 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
You're not in an uncommon situation really Luke....lack of sex is not really about sex with couple...lack of sex is usually just a sympton of the real problem or problems.
As long as a couple stays tight, close, intimate, compatable ...they may face the usual increases and decreases of each's sex drive, but will prevail.
It's most common that a couple who is drifting apart or having problems (especially with communicating and trust) that the sex drive becomes a major problem.
So maybe, sex aside...and take a look at the relationship with a new perspective.
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| April 4, 2009, 12:39 |
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longluke10
45 / male
berea, Kentucky, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
wow chazzy your all over the place but yeah i understand what u mean....i do think there r problems and i wont go into them on here but i am a man and i need some action i cant stand the whole not tonioght but tommorrow crap and it never comes....so i am tired of waiting on someone that dont want to wait back....
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| April 4, 2009, 13:08 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
Sometimes I"m all over the place, sometimes I"m not here for days...
How long have you two been together?
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| April 4, 2009, 13:20 |
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longluke10
45 / male
berea, Kentucky, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
we have been together for 5 years...for the first 3 it was a screw fest....she was highly and when i say highly i mean it she wanted it all the time....now she barely wants any at all...i cant handle that i am a total nympho gotta get some at least 3 times a day kind of guy....lol now i am only getting it 1 time a week going crazy here
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| April 4, 2009, 15:52 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
How often have you both been able to just talk about it, talk about compromise?
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| April 4, 2009, 16:26 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
maybe she gettin it somewhere else brother had a woman nice diamond on her finger new car in her hands cell phone plan whole nine yards on the hook for it all ,getting it somewhere else what a chump I was .chazzy you moved to kansas never told old JD .
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| April 4, 2009, 20:07 |
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longluke10
45 / male
berea, Kentucky, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
none chazzy we just dont talk about it..so no common ground to work with in that department....idk about her cheating jdl she isnt the type well she isnt the type now...we got 2 kids and for the most part r happy just no sex need to figure out how to get more sex
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| April 5, 2009, 07:45 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
That's not so unusual for a couple to have some "dry spells"
Even in my home, sex (or any topic of great importance) is difficult to discuss here, the hubs doesn't like those "Let's sit down, discuss and fix it" kinda of things. It's more like I wanna talk it over, he'll walk away and not wanna talk, then days later when he's thought it out to himself, he'll wake me in the middle of a dead sleep and then start talking. That doesn't allways work out well for me. So...we aren't just stuck with a big issue to work out, it's compounded by our seperate comfort levels and timing to talk it over.
It takes allot of work, thought, time and patience to "discuss" anything in my home, and it's kinda one sided.
I'm willing to talk, he's reluctant to....so it seems one sided, a difficult position to be in, I know.
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| April 5, 2009, 11:52 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
Get her onto this site you would be amazed at wot she could learn. After all you turned to it for help
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| November 19, 2009, 00:44 |
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holepluger
62 / male
Stephenville, Texas, US
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Re: Sexless Marriage
go to zoig.com
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| November 21, 2009, 00:43 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Sexless Marriage
Reminder- Zoig is the only site we do allow a full mention of here....cuz the same guys that own and run this site, also own and run zoig.
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| November 21, 2009, 01:47 |
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