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pdinero
39 / male
Columbus, Ohio, US
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taking a step
long drawn out tame story here.
i'm a college student and was on a study abroad trip to another country and met a girl in my group that i was interested in. problem was she was in a long term relationship . we get along great, always make each other laugh, maybe some flirting (?), not sure. Anywho, she breaks up with this guy like 3 months ago, im wondering if that's enough time to make a move or if i should wait a little while. im not sure if shes over it yet, but i'd really like to get some normal one on one time with her, even if its just as friends.
i know, pretty lame and sappy, but i was just wondering
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| May 27, 2006, 02:39 |
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Re: taking a step
Since you got along with her so well, why haven't you haven't tried yet??
What are you waiting for?? 
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| May 27, 2006, 10:11 |
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Re: taking a step
Have you stayed in contact with her before,after and during the break up?
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| May 27, 2006, 11:48 |
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azcapt
79 / male
phoenix, Arizona, US
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Re: taking a step
go for it--the worst she can do is say no--or not right now--its the only way to find out 4 sure---good luck
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| May 27, 2006, 14:59 |
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Re: taking a step
Just do it. If you aren't going after the things you want - all you will ever get is empty memories.
Too soon or not, if you're not in the game she'll move on.
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| May 29, 2006, 14:57 |
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Re: taking a step
I'll agree with all the above. Although, be prepared to hear something like "I always thought of you as a dear friend, as a close soulmate, how DARE you have impure thoughts about me?" 
Just kidding here, go for it, it's the only way to know!
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| May 30, 2006, 03:14 |
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40something
57 / female
In the Sun, Arizona, US
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Re: taking a step
I think they are giving you good advise, break ups are much quicker these days and 3 months is long enough - if you wait too long you might lose your chance
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| May 30, 2006, 03:31 |
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Re: taking a step
Well, do I sense that you already had a kind of "platonic" friendship with her, and you respect and give importance to this friendship , and you don't want to ruin something you already have and enjoy with her, by rushing in? Once you let her know how you feel, it could change things, make things awkward, and you could possibly lose the friendship .
So sure, just do it, jump in...as far as increasing your time and contact with her. From the time spent with her and talking to her, you should be able to recognize how she reacts to your company and be able to assess when to make that move. She should be able to recognize the same with you as well and "see it coming". Can't guarantee that, cuz us women (ahem)can be a bit confusing!
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| May 30, 2006, 11:57 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: taking a step
QUOTE (Chazzy @ May 30, 2006, 11:57)Well, do I sense that you already had a kind of "platonic" friendship with her, and you respect and give importance to this friendship , and you don't want to ruin something you already have and enjoy with her, by rushing in? Once you let her know how you feel, it could change things, make things awkward, and you could possibly lose the friendship .
So sure, just do it, jump in...as far as increasing your time and contact with her. From the time spent with her and talking to her, you should be able to recognize how she reacts to your company and be able to assess when to make that move. She should be able to recognize the same with you as well and "see it coming". Can't guarantee that, cuz us women (ahem)can be a bit confusing!
The thing is that our friend here had feelings for the girl from the beginning so I don't think there's a platonic sense at least from his side. And then... spending more time with her and trying to "see" hidden messages will only be more confusing I think... besides, many times when we like someone we tend to consider every move as a "hint" cause that's what we want to see... uhmmm... I forgot what my point was... 
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| May 31, 2006, 03:22 |
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Re: taking a step
I see that Peter, and can't argue your point. I can't always say what I want to say as clearly as I want to....I'm not really talking about hidden messages, but the clear obvious ones.
Yes he should make a move, but he should also consider the consequences of being rebuffed in that it could change what he has now with her, and if he hasn't had continuous contact with her throughout all of this, it can be awkward for both of them if he makes a "move" out of the blue.
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| May 31, 2006, 07:46 |
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Re: Re: taking a step
QUOTE (Chazzy @ May 31, 2006, 07:46)I see that Peter, and can't argue your point. I can't always say what I want to say as clearly as I want to....I'm not really talking about hidden messages, but the clear obvious ones.
Yes he should make a move, but he should also consider the consequences of being rebuffed in that it could change what he has now with her, and if he hasn't had continuous contact with her throughout all of this, it can be awkward for both of them if he makes a "move" out of the blue.
However, wouldn't you say that in the case where the girl doesn't have a clue about the guy's feelings (VERY unlikely), a move at any point would be seen as "out of the blue" from her point of view?
And also, how difficult must it be for someone who hides his romantic feelings from his "friend"? Is that friendship ? which leads us to the question whether true friendship between opposite sexes exist... hmmmm...
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| May 31, 2006, 07:59 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: taking a step
I don't think there are ever enough "details" to go on when someone posts for advice. He could make his move now, and it could be the best thing that ever happened to him or he could end up being her "rebound" boyfriend for a while, he could be making his move too late and she's already interesed in someone else, or he could be moving too fast and blow his real chance by not being just a little more patient.
I am one of those that after a bad break up, I really don't like any man in a romantic capacity for quite a while, I like to spend that "after break up" cautiously, while other women prefer to go right after that next one!
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| May 31, 2006, 09:29 |
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