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mikee54
73 / male
emporia, Kansas, US
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how to get her motor running
I'm in a bind. My wife cheated on me several times, with several guys, last month. I found out. I don't want to divorse her, trying to convince her to stay, she wants a divorse because she enjoyed the cheating with strangers(lovers were from a dating site she invited to town for sex.) Now, she does not enjoy sex with me. I can spend an hour pleasing her orally, and she doesn't enjoy it. In fact, she tells me to stop and just fuck her, to get it over with. What can I do to rev up her sex drive? She has always had a low sex drive, but now it is non-existent! I'v made some changes already, such as shaving off the beard(she hated it) and losing some weight,(hated my bulge) But what can I do in the sex department? I even bought some LIBERATOR cushions, which she won't use. HELP!
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| May 16, 2006, 14:12 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: how to get her motor running
Ok, Im not sure this is the answer your looking for, but, if she doesn't want to be with you, there is NOTHING you are going to do to change her feelings for you.....Im sorry to say that, but I do believe that once the spark is gone for one, it's almost impossible to get it back.......Not to mention, you have done a few things already.......
Now, if you truly want to try to stay with her, maybe you should consider swinging .....It might add to both of your curiosity, and yet, maybe she will start to see you in a different lite.....You can only hope she will....But it might be worth discussing it with her......
One more option.....To sit down and really talk to her and ask her if there is anything you can do to change how she feels about you......But when you do this, be prepared to respect her answer......regardless of what she says.....
Good luck to you!.....
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| May 16, 2006, 14:22 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: how to get her motor running
I'm certain your problems don't have a thing to do with sex drives and such, the sex issue are a symptom, your marraige is the problem and I hope you both are open to the suggestion of professional counseling of some kind, even if counseling doesn't save your marraige, at least you'll have the insight to maybe ease your mind and selfdoubts as to why things didn't work out.
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| May 16, 2006, 18:39 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: how to get her motor running
I only had a few minutes online to post last nite, Mike...anyway, focus on the problem,(marraige) and not on the symptoms (cheating, sex drives etc...) I think the old saying goes "Stepping on the ants while the elephants come over the wall"
It seems, that (mostly)men tend to focus on the notion that more and/or better sex will fix everything, that a cheating wife is cheating because of sexual needs, and that's not always the case, it can be a need of intimacy , not sex that a cheating spouse is trying to fill, and if you can't understand the difference between intimacy and sex, you really need to work on that.
Sometimes...through no one's fault, things just go bad, don't let it give you doubt about yourself and your ability to be a good partner and husband.
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| May 17, 2006, 10:00 |
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mikee54
73 / male
emporia, Kansas, US
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Re: how to get her motor running
Thanks nykitten and chazzy, both of you have touched on areas that also come into play here. I have focused on sex as a cure all. Because of a back injury, we didn't have sex for 9 months, and she cited it as a reason for her cheating, but not the only reason. But I have concentrated on sex as the cure. I need to move into other areas. Also, in the last week, I began suspecting she was cheating again, and found out she was gone from home from midnite to 4am, leaving the kids unattended, while I was gone truckin. I don't know how to deal with this again. I forgave her last time, and she's been walking all over me since. If she's cheating again, she's just rubbing my nose in her shit. I guess I need to throw her out. Well, thanks for the advice.
Mike
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| May 17, 2006, 23:37 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: how to get her motor running
Okay....now we are talking serious here...and I do mean serious!!! Children first, always....do something now!
If she hasn't enough sense to care for children and will disregard their health and well being by leaving them unattended, then they need you!
They are the only thing that matters and their very lives are jeapordized. Electrical fires, sudden illness, accident, anything could happen.
No child should ever feel anything but safe and loved in their own home.
I'm sorry to say this, because you seem so sincere about loving your wife and wanting to keep the marraige and family intact...but that all flies out the window now, those children cannot depend on her, and you have to step in and take control.
I'll send you a PM, and maybe some others here who have had similiar experiences, or are able to offer some help will also.....
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| May 18, 2006, 05:59 |
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