|
| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Just out of curiosty...
Now, before I ask this question... I don't want any of you at all to think I'm accusing you of going out of your way to cheat on your spouse/lover/best friend, etc. What you do is your business and I know a few of you've got this written permission and stuff which is cool and all. This is just simply a question that I was curious about and from those of you that does this, can you tell me what it is? Here goes:
What is it that makes you see another person (let it be sexually, emotionally, etc whatever the case may be in order for it to be considered cheating)? Is it not enough sex between the 2 lovers, is it not enough communication, is it not enough trust, not enough honesty..???? *I'm talking about the ones where the other half doesnt know about you cheating.. thats what I want to know*
If you could honestly answer this for me, that'd be great. Just something I've been wondering about lately. 
|
| March 31, 2006, 07:19 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Just out of curiosty...
some know my stance on married girls.... but here's my two cents on marriage cheating. (off topic to BC's question but contains my answer to it as well)
the most basic non-denominational vows are something like:
"(Name), do you take (Name) to be your wedded (husband/wife) to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep [him/her] For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to (him/her) so long as you both shall live?"
and with that it's my opinion that "written permission" from a spouse or even tag team play is still cheating.
My opinion on why people cheat... they're too scared to admit failure, or fear of hurting people they still do care for, figure it's better than possibly ending up alone, therefore staying in a fucked up relationship most likely in denial that that is what it is.
this has been a bs psa from your local bcb. now lets get naughty... boom-chicka-bow-bow 
|
| March 31, 2006, 09:27 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: Just out of curiosty...
I think, I know I'm thinking again  , we have to define cheating first. We all know what sexual cheating is, right? Although some say that giving or receiving oral  is not really sex, but let's get real. My opinion is any time that you touch any one in the common area's that is used for sex, ie.. breasts, crotch, nape of the neck, kissing that is anything more than a quick peck, is sexual cheating. But this not say you can't give another a hug or kiss. Now we have to define emotional cheating. Much harder to do. Does this mean any time you even think about someone, or in my case, see another attractive woman , and think she's hot, is this emotional cheating. Do you have to just talk with someone else, and the subject matter doesn't apply to anything sexual, is this cheating? What if you need to talk with someone about work related stuff, as you significant other just doesn't understand what it is that you have to go through each and every day. There are some jobs that you will never understand the trials and tribulations of, unless you are physically working in that enviroment. Is this cheating? So I think the question should be, how do you define cheating and do you actually pratice what you define as cheating? 
Ok I gave you three cents worth. 
|
| March 31, 2006, 10:37 |
|
nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
|
Re: Just out of curiosty...
Well a lot of what BCB said has some truth to it......It's never easy to admit failure....And yet it is also hard to leave what you are "used" to.....I Can definitely say that there is a lack of communication, tons of stress, add kids, house, and no passion left what so ever.....Not a "fun" time!
So my time out of the house, away from all of it, is my time to forget about everything except what I'm about to get.....And that is everything I lack in my marriage......Everything!.....If your going to do it, you might as well do it right!....
|
| March 31, 2006, 21:12 |
|
just4urplsur
58 / male
platte city, Missouri, US
|
Re: Re: Just out of curiosty...
QUOTE (nykitten @ March 31, 2006, 21:12)Well a lot of what BCB said has some truth to it......It's never easy to admit failure....And yet it is also hard to leave what you are "used" to.....I Can definitely say that there is a lack of communication, tons of stress, add kids, house, and no passion left what so ever.....Not a "fun" time!
So my time out of the house, away from all of it, is my time to forget about everything except what I'm about to get.....And that is everything I lack in my marriage......Everything!.....If your going to do it, you might as well do it right!....
Very well put. everyone needs to be happy one way or another
|
| March 31, 2006, 21:26 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Just out of curiosty...
BC~
I don't think you will get just one answer for this one. Each couple has to determine what they consider cheating. Inviting someone else into your bed is a big deal whether the spouse/partner knows about it or not.
My question would be to the guys out there...
Why do most men think that it is not cheating if you have another woman join you and your wife, but you consider it cheating to invite another man to join??? Just curious...
 Jill
|
| March 31, 2006, 21:36 |
|
just4urplsur
58 / male
platte city, Missouri, US
|
Re: Re: Just out of curiosty...
QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ March 31, 2006, 21:36)BC~
I don't think you will get just one answer for this one. Each couple has to determine what they consider cheating. Inviting someone else into your bed is a big deal whether the spouse/partner knows about it or not.
My question would be to the guys out there...
Why do most men think that it is not cheating if you have another woman join you and your wife, but you consider it cheating to invite another man to join??? Just curious...
Jill
that is an easy one Most men are insecure and think that his wife/partner will think the other man is better than him and every man like to think of himself as the best lover his partner has ever had
|
| March 31, 2006, 21:51 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Re: Just out of curiosty...
QUOTE (just4urplsur @ March 31, 2006, 21:51) QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ March 31, 2006, 21:36)BC~
I don't think you will get just one answer for this one. Each couple has to determine what they consider cheating. Inviting someone else into your bed is a big deal whether the spouse/partner knows about it or not.
My question would be to the guys out there...
Why do most men think that it is not cheating if you have another woman join you and your wife, but you consider it cheating to invite another man to join??? Just curious...
Jill
that is an easy one Most men are insecure and think that his wife/partner will think the other man is better than him and every man like to think of himself as the best lover his partner has ever had
same goes to the women on that one.. i've never been in that type of position so i cant really speak for any of them.. but it goes both ways there.
I'm not talking even just marriage.. even two people who aren't married, etc... it goes for anyone i guess... you know, that are in a serious relationship of some sort and one ends up going behind the others back...
|
| March 31, 2006, 22:30 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Just out of curiosty...
BCB, I respect your views very much. I hope you do not lose respect for those of use who may cross such lines. You are right, if someone is cheating (for me that means the other half does not know), the marriage has major problems. In my case, there were things that happened in my life to cause me to believe that no one man could ever love me forever. At some point in time he would walk out on me. So, I chose to protect myself and in a sick way feel "love" (where there was not really any on their part) with people that had problems so that when hubby left I would have someone waiting in the wings that I could "fix". I also, at some point would let hubby know, because he was going to leave anyway so why waste time. Lord, I know I was screwed up. He knew where I came from though and loved me through every minute of it - not that it did not hurt hime. But he stuck with me and made me understand that he would never leave. He is the most awesome man and I have gained so much from him. He has helped me gain freedom from my past and made me confident and showed me that I was worth being loved.   Now that you all think I am a complete psycho . . .
|
| April 1, 2006, 00:10 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: Re: Just out of curiosty...
QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ March 31, 2006, 21:36)BC~
I don't think you will get just one answer for this one. Each couple has to determine what they consider cheating. Inviting someone else into your bed is a big deal whether the spouse/partner knows about it or not.
My question would be to the guys out there...
Why do most men think that it is not cheating if you have another woman join you and your wife, but you consider it cheating to invite another man to join??? Just curious...
Jill
I don't consider it cheating either way, if both parties are in mutual agreement. If not, that is another subject. As far the insecure part, that also goes both ways. Most women are also insecure when it comes to letting a 3rd party into the mix. Women also feel that the man will think the other woman is better, prettier, etc.. and feel that the man will want the other woman more. Men will, especially those of us with little tools, damn I can't find that magnifying glass, feel that the other guy will please their partner better. 
|
| April 1, 2006, 01:06 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Just out of curiosty...
CKTC-
those are my opinions and my lines I've drawn. I dont judge anyone but myself with them. 
|
| April 1, 2006, 10:17 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Just out of curiosty...
|
| April 1, 2006, 13:45 |
|
|
