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what would you think?
This doesn't have anything to do with myself or anyone on here that I know personally(at least that I know of! ha) but just started wondering being some of us may be or may not be in that position, here or there, near or far.
Started my new job just this Monday... and yesterday I had found out from a co-worker (I had already known this co-worker prior to working at my new job location) that one of the girls that I used to work with at my old job is soon to be married and all that stuff.
Here's the thing:
the girl that's soon to be married, etc... has been seeing this guy for a long time.. 6/7 years, something in that time range. The co-worker of mine had informed me that the fiance was/has/is cheating on this girl and still is to this day. The girl has no clue about it and apparently everyone else seems to know (I knew nothing of it until I was told by my co-worker). This girl is like the cutest, littlest, sweetest thing... couldn't even hurt a fly maybe.
Here's my wonderous type of question:
My source's girlfriend or whoever else knows of it and such.. wants to tell this girl what's going on before she marries the guy, and if ever, later finds out he's been cheating on her all this time. (Reason my co-worker asked me was because she didn't know the people as well as I did at my old job-they wanted to know what this girl's name was.. the one to be married). How would you go about doing something like that?? Knowing that this could tear apart this girl that's been in love with a guy for that long? It'd probably be the better way to go, being told prior to getting married and such... but just knowing the information you'd have to tear apart someone's world... would you have enough courage to tell someone that, and how????
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| March 22, 2006, 22:18 |
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Re: what would you think?
thats a tough one? one way to look at is, if it were u, would u want to know? my personal feeling is yes. i would want to know, and would be glad if someone had the courage to tell me. but u probably would want to be very gentile and reassure them that your intentions are pure and caring, because its a very devistating thing to find out,,,,,,not to mention it will probably change her life dramatically,,,,,,,,,,,,,ony my opinion
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| March 22, 2006, 22:39 |
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Re: what would you think?
Its Best she finds out before she makes the mistake of marring the guy.Trust me I know I've had it happen to me except the roles were reversed. She may be upset at first,but be grateful in the end. Just my two bits!
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| March 22, 2006, 22:53 |
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Re: what would you think?
That's what I'm thinking, like the 2 of you guys mentioned. I have nothing to do with the situation, and didn't know the guy was cheating on her until I was informed of it... but if it's true.. I'll never know. Although, too, if I was in her shoes.. I'd want someone to tell me if i was to be getting married and he was doing that to me. Guess I just never been one to be in the position to tell someone and know it will tear them to pieces. 
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| March 22, 2006, 23:06 |
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Re: what would you think?
its sucks being in the situation to help someone this way! but maybe your in a position to save her from alot more grief down the road!!
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| March 22, 2006, 23:09 |
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Re: what would you think?
forgot to add: and hope i never have to be in that kind of position to tell someone such a thing. 
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| March 22, 2006, 23:09 |
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Re: what would you think?
yea, i feel for ya,,,,,,but im pretty sure u will make the right decision,,,,the other thing to remember is she may not believe u,,,,,,,or get angry.......but right is right,,,,but it is still tough!?!?!?!?
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| March 22, 2006, 23:13 |
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Re: what would you think?
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ March 22, 2006, 22:18)This doesn't have anything to do with myself or anyone on here that I know personally(at least that I know of! ha) but just started wondering being some of us may be or may not be in that position, here or there, near or far.
Started my new job just this Monday... and yesterday I had found out from a co-worker (I had already known this co-worker prior to working at my new job location) that one of the girls that I used to work with at my old job is soon to be married and all that stuff.
Here's the thing:
the girl that's soon to be married, etc... has been seeing this guy for a long time.. 6/7 years, something in that time range. The co-worker of mine had informed me that the fiance was/has/is cheating on this girl and still is to this day. The girl has no clue about it and apparently everyone else seems to know (I knew nothing of it until I was told by my co-worker). This girl is like the cutest, littlest, sweetest thing... couldn't even hurt a fly maybe.
Here's my wonderous type of question:
My source's girlfriend or whoever else knows of it and such.. wants to tell this girl what's going on before she marries the guy, and if ever, later finds out he's been cheating on her all this time. (Reason my co-worker asked me was because she didn't know the people as well as I did at my old job-they wanted to know what this girl's name was.. the one to be married). How would you go about doing something like that?? Knowing that this could tear apart this girl that's been in love with a guy for that long? It'd probably be the better way to go, being told prior to getting married and such... but just knowing the information you'd have to tear apart someone's world... would you have enough courage to tell someone that, and how????
you know bc I don't want to give anyone the wrong advice, and I have ben thinking about it a lot... let me think about it some more and I will get back to you on it.. my personal oppion "which I would hate if it would have to be me doing it, ""whitch I am sorry you are in that position," is,, I would tell her and that's just because I don't like the ida of a norther woman being hurt like that. yes the pain is hard and raw but its worse if they are married ,hate each other ,and have kids .. that would crush a lot more lives then just two.. so that's my oppion please take it at that. don't do anything with out (you) feeling right within yourself befor you do anything ...I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow and be happy knowing your friends are right behind you when you need them 
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| March 23, 2006, 01:30 |
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Re: what would you think?
I'd say they should tell... BUT be damn sure it is correct information (as in good proof) and that they arent just acting on gossip.
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| March 23, 2006, 04:37 |
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Re: what would you think?
If she is a close friend , then by all means tell her.. however , I agree with BCB , make damn sure your info. is kosher. !!! 
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| March 23, 2006, 05:11 |
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Re: what would you think?
you better make damn sure your information is right , and be able to prove it ,and then why does nt someone confront this guy first , and ask him whats up , and suggest he own up to what he has done ,and what he wants to do about it ,if he does nt have the good intention ,then as a last resort tell her .
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| March 23, 2006, 05:41 |
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Re: what would you think?
in case i didnt clarify, which i know some of you got it.. but i'm not the one whose going to be telling this chick, because i don't know anything about it (about the guy cheating on her).. it's my co-worker and her gf's and stuff that wants to tell this girl what's the scoop (in which yes, i would hope they've got proof of it in case she does get upset, etc). I was just asked if i knew who the girl was and what her name was.
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| March 23, 2006, 07:33 |
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Re: what would you think?
i just wondered how some people feel about it (being in the situation) to tell someone that their special half is cheating on them. I know if i was ever in that position, even though it's not me, i'd be crushed just knowing what she would have to go through.
THAT was kinda what I wanted to know.. how would you feel about it. 
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| March 23, 2006, 07:41 |
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hardrock1955
69 / male
McGaheysville, Virginia, US
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Re: what would you think?
just by asking , it shows you are a very caring and compassionate person BC. we all need more friends like you . I'm proud to call you a friend.  It shows the caliber of people here on WN .  
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| March 23, 2006, 11:54 |
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Re: what would you think?
Marriage from the old standard is a 1 on 1 propostion that binds the two together. Unless he is willing to relinguish this activity...there can be no union that will last. Another failed relationship will develope eventually. She must know and be willing to confront him!....Then again, I've know many women who willingly know their man is screwing around and still, they stay loyal. Go figure!
Not an easy issue!
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| March 23, 2006, 14:21 |
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Re: what would you think?
I agree that the lady should be told. He knows what he is doing and is making that decision for himself. She should also be as informed to make the decisions that are best for her. Then, once informed, she is able to make a choice as to whether she wants to go ahead with a life long commitment or cut him loose before things get more complicated.
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| March 23, 2006, 16:04 |
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Re: Re: what would you think?
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ March 23, 2006, 07:41)i just wondered how some people feel about it (being in the situation) to tell someone that their special half is cheating on them. I know if i was ever in that position, even though it's not me, i'd be crushed just knowing what she would have to go through.
THAT was kinda what I wanted to know.. how would you feel about it.
in that case... don't tell me. i'm probably happy, let me be happy until it comes out on it's own (if it ever does).
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| March 23, 2006, 18:37 |
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Re: what would you think?
If I had actual proof. I saw it or someone trustworthy saw it, not just some girl saying that she slept with him, unless she knows facts like....he's got a mole on his upper thigh or something, I would tell her. If I knew for sure I'm sure she would want to know but not just from anyone. From someone she trusted and knew well. If you think that the other person can be trusted and isn't just going off of rumors I'd give them her name or help out.
She's gonna be totally crushed and hurt but better now than after she's been with this guy for 10 years and they have 3 kids and bam......he's still doing it.
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| March 24, 2006, 08:42 |
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bignasty
53 / male
Elko, Nevada, US
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Re: what would you think?
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ March 22, 2006, 22:18)This doesn't have anything to do with myself or anyone on here that I know personally(at least that I know of! ha) but just started wondering being some of us may be or may not be in that position, here or there, near or far.
Started my new job just this Monday... and yesterday I had found out from a co-worker (I had already known this co-worker prior to working at my new job location) that one of the girls that I used to work with at my old job is soon to be married and all that stuff.
Here's the thing:
the girl that's soon to be married, etc... has been seeing this guy for a long time.. 6/7 years, something in that time range. The co-worker of mine had informed me that the fiance was/has/is cheating on this girl and still is to this day. The girl has no clue about it and apparently everyone else seems to know (I knew nothing of it until I was told by my co-worker). This girl is like the cutest, littlest, sweetest thing... couldn't even hurt a fly maybe.
Here's my wonderous type of question:
My source's girlfriend or whoever else knows of it and such.. wants to tell this girl what's going on before she marries the guy, and if ever, later finds out he's been cheating on her all this time. (Reason my co-worker asked me was because she didn't know the people as well as I did at my old job-they wanted to know what this girl's name was.. the one to be married). How would you go about doing something like that?? Knowing that this could tear apart this girl that's been in love with a guy for that long? It'd probably be the better way to go, being told prior to getting married and such... but just knowing the information you'd have to tear apart someone's world... would you have enough courage to tell someone that, and how????
I'm sorry to be a hard ass but when he triped the first time and his dick fell in the other pussy he fucked up that relationship...so i would just tell her but that's me
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| March 24, 2006, 08:56 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: what would you think?
Nothing like being between rock and hard place. No matter what you do, you will run the risk of possibly losing a friend. She could be mad at you for knowing and not telling when she does find out, and she will some day, or she will be mad at you for telling her. She may feel that you have some other motive for telling her, and trying to break them up. Either way when she does find out, she will be devastated, after she gets over the initial shock of it. I would not wish this situation on any one. I guess in the end I would also tell her, but gingerly.
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| March 24, 2006, 09:20 |
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hardrock1955
69 / male
McGaheysville, Virginia, US
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Re: what would you think?
my wife was cheating for 2 years after 20 years of marriage, after I figured it out on my own , and she left, customers were coming in saying oh yeah I knew she was cheating, saw her in stores in other towns with him etc, but no one would tell me. I guess I was happy when I didnt know, but it felt even worse knowing all those people knew, but didnt care enough to let me know. If I knew for certain I would have to let them know .
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| March 24, 2006, 16:11 |
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