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User no longer registered.
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How do you?
How do you know which girl is the girl?
what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totaly envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you.....
and one that doesnt quite get you seeing stars or feeling electricity but you just feel comfortable with her, like you've always known her and she just sort of fits....
then one you dont even really know much about but she is like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and has the personality you've been looking for etc.. just generally makes your heart beat fast at the thought of her smile...
how do you know which one to roll the dice on?
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| February 24, 2006, 18:10 |
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hardrock1955
69 / male
McGaheysville, Virginia, US
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Re: How do you?
I certainly dont know all the answers, but beauty fades, you may not always be able to do the deed, I would go for the one that just feels right, the one you can just sit with and chat all night. When you're 80 and rocking on the front porch, conversation may be all you have left. Just my 1 1/2 cents worth   
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| February 24, 2006, 18:17 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
Personally, I would say none of them. You are looking for a combination of all of them in one woman. And you should not give up til you find her. As I told you before, you WILL KNOW! Trust me on that one. If you choose one of the three that you mentioned, you will always be wanting more...there will always be "something" that is missing. And you more than likely won't be truly happy. I hope that you find "the one"!!! Then you can drop me a note and tell me that I am not crazy and that I was right (not that it's easy for a man to say that to a woman  )!
 Jill
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| February 25, 2006, 22:13 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: How do you?
If we knew, we wouldn't need divorce!..... 
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| February 27, 2006, 08:45 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
A. The one you see yourself growing old with is the better choice, especially if she feels the same.
I don't know why people can't talk about this sort of thing, and think the question should be a surprise. Sarah and I spent months together, we talked about others, about ourselves and about what we wanted and finally we decided each was the one that completed the other, and only then we spoke our vows.
Love shouldn't be like throwing darts.
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| February 27, 2006, 13:43 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
Cheers! 
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| February 27, 2006, 13:57 |
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Re: How do you?
KB, you are so wise.
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| February 27, 2006, 17:39 |
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HAPPILYHORNY
54 / couple
ALTOONA, Pennsylvania, US
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Re: How do you?
BCB this is just my opinion, but i think u need to have the emotional as well as physical to make any long term relationship work. i know i know go to OPRAH!
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| February 27, 2006, 21:29 |
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Re: Re: How do you?
QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ February 24, 2006, 18:17)
couldn't have said it any better way HR... been trying to think of what to say to this one.. to help my dear friend bcb and... you said it all. 
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| February 28, 2006, 04:26 |
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HAPPILYHORNY
54 / couple
ALTOONA, Pennsylvania, US
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Re: How do you?
good answer hardrock. u are really deep aren't u.
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| February 28, 2006, 08:32 |
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AGood1
59 / male
Honolulu, Hawaii, US
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Re: How do you?
I think Jill said it best and it goes the same for alot of other things.
You will know, you will just know and you won't even ask nor will you care what anyone else thinks.
When you ask questions like that you are pretty much saying to yourself that those qualities are what you are really searching for in one person, it would be great to have all of those things in one person and at just the right times in your life.
I agree that "the one" is out there, I settled for less more than once thinking that certain good things would compensate for other things that were lacking, but it didn't work, it never worked.
There are good qualities in everyone and it is never wrong to share those with someone that is willing and especially if it is the right time. Being honest and upfront is all too important in keeping things in perspective and keeps you from making long term decisions about a moment in time that was meant to be shared and remembered as a good thing. You only make that one good thing bad when you force trying to duplicate it.
Certain cultures allow men to have many wives for this purpose, each with her own quality. I don't believe that you could be with one of the women you described and live in the same vicinity as the other two without having difficulty. You would always find fault in the one you are with and something better in the other two depending on the moment.
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| March 2, 2006, 09:39 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
That is a toughie and to be honest.....I'm not entirely sure that "the one" is out there at all. I think it may be just a romantic notion that gets us thru the times when we're lonely. "Don't worry. You'll find "the one". Get my drift? I know it sounds bad coming from a married woman . I found my one right? (big sigh)
At one point I thought so. Now do I think so? No. I feel now that I settled for the first man that wasn't nervous or stupid around me. As we get older and change I think our version of "the one" changes. Wouldn't that make it impossible for one single person? How can one single person be everything you've always needed and dreamt of? That's a pretty big order to fill.
I know your suppose to be uplifting and positive and think the opposite way I do but.......that's what I believe. I think its like throwing the dice and hoping not to get hurt too much in the process. You give a little and compromise a little and fantasize about the things you can't have.
Either way I would def. have spent more time having fun and being myself and less time searching for "the one" and trying to not be lonely. I say you go for all three and whichever one you end up with, you end up with.
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| March 2, 2006, 12:45 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ February 24, 2006, 18:10)How do you know which girl is the girl?
what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totaly envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you.....
and one that doesnt quite get you seeing stars or feeling electricity but you just feel comfortable with her, like you've always known her and she just sort of fits....
then one you dont even really know much about but she is like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and has the personality you've been looking for etc.. just generally makes your heart beat fast at the thought of her smile...
how do you know which one to roll the dice on?
Maybe....there's a second part to your question?
"How do you know which girl is THE girl.... and how do you know you are man for her, the man that will love her unconditionally, loyally, the one will give her a lifetime with no regrets, or doubts. The one she can trust that any harm, pain or sadness you may give her will be completely unintentional and forgivable.
I think,possibly that we develop "cycles" with relationships for allot of reasons, maybe the influence by being a part of our parents marital history, and we all have our own fears and insecurities... so many things that can cause us to create cycles of destuctive behavior that we just keep unknowingly repeating...always thinking that it was the other person that wasn't right for us or that it was just incompatibility as a couple, so maybe it's not a matter of finding the "right one", but for me, it was finally being able to recognize the patterns, and breaking the cycles so that I could become "the right one" for someone else. I've come to see in my many mistakes and decisions, that if I do, truly and sincerely love someone, I honestly want them to have the nothing but joy, happiness, and total fulfillment throughout the rest of their lives even it it means that they spend their life with someone other than me.
I can now actually feel something very warm and deep if I can see someone I love with someone else that I know cherishes them, and not have even the slightest twinge of
any ugly pettiness like jealously.
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| March 14, 2006, 07:44 |
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bignasty
53 / male
Elko, Nevada, US
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Re: How do you?
Finding "the one" isn't about meeting someone else, its about a transformation in yourself that allows you to make peace with the differences between you and your partner.
When I met NB, my first thought was about how amazed I was that finally met a woman who I could be really good friends with, they way guys have buddies. We really hit it off. We had the same thoughts, finished each other's sentences, and I felt like I actually had to work to keep up with how sharp she was. She was my friend, first. And she became one of my best friends really quickly. The romantic love came soon after.
Meeting her made me realized how much I was settling for people who didn't understand me and didn't appreciate me.
How did I know that she was "the one?" She made me comfortable and inspired. Partners should love, honor, respect, challenge and enliven one another. That was it, more or less.
She sees the things in me that I had always wished people would notice. In fact, she encourages me to be more of the man that I've always wanted to become.
Both of us grow for and because of each other. Not only is she everything that I thought I wanted, she's many things that I wasn't aware of wanting. I just couldn't imagine anyone who could be better.
We're the same in so many ways that it feels like she's the other half of my self that I've been missing. I can't even begin to describe how amazing it is. I could gush about it endlessly, really.
It's true that it's a certain amount of work. That doesn't mean that you have to fight to truly be in love. The work is too constructive and rewarding to really feel like an effort. It's a joy.
Time apart: So difficult. I really feel at loose ends when she's not around. I'll clean everything and go grocery shopping twice a day just to keep my mind off of it.
I feel so amazingly lucky to have found her and she's so precious to me that I want to get her one of those Kevlar bomb-squad armor suits and a couple body guards. I feel like the odds of finding another person in the entire world as right for me as she is are SO SLIM that I need to overprotect her. I couldn't stand to lose her. That's really how it feels. And I know that's how she feels.
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| March 14, 2006, 15:37 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: How do you?
QUOTE (Chazzy @ March 14, 2006, 07:44) QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ February 24, 2006, 18:10)How do you know which girl is the girl?
what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totaly envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you.....
and one that doesnt quite get you seeing stars or feeling electricity but you just feel comfortable with her, like you've always known her and she just sort of fits....
then one you dont even really know much about but she is like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and has the personality you've been looking for etc.. just generally makes your heart beat fast at the thought of her smile...
how do you know which one to roll the dice on?
Maybe....there's a second part to your question?
"How do you know which girl is THE girl.... and how do you know you are man for her, the man that will love her unconditionally, loyally, the one will give her a lifetime with no regrets, or doubts. The one she can trust that any harm, pain or sadness you may give her will be completely unintentional and forgivable.
I think,possibly that we develop "cycles" with relationships for allot of reasons, maybe the influence by being a part of our parents marital history, and we all have our own fears and insecurities... so many things that can cause us to create cycles of destuctive behavior that we just keep unknowingly repeating...always thinking that it was the other person that wasn't right for us or that it was just incompatibility as a couple, so maybe it's not a matter of finding the "right one", but for me, it was finally being able to recognize the patterns, and breaking the cycles so that I could become "the right one" for someone else. I've come to see in my many mistakes and decisions, that if I do, truly and sincerely love someone, I honestly want them to have the nothing but joy, happiness, and total fulfillment throughout the rest of their lives even it it means that they spend their life with someone other than me.
I can now actually feel something very warm and deep if I can see someone I love with someone else that I know cherishes them, and not have even the slightest twinge of
any ugly pettiness like jealously.
missed you chazzy. you know everything. 
that'd be the "what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totaly envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you"
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| March 14, 2006, 18:40 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ February 24, 2006, 18:10)How do you know which girl is the girl?
what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totally envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you.....
and one that doesn't quite get you seeing stars or feeling electricity but you just feel comfortable with her, like you've always known her and she just sort of fits....
then one you don't even really know much about but she is like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and has the personality you've been looking for etc.. just generally makes your heart beat fast at the thought of her smile...
how do you know which one to roll the dice on?
Bored Country Boy, if she is the only thing you think about during the day, if your thoughts run rabid with and of her presents, if she is in your dreams almost every night (whether you are making love to her, or just talking in your dreams)if your heart stops when you just mention her name, or think of it, or someone else says it, if you can finish or think the same thing, at the same time, if you know when she comes home before she gets there, (without having her tell you) ,if your so untuned with her that you can hear her heart beat with every beat your's , and if she has the same feeling as you and you can communicate that without even speaking a word , if you can wake up in the morning and just "be" in the same room knowing ,feeling, thinking,become and loves, she feels the same for you ,if something is wrong and she is nowhere to be found , but you feel her presents, that she knows what it wrong, letting you know, "your ok" because she she is "there" to make it ok just with a thought of her presents, difference.If you conchaly do the things in your day that you know would make her happy, laugh smile or want and then thinking "oh dam it ....." knowing ,,if you can do this all the time ether she is there or not all day and night she and is the same in her soul ...with you, there.... Then maybe you might have a true loving communication that is wright in your soul your heart your mind ......your being....take hold of it and believe me DON'T LET IT GO!!!! tell her every minute of the day with your words,your thoughts,your actions,your treatment towards her,let her know she is the only one you could ever be with ,want. Have or not. Take a chance, let her know how you feel and never let her think in any different, in any way, shape or form.then after that allow her to do the same in return,let her blossom in you as your love grows give her the chance to do the same thing i tried to relay to you for her ,,listen to her advice and try to understand the depth of witch she is willing to go with you ,,if its where you want to go ....then go to that depth then find out if you /she the both of you want more.
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| March 14, 2006, 19:06 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: How do you?
QUOTE (naughtybutterfly @ March 14, 2006, 19:06) QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ February 24, 2006, 18:10)How do you know which girl is the girl?
what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totally envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you.....
and one that doesn't quite get you seeing stars or feeling electricity but you just feel comfortable with her, like you've always known her and she just sort of fits....
then one you don't even really know much about but she is like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and has the personality you've been looking for etc.. just generally makes your heart beat fast at the thought of her smile...
how do you know which one to roll the dice on?
Bored Country Boy, if she is the only thing you think about during the day, if your thoughts run rabid with and of her presents, if she is in your dreams almost every night (whether you are making love to her, or just talking in your dreams)if your heart stops when you just mention her name, or think of it, or someone else says it, if you can finish or think the same thing, at the same time, if you know when she comes home before she gets there, (without having her tell you) ,if your so untuned with her that you can hear her heart beat with every beat your's , and if she has the same feeling as you and you can communicate that without even speaking a word , if you can wake up in the morning and just "be" in the same room knowing ,feeling, thinking,become and loves, she feels the same for you ,if something is wrong and she is nowhere to be found , but you feel her presents, that she knows what it wrong, letting you know, "your ok" because she she is "there" to make it ok just with a thought of her presents, difference.If you conchaly do the things in your day that you know would make her happy, laugh smile or want and then thinking "oh dam it ....." knowing ,,if you can do this all the time ether she is there or not all day and night she and is the same in her soul ...with you, there.... Then maybe you might have a true loving communication that is wright in your soul your heart your mind ......your being....take hold of it and believe me DON'T LET IT GO!!!! tell her every minute of the day with your words,your thoughts,your actions,your treatment towards her,let her know she is the only one you could ever be with ,want. Have or not. Take a chance, let her know how you feel and never let her think in any different, in any way, shape or form.then after that allow her to do the same in return,let her blossom in you as your love grows give her the chance to do the same thing i tried to relay to you for her ,,listen to her advice and try to understand the depth of witch she is willing to go with you ,,if its where you want to go ....then go to that depth then find out if you /she the both of you want more.
bad for me the word check ,the word i way trying for was un-consciously
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| March 14, 2006, 19:14 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Re: How do you?
QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ March 14, 2006, 18:40) QUOTE (Chazzy @ March 14, 2006, 07:44) QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ February 24, 2006, 18:10)How do you know which girl is the girl?
what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totaly envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you.....
and one that doesnt quite get you seeing stars or feeling electricity but you just feel comfortable with her, like you've always known her and she just sort of fits....
then one you dont even really know much about but she is like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and has the personality you've been looking for etc.. just generally makes your heart beat fast at the thought of her smile...
how do you know which one to roll the dice on?
Maybe....there's a second part to your question?
"How do you know which girl is THE girl.... and how do you know you are man for her, the man that will love her unconditionally, loyally, the one will give her a lifetime with no regrets, or doubts. The one she can trust that any harm, pain or sadness you may give her will be completely unintentional and forgivable.
I think,possibly that we develop "cycles" with relationships for allot of reasons, maybe the influence by being a part of our parents marital history, and we all have our own fears and insecurities... so many things that can cause us to create cycles of destuctive behavior that we just keep unknowingly repeating...always thinking that it was the other person that wasn't right for us or that it was just incompatibility as a couple, so maybe it's not a matter of finding the "right one", but for me, it was finally being able to recognize the patterns, and breaking the cycles so that I could become "the right one" for someone else. I've come to see in my many mistakes and decisions, that if I do, truly and sincerely love someone, I honestly want them to have the nothing but joy, happiness, and total fulfillment throughout the rest of their lives even it it means that they spend their life with someone other than me.
I can now actually feel something very warm and deep if I can see someone I love with someone else that I know cherishes them, and not have even the slightest twinge of
any ugly pettiness like jealously.
missed you chazzy. you know everything.
that'd be the "what if there is one you've known for a LONG time as friends and you love her already to some extent and you both want so much more between you, and you can totaly envision being old on the porch with her but romantically she intimidates the hell out of you"
I really can't say that I understand what you mean by romantically intimidated is, you gotta explain that to me
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| March 15, 2006, 03:41 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
Just the thought scares me. She seems more than I deserve... she is the type that puts her entire self out there for that chance of love. She knows what she wants and doesn't want. I've never been like that.. I always hold back just enough so no one can really hurt me, she has the power to get me to open up that far and that in itself is intimidating (even if very good).
anyhow we can bullshit for hours and its great... then all it takes is one small compliment from her or sign of true emotion and I feel like a school girl with the hots for her teacher. it's been a year and still hasn't diminished any at all, more like worsened.
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| March 15, 2006, 09:04 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
Oh hell then,....You are gonna get hurt, there's no stopping it, most likely more than once. So you're letting your life be governed and ruled by a fear of something that is without any doubt, absolutely gonna happen anyway.
The irony is, by holding back, you are inflicting the hurt and pain that you fear so much, on to someone else, how many someone elses? You can't just keep letting the women you become involved with suffer all the anguish just so you can avoid it. It's all the hurting and painful breakups that are your lessons learned, the history you won't repeat when you do find "the right girl".
So..suck it up, and let life beat the crap outta ya like the rest of us!! 
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| March 15, 2006, 09:28 |
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flatbed
59 / male
elgin, Illinois, US
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Re: How do you?
follow whats in your heart and give it plenty of time to see if its right. ask yourself what do you want in your life
and go from there. dont rush it. take your time. 1 year min.
tom lykes says- always always wear a rubber.
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| March 16, 2006, 06:56 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
BCB~ Good grief boy...will you just go for it all ready!!!! Sometimes in life, you have to take a chance. Whether you get hurt or find the she is THE one...in the end, you won't have any regrets. Don't let something go that you've been waiting for because of fear of the unknown. You will only be kicking yourself in the ass later! It's where you least expect it...
Jill
Btw...I agree with Chazzy...suck it up and just do it!
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| March 16, 2006, 21:56 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
yeah... think i'm going with none of the above. is there a redhead that wants to take the role???
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| March 17, 2006, 20:37 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
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| March 18, 2006, 15:41 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: How do you?
QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ March 18, 2006, 15:41)
i wasn't serious.
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| March 18, 2006, 15:51 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: How do you?
(the redhead comment)
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| March 18, 2006, 15:51 |
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naughtyandnasty
54 / couple
blythe, California, US
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Re: Re: How do you?
QUOTE (Chazzy @ March 15, 2006, 09:28)Oh hell then,....You are gonna get hurt, there's no stopping it, most likely more than once. So you're letting your life be governed and ruled by a fear of something that is without any doubt, absolutely gonna happen anyway.
The irony is, by holding back, you are inflicting the hurt and pain that you fear so much, on to someone else, how many someone elses? You can't just keep letting the women you become involved with suffer all the anguish just so you can avoid it. It's all the hurting and painful breakups that are your lessons learned, the history you won't repeat when you do find "the right girl".
So..suck it up, and let life beat the crap outta ya like the rest of us!!
lol i cant agree with you more chazzy good looking.. a little hard to take but so Very True. like i sayed the way she feals for you from what is sounds like ....its time to take that chance and as chazzy say's allow life to kike you in the behind  now get it out there you know you want to come on 
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| March 19, 2006, 01:47 |
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tomboy6978
46 / male
Florissant, Missouri, US
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Re: How do you?
when you feel good with the person you love and when you have butterflies in your stomach
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| March 19, 2006, 18:36 |
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