I just got an e-mail today with this same joke! Glad I read your post first!!!

Jill

I haven't read through all of the jokes so I hope this isn't a repeat

*When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Charles that evening, and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter. When will men ever learn?*

  QUOTE (MoonHowler @ February 17, 2006, 08:23)

Good use of a frying pan!
A man is sitting reading his newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" He asks.

"That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Mary Ellen written on it," she replies.

"Don't be silly, he says "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on".

His wife seemed satisfied at this and apologised. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.

When he comes around he asks, "What was that for?"


"Your fuckin' horse phoned!"

I OWE MY MOTHER & DAD

1. My Parents taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My Parents taught me: RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My Parents taught me: TIME TRAVEL.
If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My Parents taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My Parents taught me: MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My Parents taught me: FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My Parents taught me: IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My Parents taught me: About the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My Parents taught me about: CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My Parents taught me about: STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My Parents taught me about: WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My Parents taught me about: HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My Parents taught me the: CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My Parents taught me about: BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My Parents taught me about: ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My Parents taught me about: ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My Parents taught me about: RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My Parents taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My Parents taught me: ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My Parents taught me: HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My Parents taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My Parents taught me: GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My Parents taught me about my: ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Parents taught me: WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."