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hardrock1955
69 / male
McGaheysville, Virginia, US
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Hell of a mess , what to do ?
The woman I met after my wife left, we had true love ,we are both artists , did a lot of cool things together. But alcohol got in the way, we both still love each other , but she is getting married new years day ( a marriage of convienience). We were together last weekend overnight(with his approval LOL ). He is going to London mid january, she is staying here a few days . thats part one
part two; I have been seeing someone , that I am sure has fallen totally in love with me , I like her , she is a great person, but I just don't feel it in my heart. I find it hard to even have sex with her . I want to make love not just sex . I am afraid to tell her how I feel, she would be devastated, I'm sure. I can't bring myself to hurt anyone , like I have been hurt, but as time goes on it will get worse.
So now the ten million dollar question. What the Hell do I do now? The one I love I cant live with ( no more trust). The one I can trust, I just don't have the right feelings for.
I'm thinking buy a big bag of weed , hide in a corner, and let the world pass me by Ha Ha Ha wish it was that simple  
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| December 29, 2005, 20:55 |
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bignasty
53 / male
Elko, Nevada, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ December 29, 2005, 20:55)The woman I met after my wife left, we had true love ,we are both artists , did a lot of cool things together. But alcohol got in the way, we both still love each other , but she is getting married new years day ( a marriage of convienience). We were together last weekend overnight(with his approval LOL ). He is going to London mid january, she is staying here a few days . thats part one
part two; I have been seeing someone , that I am sure has fallen totally in love with me , I like her , she is a great person, but I just don't feel it in my heart. I find it hard to even have sex with her . I want to make love not just sex . I am afraid to tell her how I feel, she would be devastated, I'm sure. I can't bring myself to hurt anyone , like I have been hurt, but as time goes on it will get worse.
So now the ten million dollar question. What the Hell do I do now? The one I love I cant live with ( no more trust). The one I can trust, I just don't have the right feelings for.
I'm thinking buy a big bag of weed , hide in a corner, and let the world pass me by Ha Ha Ha wish it was that simple
stand up for your love!tell her your true feelings for her
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| December 29, 2005, 21:05 |
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bignasty
53 / male
Elko, Nevada, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Don't let your love go without a fight! 
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| December 29, 2005, 21:06 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
I'm so sorry to hear that hard rock. Mine left too about 6 weeks ago so I know what your going through. I'll take the big bag of weed too. How can you live with someone you cant trust. Thats the foundation of whats to be. Even if mine came back how could I trust her, she left me for more money.If you don't really love the other one and cant make love then I suggest you keep looking. Your a good guy and love will come when you least expect it...you'll know when its there. Untill then start rolling them up and I'll see ya in a few days.. 
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| December 29, 2005, 21:12 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Honesty, trust, and communication are the key to all relationships......If you are missing just one of those, its bound for failure....I think we all know in our hearts when we have found that "right" person......and never settle!...Just sets you up for a life of misery, and we all know that when we are miserable, the people around us become miserable....and who wants to be miserable? .....Yet, if your happy, the people around you are happy and everyone wins!......
You seem like an all around great guy....There should be no reason why you should settle for anything less than what will make you happy!....
Good Luck to you..... 
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| December 29, 2005, 21:50 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Okay all...
THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND LUST!!!
Hardrock~
If you don't have feelings for this woman, you need to tell her the truth. No matter what the outcome. She is getting married to another man, and first and formost, what the hell is she doing messing with you? Whether it is "approved" of or not...she sounds like she has some serious issues of her own that she should be dealing with. As for the woman you actually love, you say there is no trust. Is is possible to rebuild that trust? And is it just you that doesn't trust her, or doesn't she trust you either? Another saying that we like to use is that "it takes years to build trust and only suspicion to ruin it." Does this woman want to try to work in out? It is possible to rebuild that trust, but it will take a lot of work on both your parts.
If you love her, tell her. Try to work it out. If it's not possible then more than likely, this is not meant to be. And your true love is still waiting for you. Best of luck to you!
J:J
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| December 30, 2005, 04:36 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
I may not be the best person to say but follow you heart. Don't pick one or the other if they can't make you happy and feel secure in an out of bed. You owe it to yourself to be happy and I know this might sound stupid but they aren't your only choices. Good people are hard to find and harder to hang onto. Ever think about just getting a dog? Oh and the bag of grass is a good ideer too 
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| December 30, 2005, 04:40 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ December 29, 2005, 20:55)The woman I met after my wife left, we had true love ,we are both artists , did a lot of cool things together. But alcohol got in the way, we both still love each other , but she is getting married new years day ( a marriage of convienience). We were together last weekend overnight(with his approval LOL ). He is going to London mid january, she is staying here a few days . thats part one
part two; I have been seeing someone , that I am sure has fallen totally in love with me , I like her , she is a great person, but I just don't feel it in my heart. I find it hard to even have sex with her . I want to make love not just sex . I am afraid to tell her how I feel, she would be devastated, I'm sure. I can't bring myself to hurt anyone , like I have been hurt, but as time goes on it will get worse.
So now the ten million dollar question. What the Hell do I do now? The one I love I cant live with ( no more trust). The one I can trust, I just don't have the right feelings for.
I'm thinking buy a big bag of weed , hide in a corner, and let the world pass me by Ha Ha Ha wish it was that simple
Jack here....Part 1
I think you are better off without her. She sounds like the typical, "wants her cake and eat it to", type. Not a good quality in my book.
Part2
by not telling your current friend how you feel you basically are saying that you do not respect her ability to handle conflict in her life. Try to remember back to when you were going through your pain. Wouldn't the truth had been better than living a lie? Honesty is ALWAYS the best way to go.
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| December 30, 2005, 05:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Part 3:
Move to Cleveland. There is absolutly no chance of having sex around here so you can find a woman you love just for her family money. On the bright side we do have a large number of artists in town, to bad there all gay 
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| December 30, 2005, 12:34 |
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hardrock1955
69 / male
McGaheysville, Virginia, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Thanks for the advice guys , I guess I already knew what I have to do, but damn I hate to hurt anyones feelings , much less break her heart. I guess I'll roll a few ,go tell her , then roll a few more , ha ha . Damn I wish I drank at times like this  thanks to all for caring enough to answer  
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| December 30, 2005, 18:50 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
yeah amigo some good green bud a little brew some good tunes I recommend Mark Knopflers latest efforts helps you hold out get through the these times, take it from a guy who knows these things
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| December 31, 2005, 01:17 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
love and companionship and sex are all great things and very comforting for the spirit but so is walk in the wood ,a fishing trip ,a concert or a ballgame 'try not to do anything out of desperation or character and you will respect yourself a lot more for it later on .
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| December 31, 2005, 05:42 |
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hardrock1955
69 / male
McGaheysville, Virginia, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
an update : ahe got married sunday, came back from honeymoon wednesday, called me thursday. He is going to Ireland/ England the 15th. She wants to come here a few days . I know , even though I still love her we can never be together again, the trust is all gone. but the world moves when we make love , should I let her come a few days ? 
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| January 6, 2006, 09:29 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Personally I wouldnt. Why tempt yourself and run the risk of loosing her twice for a few moments of passions. I know its hard but let her go. Everyone has that one great love they could never have, but the memories you have no one can take from you.
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| January 6, 2006, 09:36 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ January 6, 2006, 09:29)an update : ahe got married sunday, came back from honeymoon wednesday, called me thursday. He is going to Ireland/ England the 15th. She wants to come here a few days . I know , even though I still love her we can never be together again, the trust is all gone. but the world moves when we make love , should I let her come a few days ?
Got to ask yourself, what exactly do you love? Her or the sex? Are you in love with the memories or who she is now? Personally, I would let her go. Letting someone go to find their own happiness is the most loving thing you can do, in my opinion.
Jack
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| January 6, 2006, 10:09 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ January 6, 2006, 10:09) QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ January 6, 2006, 09:29)an update : ahe got married sunday, came back from honeymoon wednesday, called me thursday. He is going to Ireland/ England the 15th. She wants to come here a few days . I know , even though I still love her we can never be together again, the trust is all gone. but the world moves when we make love , should I let her come a few days ?
Got to ask yourself, what exactly do you love? Her or the sex? Are you in love with the memories or who she is now? Personally, I would let her go. Letting someone go to find their own happiness is the most loving thing you can do, in my opinion.
Jack
I am agreeing with Jack..... 
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| January 6, 2006, 10:12 |
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darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Ditto...I have found some of the people I have loved the most, have been relativly poor choices for me,and have also had utter devotion from people who would be good choices, but...no urgency, problem is sometimes for me the urgency comes from the instability!( I know, I have issues) I would very much like to beleive that true, unyeilding love and urgent, intense passion can come from one person, but...I am starting to just settle for meaningless sex. There is a hot quality to random encounters, but sex with someone you would die for is something that just soars above all else. Is that love and lust? together in one package? Can that last? wow...These are the really big questions, I have been searching for answers to for a long time...The grass is always greener...
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| January 6, 2006, 10:32 |
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darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Unless of course its purple, like this nice blueberry x bubblegum strain here! I reccomend that, too! 
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| January 6, 2006, 10:35 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
QUOTE (darkmark666 @ January 6, 2006, 10:32)Ditto...I have found some of the people I have loved the most, have been relativly poor choices for me,and have also had utter devotion from people who would be good choices, but...no urgency, problem is sometimes for me the urgency comes from the instability!( I know, I have issues) I would very much like to beleive that true, unyeilding love and urgent, intense passion can come from one person, but...I am starting to just settle for meaningless sex. There is a hot quality to random encounters, but sex with someone you would die for is something that just soars above all else. Is that love and lust? together in one package? Can that last? wow...These are the really big questions, I have been searching for answers to for a long time...The grass is always greener...
Well it can't be that long of time...your only 33..
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| January 6, 2006, 11:00 |
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darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
yeah, maybe it just feels like it! Not the years,though, anyway...its the miles! 
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| January 6, 2006, 11:04 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
QUOTE (darkmark666 @ January 6, 2006, 10:32)... I would very much like to beleive that true, unyeilding love and urgent, intense passion can come from one person, but...I am starting to just settle for meaningless sex. There is a hot quality to random encounters, but sex with someone you would die for is something that just soars above all else. Is that love and lust? together in one package? Can that last? wow...These are the really big questions, I have been searching for answers to for a long time...The grass is always greener...
One thing is for certain...you will find it when you least expect it and you will know that she is "THE ONE"...and you'll know that it is much more than lust. There is no way to describe it...you'll just KNOW. And as for the grass always being greener...it eventually dies!
Jill
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| January 6, 2006, 12:28 |
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darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
yes, It's usually greener on the other side 'cause ya' trampled all over it on your side, but if you switch sides, it seems to grow back over there while you trample the shit out of the new side... maybe I should walk softly? And be full of fertilizer! You two seem to have struck a nice balance, though. I applaud you!
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| January 6, 2006, 12:59 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
QUOTE (darkmark666 @ January 6, 2006, 12:59)maybe I should walk softly? And be full of fertilizer!
You are half right. You do need to walk softly, water it when it's dry, feed it when it's hungry, keep the weeds out and cut it before it gets to high. Just like your green grass our relationship takes nuturing also. Nothing grows without care.
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| January 6, 2006, 15:45 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
Hardrock
I read a quote thing morning that reminded me of your situation.
"If you live in the past, you die in the present."
Jack
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| January 7, 2006, 05:58 |
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hardrock1955
69 / male
McGaheysville, Virginia, US
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Re: Hell of a mess , what to do ?
I guess that pretty much sums it up huh?
Thanks for the advice Jack
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| January 7, 2006, 07:30 |
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