...

That was my most embarrassing moment sexually, but that ranks right up there with being 16, and trying to outrun a cop car by going down a DEAD END DIRT road!.....

This was rather recently....I sometimes have one of those "squirting" orgasm, I can't predict them, they just happen.
The last time my husband and I had sex, he decided to move and while changing positions he came within range at the exact precise moment I had one of the "squirters"....
Ha! GOT HIM RIGHT UP THE NOSE!!!

  QUOTE (nykitten @ December 15, 2005, 13:02)


Blondes!

  QUOTE (DEye @ December 15, 2005, 13:23)


Only when I have to be!

Alrighty, Here goes,(and good luck topping it!)O.K., so a girl I used to date a long time ago, in a galaxy fa.....Oh, wait, wrong story. We met in the contemporary modern American fashion. She was unhappilly married, and cheating! Now, we get to being friends, and one day she invites me over to the house during her man's work hours while she is sunbathing. I take the ride( relatively long) and arrive with a short amount of time before he get's home, and she is laying out COMPLETELY NUDE ! (no, this didn't come from a movie) She is shining like wet bronze, and we promptly get to screwin' around. We are goin' at it on the dog house and she is cumming and starts in with the heavy breathing...and gasping...and then the NO breathing!....Full blown seizure,I'm talking, eyes roll back in her head, no respiration, Limp, lifeless body.(this is not the only thing limp and lifeless,at this point, now!)So now it's the middle of the afternoon and I have my arm full of dead girl, someone else's dead girl! I am looking around, now, waiting to see the neighbor's or something, wondering who this is gonna be harder to explain to...the cop's?..her husband?..the judge?!?......................So, I don't know C.P.R, but I'm learning real fast, Cause' I'm outta time, and I'm tryin' shit I seen in movies, I'm makin' Up my own moves, anything to desperately extract myself from these circumstances, and I get her back among the living and all, and she says, as I'm still panic stricken: "that happens once in awhile)!!!........at any rate, the moral of the story is... ask your partner if they have a tendency to DIE during sex, before commencing to do so!........Or was it don't cheat?......dead, naked people are funny???.....I don't know what the moral was, but in reality, at the time, it wasn't funny, It was FUCKING TERRIFYING !!!.............but, it is funny now.

  QUOTE (nykitten @ December 15, 2005, 16:15)


I'd make a hell of a good blonde most of the time

  QUOTE (DEye @ December 15, 2005, 16:16)


I would like to see that!

Alrighty, Here goes,(and good luck topping it!)O.K., so a girl I used to date a long time ago, in a galaxy fa.....Oh, wait, wrong story. We met in the contemporary modern American fashion. She was unhappilly married, and cheating! Now, we get to being friends, and one day she invites me over to the house during her man's work hours while she is sunbathing. I take the ride( relatively long) and arrive with a short amount of time before he get's home, and she is laying out COMPLETELY NUDE ! (no, this didn't come from a movie) She is shining like wet bronze, and we promptly get to screwin' around. We are goin' at it on the dog house and she is cumming and starts in with the heavy breathing...and gasping...and then the NO breathing!....Full blown seizure,I'm talking, eyes roll back in her head, no respiration, Limp, lifeless body.(this is not the only thing limp and lifeless,at this point, now!)So now it's the middle of the afternoon and I have my arm full of dead girl, someone else's dead girl! I am looking around, now, waiting to see the neighbor's or something, wondering who this is gonna be harder to explain to...the cop's?..her husband?..the judge?!?......................So, I don't know C.P.R, but I'm learning real fast, Cause' I'm outta time, and I'm tryin' shit I seen in movies, I'm makin' Up my own moves, anything to desperately extract myself from these circumstances, and I get her back among the living and all, and she says, as I'm still panic stricken: "that happens once in awhile)!!!........at any rate, the moral of the story is... ask your partener if they have a tendency to DIE during sex, before commencing to do so!........Or was it don't cheat?......dead, naked people are funny???.....I don't know what the moral was, but in reality, at the time, it wasn't funny, It was FUCKING TERRIFYING !!!.............but, it is funny now.

....nah...on second thought....I reallly don't wanna talk about the "anal beads incident"

"arsenal"

nice word choice.

O.K., the 'Anal beads incident"? I just can't leave it at that! I'll tell you what, maybe after you U.P.S. yourself to south Jersey we can talk about it while we throw away your packaging! (and those styrofoam peanuts!)

O.K., since I've had a fairly ridiculuos life, thus far, I have some fairly ridiculous stories. Here we go...( maybe we can coax the "anal beads storie out,eh?) A friend of mine that I used to mess around with and I were at the bar drinking( I tend to look better through the bottom of a mug!) and we decided to go back to my house, which at the time is situated on a highway that is a major link to the Jersey shore. Oh, did I forget to mention,(and I feel this is reasonably important to the story)on the way back in the truck, she takes.like, a FISTFULL of xanax! Which she assures me she can handle. So, we go back to the house and in the backyard we have a dirttrack and a campsite, it is hidden by chicken coops and very secluded. I bring a big, black, blanket out and we begin our carnal picnic! just as we get to the part where I am removing her undies, and I penatrate her,( I mean, like one thrust, seriuosly!) she begins to ask where Sue or Chris or somebody is and does not remember at all where she is or for that matter why...However, beings as how she's disrobed, and has a penis in her, she's fairly certain what she's doing! Problem is she does'nt seem to know who with!now she is freaking out, calling me "Steve" or something, wanting to know why "Steve" is plowing her, but she is fortunately pretty out of it( Yes, at this point, that is fortunate!)So, I gather her up in my arms and make for the house.( yes, here I am again with the nude and lifeless! I know!)Now,as we come up toward the road...Oh, you forgot about the road? yeah, me,too, anyway all anybody can probably make out from their cars in the light in the yard is someone carrying a naked girl's body with a freakin' blanket wrapped around them, lookin' for every bit like the goddamn grim reaper or something! Now, I realize that I look like a disciple of some dark art, and that I just wrapped up my ritual murder, so I am hurrying for the house, now...And the cars are slowing down, and one is beeping, and I'm hoping its not a cop. Finally, at the house, I get her inside and put her to bed( after she falls in the bathroom, and rips down my towel rack.)Morning comes, and of, course, she has no recollection of any of these events, whatsoever!...................................... She does, however, wonder where she bumped her head!...........She should have fallen TOWARDS the wall, maybe?....

  QUOTE (darkmark666 @ December 16, 2005, 21:18)


I just peed my pants!......

ok heres mine and ill tell you cause im not shy, one night my husand and i were parting witha friend and decides we wre gonna have a thyreesome with his friend so as the nite went on things got good and even betterjust as i was in a possition of giving a blow job to one and being done by the other my Mother walks in the door and stands there and looks and says (gee leigh i didn't think you wre so flexible)outa everyone why did mshe have to catch in this acward moment i was so iiombarrased

Alrighty, Here goes,(and good luck topping it!)O.K., so a girl I used to date a long time ago, in a galaxy fa.....Oh, wait, wrong story. We met in the contemporary modern American fashion. She was unhappilly married, and cheating! Now, we get to being friends, and one day she invites me over to the house during her man's work hours while she is sunbathing. I take the ride( relatively long) and arrive with a short amount of time before he get's home, and she is laying out COMPLETELY NUDE ! (no, this didn't come from a movie) She is shining like wet bronze, and we promptly get to screwin' around. We are goin' at it on the dog house and she is cumming and starts in with the heavy breathing...and gasping...and then the NO breathing!....Full blown seizure,I'm talking, eyes roll back in her head, no respiration, Limp, lifeless body.(this is not the only thing limp and lifeless,at this point, now!)So now it's the middle of the afternoon and I have my arm full of dead girl, someone else's dead girl! I am looking around, now, waiting to see the neighbor's or something, wondering who this is gonna be harder to explain to...the cop's?..her husband?..the judge?!?......................So, I don't know C.P.R, but I'm learning real fast, Cause' I'm outta time, and I'm tryin' shit I seen in movies, I'm makin' Up my own moves, anything to desperately extract myself from these circumstances, and I get her back among the living and all, and she says, as I'm still panic stricken: "that happens once in awhile)!!!........at any rate, the moral of the story is... ask your partener if they have a tendency to DIE during sex, before commencing to do so!........Or was it don't cheat?......dead, naked people are funny???.....I don't know what the moral was, but in reality, at the time, it wasn't funny, It was FUCKING TERRIFYING !!!.............but, it is funny now.

(gee leigh i didn't think you wre so flexible)

Alrighty, Here goes,(and good luck topping it!)O.K., so a girl I used to date a long time ago, in a galaxy fa.....Oh, wait, wrong story. We met in the contemporary modern American fashion. She was unhappilly married, and cheating! Now, we get to being friends, and one day she invites me over to the house during her man's work hours while she is sunbathing. I take the ride( relatively long) and arrive with a short amount of time before he get's home, and she is laying out COMPLETELY NUDE ! (no, this didn't come from a movie) She is shining like wet bronze, and we promptly get to screwin' around. We are goin' at it on the dog house and she is cumming and starts in with the heavy breathing...and gasping...and then the NO breathing!....Full blown seizure,I'm talking, eyes roll back in her head, no respiration, Limp, lifeless body.(this is not the only thing limp and lifeless,at this point, now!)So now it's the middle of the afternoon and I have my arm full of dead girl, someone else's dead girl! I am looking around, now, waiting to see the neighbor's or something, wondering who this is gonna be harder to explain to...the cop's?..her husband?..the judge?!?......................So, I don't know C.P.R, but I'm learning real fast, Cause' I'm outta time, and I'm tryin' shit I seen in movies, I'm makin' Up my own moves, anything to desperately extract myself from these circumstances, and I get her back among the living and all, and she says, as I'm still panic stricken: "that happens once in awhile)!!!........at any rate, the moral of the story is... ask your partener if they have a tendency to DIE during sex, before commencing to do so!........Or was it don't cheat?......dead, naked people are funny???.....I don't know what the moral was, but in reality, at the time, it wasn't funny, It was FUCKING TERRIFYING !!!.............but, it is funny now. ROFLMAO.... that is the most hilarious story I've ever heard ... and the bad thing is I once knew someone who had seizures like that and it scarred the crap outta me too.... I forgot all about her till now... thanks for the memories ...!!!!

Alrighty, Here goes,(and good luck topping it!)O.K., so a girl I used to date a long time ago, in a galaxy fa.....Oh, wait, wrong story. We met in the contemporary modern American fashion. She was unhappilly married, and cheating! Now, we get to being friends, and one day she invites me over to the house during her man's work hours while she is sunbathing. I take the ride( relatively long) and arrive with a short amount of time before he get's home, and she is laying out COMPLETELY NUDE ! (no, this didn't come from a movie) She is shining like wet bronze, and we promptly get to screwin' around. We are goin' at it on the dog house and she is cumming and starts in with the heavy breathing...and gasping...and then the NO breathing!....Full blown seizure,I'm talking, eyes roll back in her head, no respiration, Limp, lifeless body.(this is not the only thing limp and lifeless,at this point, now!)So now it's the middle of the afternoon and I have my arm full of dead girl, someone else's dead girl! I am looking around, now, waiting to see the neighbor's or something, wondering who this is gonna be harder to explain to...the cop's?..her husband?..the judge?!?......................So, I don't know C.P.R, but I'm learning real fast, Cause' I'm outta time, and I'm tryin' shit I seen in movies, I'm makin' Up my own moves, anything to desperately extract myself from these circumstances, and I get her back among the living and all, and she says, as I'm still panic stricken: "that happens once in awhile)!!!........at any rate, the moral of the story is... ask your partener if they have a tendency to DIE during sex, before commencing to do so!........Or was it don't cheat?......dead, naked people are funny???.....I don't know what the moral was, but in reality, at the time, it wasn't funny, It was FUCKING TERRIFYING !!!.............but, it is funny now. ROFLMAO.... that is the most hilarious story I've ever heard ... and the bad thing is I once knew someone who had seizures like that and it scarred the crap outta me too.... I forgot all about her till now... thanks for the memories ...!!!!