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When
Ok, hate to change the topics to one of seriousness but just wondering.....when is enough finally enough! After years of arguing I finally just got tired and said....thats it....I'm moving out.
All I got in response is what about the kids, if you leave this week I'll give you half, and hey....do you need any boxes?
When do you finally throw in the towel? If it still hurts does that mean there's still hope? Or is it just plain hard to let go even though you know you need to. I just don't see living unhappily for the rest of my life but I'm scared to death of being alone. Oh crap.......I hate men!
Ok not all of you.
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| December 7, 2005, 15:02 |
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Re: When
no advice for you. just a 
(closest smily there is to just a plain old hug)
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| December 7, 2005, 15:36 |
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Re: When
For me, Hon...it's when I'm certain that I have done everything I possible can to salvage the marraige, even if salvaging the marraige means demolitioning my hopes and outlook (I'm so stupid like that, I can squelch everything about me that is me, and adapt to horrible conditions, just to make someone else secure and content.) It's when I know I can walk away and not worry about regret or quilt later on, with thoughts that I maybe should have tried harder, been a little more patient, given in a little more...it's when I can walk away, with one big exhale, I know I'm strong enough to stop myself from looking back, that I won't allow any regrets or doubts to drown me, when I'm sure what I'm doing is not really so much for my benefit, but I've looked hard, and I know that it's truly what's best for everyone involved, what's best for the families, and even what's best for him, even if he doesn't realize it at the time....what's best for me has never been an issue for me during a break-up..'cause I know I'll pull through it, I'll make some sort of new life, and I"ll be just fine, and I'll suck it up, make the best use of my time whether I'm alone, or with someone... make the best use of my time, and wait for time to fade the negativety out of my past...
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| December 7, 2005, 15:44 |
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Re: When
QUOTE (curiousgirl @ December 7, 2005, 15:02)Ok, hate to change the topics to one of seriousness but just wondering.....when is enough finally enough! After years of arguing I finally just got tired and said....thats it....I'm moving out.
All I got in response is what about the kids, if you leave this week I'll give you half, and hey....do you need any boxes?
When do you finally throw in the towel? If it still hurts does that mean there's still hope? Or is it just plain hard to let go even though you know you need to. I just don't see living unhappily for the rest of my life but I'm scared to death of being alone. Oh crap.......I hate men!
Ok not all of you.
I'm sorry hon. Wish I had the right thing to say that would make it better, but only you know what youn want and need. If you need a friend I'm not far away. 
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| December 7, 2005, 16:06 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: When
All very wise advice......And most importantly, the best came from your own heart!....Your right!...You can't live unhappily for the rest of your life!.....And I think when you experience life, love, and children with someone, it will always hurt to part, but the hurt goes away!.....Your happiness is what will make you the person you need to be for yourself and your children!
Not to mention the fact that the people here really seem to fancy you, so your odds of having friends and support through something like this are very likely!......Good Luck to you Curiousgirl!
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| December 7, 2005, 16:20 |
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littlecock
60 / male
southwest, Colorado, US
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Re: When
you just know when it's time to throw in the towel. no mater when it is if it's now or later it still HURTS! you just have to know when you've had enough. don't be scared of being alone you're a pretty lady you shouldn't have a problem finding somebody when you're ready.
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| December 7, 2005, 16:21 |
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Re: When
You guys are all so sweet and I have no fear of not having friends here to talk to when I need them. 
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| December 7, 2005, 18:07 |
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Re: When
Ok I think the time to let go is when you find it hurts more to stay then it does to leave. 
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| December 7, 2005, 18:07 |
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Re: When
The "what about the kids" is really unfair - a couple staying together because of the kids is not really good for the kids. Kids know things are not right and will be ok - after a bit, with the break up. They may have to be adults to look back and realize it was best. I am sorry that you are having to go through this.
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| December 7, 2005, 18:38 |
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Re: When
Even if it hurts bad it seems no matter what things never change and you do finally have to say ok its over. As for hope, it may seem like their is hope, and u try to work it ok it will always end up the way it was. Hurt hell yes it hurts I am going through it too like you...
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| December 8, 2005, 11:58 |
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Re: Re: When
QUOTE (fallenangel @ December 8, 2005, 11:58)Even if it hurts bad it seems no matter what things never change and you do finally have to say ok its over. As for hope, it may seem like their is hope, and u try to work it ok it will always end up the way it was. Hurt hell yes it hurts I am going through it too like you...
Ditto....
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| December 8, 2005, 13:18 |
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darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
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Re: When
yes, when the unhappiness is more prevalent then the good it is certainly the death of it. I think we all kinda know it inside when it is that point, but who wants to feel like they just gave up? It is hard to balance the desire to get out of something when you can't conceivably know ,if it will truly solve the problem, or if you are just giving up. It is also ( for me, anyway) hard to know if I will always end up feeling that way at some point in all of your relationships. beyond seeing the future it is really just a toss up. I hate to quit, but I also hate to be taken advantage of, and neglected. It is probable,though,that by the time you are really doing, it(leaving) or it has begun to dominate your thoughts to the point where at the very least it is a topic of constant conversation, the dominoes are already in motion, know what I mean. basically I think that by the time you are talking about...you have already chosen, after that it is just a matter of time. my 2 cents hope everything works out for you and you have a happy holiday season !
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| December 8, 2005, 14:26 |
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Re: Re: When
QUOTE (Chazzy @ December 7, 2005, 15:44)For me, Hon...it's when I'm certain that I have done everything I possible can to salvage the marraige, even if salvaging the marraige means demolitioning my hopes and outlook (I'm so stupid like that, I can squelch everything about me that is me, and adapt to horrible conditions, just to make someone else secure and content.) It's when I know I can walk away and not worry about regret or quilt later on, with thoughts that I maybe should have tried harder, been a little more patient, given in a little more...it's when I can walk away, with one big exhale, I know I'm strong enough to stop myself from looking back, that I won't allow any regrets or doubts to drown me, when I'm sure what I'm doing is not really so much for my benefit, but I've looked hard, and I know that it's truly what's best for everyone involved, what's best for the families, and even what's best for him, even if he doesn't realize it at the time....what's best for me has never been an issue for me during a break-up..'cause I know I'll pull through it, I'll make some sort of new life, and I"ll be just fine, and I'll suck it up, make the best use of my time whether I'm alone, or with someone... make the best use of my time, and wait for time to fade the negativety out of my past...
You've made some good points. I think that when you are "just there" that is a pretty good sign. I also found that if I ever ask myself, "What the hell am I doing?", it usually means that it's time to get out. I was with a guy for five years, he cheated, that was it. I think that was a good "excuse" for me to stay strong and get by on my own with my kids. I proved to him and everyone else that I could do it on my own. I am sure that once she is able to see what the future may hold for her, she will be able to move on, with her head held high. His loss too.
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| December 8, 2005, 15:13 |
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Re: Re: Re: When
QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ December 8, 2005, 15:13).....His loss too.
well said.
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| December 8, 2005, 15:55 |
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Re: When
You'll be just fine on your own...hell, couldn't even guess how high the number of single women is in this country. Some of us have gone through it several times... start with nothing, build a life with someone, then have to walk away, left with nothing, and start all over again. Try to get that "scared to death of being alone" stuff out of your head...ditch that "need to be with someone, need to have a man, need to be half of a couple" poison, you're better than that... be a whole complete person, productive, and positive, and if someone comes along that's worthy of you sharing that with, that's wonderful, but if not...you have your first priotity, your children. I don't have any children, but I can't think of anything that could be more worthwhile and noble than the goal of being the best parent possible.
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| December 8, 2005, 22:18 |
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Re: When
It is scary when the life you have known for years is over. You don't now what to do, well just take it slow and you will be just fine, you are a stronge person...
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| December 9, 2005, 08:33 |
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Re: When
You guys always have such wonderful advice. I wouldn't trade this site for any other. The people here are always warm and caring and willing to help anyone with anything. I think Darkmark hit the nail right on the head. Now I need an apt., some money, and a few strong guys to help me move.
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| December 9, 2005, 11:23 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Re: When
QUOTE (curiousgirl @ December 9, 2005, 11:23)You guys always have such wonderful advice. I wouldn't trade this site for any other. The people here are always warm and caring and willing to help anyone with anything. I think Darkmark hit the nail right on the head. Now I need an apt., some money, and a few strong guys to help me move.
How about a strong woman?..... 
Good luck to you Curiousgirl!....Hey just think, Maybe now you can take the "Curious" out of the girl!
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| December 9, 2005, 13:29 |
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fatz3030
50 / male
ft, collins, Colorado, US
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Re: When
the same thing happens to men too, sweet heart just pick yourself up and move on i know easier said than done but you do have kid's be strong for them if nothing else. if you need someone to talk to dgfatz at hot mail dot com.
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| December 9, 2005, 13:47 |
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Re: Re: Re: When
QUOTE (nykitten @ December 9, 2005, 13:29)}
Good luck to you Curiousgirl!....Hey just think, Maybe now you can take the "Curious" out of the girl!
Yummy!
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| December 9, 2005, 13:51 |
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texas
70 / male
dallas, Texas, US
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Re: Re: When
QUOTE (DEye @ December 7, 2005, 18:07)Ok I think the time to let go is when you find it hurts more to stay then it does to leave.
I agee with DEye , this is the best advice to be giving and also with BCB the closes to a hug will kept you in my prayer
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| December 9, 2005, 14:10 |
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Re: When
It is never easy to leave a long term relatonship. Wheather this is marriage or living together. I have never been one to stay with anything nor anyone that did not make me happy. I see no reason for anyone else to do this either. Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily mean that there is still hope. Leaving thies realtionship is going to hurt because of the length of time you have in it and because at one time you loved this person.
All I can say is to make sure you are making the correct choice. If you later find out you didn't, talk to your former partner and see if things can be worked out. If you do get back together make sure your partner lives up to what they say.
I wish you well in your new adventures and am sorry for your problems.
Take care
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| December 9, 2005, 14:55 |
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svedishchef
45 / male
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
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Re: When
I hate women too.
Yup, I'd say its time to walk.
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| December 9, 2005, 19:01 |
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bear
63 / male
OHIO, Ohio, US
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Re: When
CG, sorry to hear this. as to when...only you can make the choice. It's how much you are willing to put up with from your other half. My choice came when the ex-wife decided to use me as a punching bag. Put up with it for about 30 days then got out. this after about 8yrs of being together. Yep, very scary to think about being alone after being with someone for a period of time. lucky for me..kids were grown up. You have to do what is best for you. From what I have seen here..you have a great many friend here you can turn to for advise. I wish you the best of luck with this.
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| December 10, 2005, 12:09 |
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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: When
you do what's best for you and them, CG. Everything said here is exactly what I'd have said.
you have friends and we are them!
  
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| December 10, 2005, 15:39 |
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