|
| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE |
|
nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
|
Need to Smile?
Just Thought some of you might enjoy the laugh....and maybe actually understand it!.... 
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks
we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
And Not to Mention......
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
|
| December 7, 2005, 11:50 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
...and when a carload of teens out cruising on a saturday night got pulled over, the cops would just make them pour out their beer, and empty their nickle bags of weed on the ground, and would just shake thier heads, sigh, and mutter "damn kids" after sending them on thier way again.....
|
| December 7, 2005, 11:57 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (nykitten @ December 7, 2005, 11:50)Just Thought some of you might enjoy the laugh....and maybe actually understand it!....
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks
we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
And Not to Mention......
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
Damn! so that's why I turned out this way!
|
| December 7, 2005, 13:07 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Don't forget we could play outside in the dark for hours and not think about a crazy takeing us away......
|
| December 7, 2005, 13:18 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Also if we got into a fight with someone our age we never had to go to court over it....
|
| December 7, 2005, 13:19 |
|
darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
|
Re: Need to Smile?
yeah,now I understand!
|
| December 7, 2005, 17:53 |
|
darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
|
Re: Need to Smile?
after all that I probably can't be fixed.
|
| December 7, 2005, 17:55 |
|
littlecock
60 / male
southwest, Colorado, US
|
Re: Need to Smile?
i understand and i got a laugh thanks for reminding my of simpler times
|
| December 7, 2005, 19:22 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Blame the lawyers....especially here !!!
|
| December 7, 2005, 19:32 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (Leviathan4u @ December 7, 2005, 19:32)Blame the lawyers....especially here !!!
you really have that right
|
| December 7, 2005, 21:47 |
|
pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
|
Re: Need to Smile?
what do you call 5000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
a good START!
Ba dum dum (thankyouverymuch)
What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Not enough SAND!
  
|
| December 11, 2005, 16:32 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
What do call all the lawyers gathered in one place...
California !!!!
 
|
| December 11, 2005, 16:44 |
|
msred
48 / female
somewhere in, Massachusetts, US
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Why is a lawyer worse than a car salesman?
Chances are the car salesman is going to fuck you, but at least you walk away with something.
|
| December 11, 2005, 23:15 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Buying A Cow
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you....
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig
,.... Just to get a little sausage.
Sorry guys! But I couldn't resist!!!
|
| December 13, 2005, 15:55 |
|
nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ December 13, 2005, 15:55)Buying A Cow
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you....
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig
,.... Just to get a little sausage.
Sorry guys! But I couldn't resist!!!
|
| December 13, 2005, 16:13 |
|
nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (darkmark666 @ December 7, 2005, 17:53)yeah,now I understand!
ME TOO!......
|
| December 13, 2005, 16:14 |
|
nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (darkmark666 @ December 7, 2005, 17:55)after all that I probably can't be fixed.
Who says your broken?..... 
|
| December 13, 2005, 16:15 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Oh! Very good!
|
| December 13, 2005, 16:30 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (Jacknjill143 @ December 13, 2005, 15:55)Buying A Cow
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you....
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig
,.... Just to get a little sausage.
Sorry guys! But I couldn't resist!!!
lmao love it.....
|
| December 13, 2005, 19:39 |
|
Marshall
71 / male
N. Central, Indiana, US
|
Re: Need to Smile?
LOL! Good one!
Yep though, all the "no-nos" we did back then, compared to NOW.
Lordy, I used to ride my bike 11 miles to swim, be gone all day, ride home after dark.
Age......uh..12?
ID FAINT if my kid would have took off for places unknown that long!
A day in the woods with my dog, Spot ( what ELSE would a kid name his dog? lol)lasted all day too.
We never locked the house..ever.
Seat belts? say what?
Get some blood on you from a cut buddy? big deal....wash it off.
good post....as usual kitten
|
| December 18, 2005, 11:01 |
|
nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (Marshall @ December 18, 2005, 11:01)LOL! Good one!
Yep though, all the "no-nos" we did back then, compared to NOW.
Lordy, I used to ride my bike 11 miles to swim, be gone all day, ride home after dark.
Age......uh..12?
ID FAINT if my kid would have took off for places unknown that long!
A day in the woods with my dog, Spot ( what ELSE would a kid name his dog? lol)lasted all day too.
We never locked the house..ever.
Seat belts? say what?
Get some blood on you from a cut buddy? big deal....wash it off.
good post....as usual kitten
Thanxs...Glad you enjoyed!...
|
| December 18, 2005, 13:47 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
here's one
An old man is sitting on a bench at the mall when a kid with a Mohawk dyed green,red,and yellow sits next to him.The old man turns to look at him and just stares.
"What's the matter,Gramps?" the kid asks,"never done anything wild in your life?"
"Sure have," replies the old guy,"Screwed a peacock once years ago,I was just wondering if you were my son."
|
| December 25, 2005, 20:35 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (studleydoright @ December 25, 2005, 20:35)here's one
An old man is sitting on a bench at the mall when a kid with a Mohawk dyed green,red,and yellow sits next to him.The old man turns to look at him and just stares.
"What's the matter,Gramps?" the kid asks,"never done anything wild in your life?"
"Sure have," replies the old guy,"Screwed a peacock once years ago,I was just wondering if you were my son."
|
| December 26, 2005, 08:47 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
her's another one!
A housewife agreedto answer some questions from a representive of Masters and Johnson,
"Could you possibly describe the look on your hushand's face when you're having sex?"asked the pollster, "Well,usually it's sort of contorted with tension and excitement," replied the woman. "But I do remember one time when it was contorted with anger and hate,"
"Oh, really? When was that?"
"Last week,"the woman responded,"when he was looking in the bedroom window."
|
| December 26, 2005, 11:58 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
God looked upon Adam and spoke.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," the Creator revealed.
"What's the good news?"
"I'm going to give you a brain and a dick," he said.
"Then what's the bad news?"
"I'm only going to give you enough blood to run one at a time."
|
| December 26, 2005, 12:09 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (studleydoright @ December 26, 2005, 12:09) God looked upon Adam and spoke.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," the Creator revealed.
"What's the good news?"
"I'm going to give you a brain and a dick," he said.
"Then what's the bad news?"
"I'm only going to give you enough blood to run one at a time."
Yep, must be a true story!!!
|
| December 26, 2005, 18:19 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
A couple is lying in bed.The man says,"I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says,"I'll miss you..."
no.2
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today,"Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,"Honey,what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
no.3
He said-"Since I first laid eyes on you,I have wanted to make love to you really badly,"
She said "Well,you succeeded."
|
| December 27, 2005, 16:09 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
That last one was good too! My turn...
There were three men fishing in a boat.
One felt a tug and reeled in his line. He had caught a beautiful mermaid. She squirmed and struggled and tried to break free but he wouldn't let her go.
Finally she said "I'll give you anything you can wish for if you'll let me go.
"Okay," said the man, "I want my IQ doubled."
So she did and he goes off on Shakespeare and all kinds of complicated things.
The mermaid goes to leave and the second man grabs her.
"Hey, I'm not going to let you go until I get a wish too."
"Fine," she said, "What do you want?" "I want my IQ tripled."
So she triples his IQ and he goes off solving
all these problems and mathmatical equations.
"I suppose you want a wish too?" the mermaid said to the last man.
"You bet I do, I want my IQ timed by 10!"
"Ummm I don't think you do," said the mermaid.
"It'll change your whole aspect on life."
And although she tried to talk him out of it, that's what he wanted.
So she gave him his wish and *POOF* He turned into a woman! 
|
| December 27, 2005, 17:38 |
|
bignasty
53 / male
Elko, Nevada, US
|
Re: Re: Need to Smile?
QUOTE (pepper @ December 11, 2005, 16:32)what do you call 5000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
a good START!
Ba dum dum (thankyouverymuch)
What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Not enough SAND!
 Pepper oh how i love your .....  I missed you and thank you for your oh so kind words when I was down...we must get together one day for a latte' at starbucks 
|
| December 28, 2005, 00:53 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Jacknjill143
Good one, will post more later,keep smiling!!
|
| December 28, 2005, 16:35 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Nymphomaniacs of America
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized
she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a
conversation he blurted out,
"Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said,"Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago ."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my
personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality ."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well, she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are
the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American
Indianwho is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually
it is the men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is
the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't
even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said,"Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
|
| January 3, 2006, 09:06 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Rachel and Lena, two blondes, were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."
Rachel says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from her coffee.
The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."
Again Rachel says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from her coffee.
Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power goes out without Rachel getting get the rest of the instructions.
She turns to Lena and says, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?"
And Lena replies "Aw, Rachel, just leave the car in the garage today."
|
| January 3, 2006, 09:07 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped
into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
|
| January 3, 2006, 09:10 |
|
darkmark666
52 / male
millville, New Jersey, US
|
Re: Need to Smile?
|
| January 3, 2006, 09:55 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Need to Smile?
Jack says he is changing his name to Tonto Goldstein...
|
| January 3, 2006, 12:08 |
|
|
