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it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
actual reviews taken from a popular shopping website for the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! March 3, 2011
By SW3K
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.
Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.
Saved my marriage July 30, 2012
By Mrs Toledo
What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!
Makes a Great GIFT!
By Uncle Pookie
Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better.
Ordering one for my nephew who's in the air force in California. He's been using an old slinky to slice his banana's. He should really enjoy this product!
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| February 5, 2013, 03:29 |
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JenTX
47 / female
East, Texas, US
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Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
A slinky! That would work. lol
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| February 5, 2013, 03:53 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
QUOTE (MnJTX @ February 5, 2013, 03:53)A slinky! That would work. lol
If those products can sweep and mop my floors, Im in. I want that bad boy.
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| February 5, 2013, 04:02 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
HA! Those things crack me up. Especially when they demonstrate the problem that their "product" cures. I cant even count all the gadgets I've seen that is a better way to cook and pour pastas. I make spaghetti 4-5 times a week. Sometimes for just me, sometimes for a lot of people. I can promise you, never once have I burned myself and dropped the pot on the floor or missed the colander and spilled half of it in the sink.
There's another one for a hard boiled egg slicer where they show the person trying to slice it with a knife and squash the egg. I'm sorry, but even with severe Parkinson's disease, that would be hard to have happen. But with this little miracle, simply set the egg in the base and push down and you have a perfect, evenly sliced egg EVERY TIME! Wow. If a person was to buy each of these gadgets for their kitchens, they'd need 2 more kitchens just to store all this crap.
The Forever Comfy is one of the most idiotic sales pitches I've ever seen. It might be the best product ever invented. But the pitch at the end where they have the tough guy looking truck driver attesting, "With Forever Comfy, my back feels food and (reaching back and putting his hand on his ass cheek) my bottom feels good". I know a lot of truck drivers and I promise you, none of them talk like that. I'm sure he's not the most popular guy at the truck stops. Or maybe he is......
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| February 5, 2013, 13:03 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
"The Forever Comfy is one of the most idiotic sales pitches I've ever seen. It might be the best product ever invented. But the pitch at the end where they have the tough guy looking truck driver attesting, "With Forever Comfy, my back feels food and (reaching back and putting his hand on his ass cheek) my bottom feels good". I know a lot of truck drivers and I promise you, none of them talk like that. I'm sure he's not the most popular guy at the truck stops. Or maybe he is"......
Yup, I know the ad. That's what he gets for driving a small 6 wheeler. should upgrade to a better truck.  Then again, perhaps he's related to the driver that use to do the Preperation H ads. "Thanks to y ou good buddy"
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| February 5, 2013, 13:24 |
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GG317
60 / male
Bowl of Granola, Massachusetts, US
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Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
Imagine, all the sleepless mornings I've been up standing there with my cup of joe, staring at the bunch of bananas, wondering, "How in the world am I gonna cut that banana for cereal this morning? Where in the heck is that banana knife? Damn!..Maybe I should of just stayed in bed!..." Now I don't have to wonder anymore. This will definitely make my day go a bit easier, knowing my banana was sliced evenly and with little effort. Now if someone would invent the particle accelerator, so I could get to work in the amount of time it would take me to say, "What's for lunch?" my life would be complete...
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| February 5, 2013, 15:39 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
I don't understand ANY man that wants his banana sliced.
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| February 5, 2013, 18:47 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
QUOTE (MnJTX @ February 5, 2013, 03:53)A slinky! That would work. lol
Kiss needs one for Valentine's Day.
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| February 5, 2013, 22:53 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: Re: Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
QUOTE (kamarel @ February 5, 2013, 22:53) QUOTE (MnJTX @ February 5, 2013, 03:53)A slinky! That would work. lol
Kiss needs one for Valentine's Day.
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| February 6, 2013, 01:36 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
How did I get involved?
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| February 6, 2013, 02:45 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: it dices, it slices...and other wacky product reviews...
Hey we put a lot of work into producing those crappy infomercials, I mean great infomercials....
In reality you can't blame the commercial or the product designer if people are stupid enough to buy an egg cracker that warns you to be cautious not to crack the egg while putting it in the egg cracker.I personally think that's the most moronic product out there. How hard is it to crack an egg for gods sake. Its harder to not crack it than crack it.
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| February 6, 2013, 03:42 |
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