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NatalieSimpson
32 / female
New York, California, US
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Wondering
How do I get over my feelings of insecurities of not being good enough in bed?
I've been with my current boyfriend for a year. Very serious. My last boyfriend of a few years ago it ended put his needs before mine.
The last boyfriend was disrespectful in many ways. He made comments of other women being attractive in front of me.
Both are unemployed but Current Boyfriend is actively looking for work. The Disrespectful Ex watched TV all day until his unemployment checks ran out.
current Boyfriend told me: if he knows I'm visiting, he doesn't masturbate & prefers me.
The ex (whom I'm ashamed of) would masturbate so much, he would ignore my sexual needs. I was with the ex in a bad time in life. I ate out of his roommates refrigerator because it was my means of eating.
My Current Boyfriend says: I'm good in bed, I'm very sexy & he loves me.
There are very rare scenarios that Current Boyfriend "ran out of energy & can't have sex with me". And even if he does, he still makes me orgasm.
But on those rare occasions, I am reminded of that Loser Ex.
current boyfriend & I have sex 6-10 times a week. He's happy that I exercise more to speed up my sex drive. With the ex, it was once a week & he SAYS he masturbate 5 times a day.
Even though my Current bf is very genuine & seems to want me more than porn, how do I get over how the ex made me feel?
The ex never asked for sex. I was the beggar. My Current bf begs me. The ex would make me get off to porn (I enjoy that too) and lie in bed, his back faced to me.
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| November 19, 2012, 23:22 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Wondering
I would go by what your current bf says.
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| November 19, 2012, 23:53 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: Wondering
Sounds like you definitley upgraded to a better model of guy, don't let a ex boyfriend that would rather spank his monkey, then play with you ,hang you up.
There is a disorder , that manifests itself to chronic pornography viewers, where they would rather pleasure themselves with x-rated material, than have sex with a real person, I don't remember what it is called, and there are others on this site that could fill you in on that. One of the products of this behaviour, is degrading your signifcant others sexual confidence, and self esteem, giving them the human interaction, or company we all need, but not taking their sexual needs into consideration, and stripping their self worth away, so you enable them to continue their behaviour, while he is ignoring YOUR needs, only to pleasure himself.. He'll do just about anything to jerk off, no matter what the consequences, and it wouldn't matter if he had a room full of Victoria Secret models, to choose from, instead of trying to get laid , the only thing that he would consider is hiding in the corner , and pulling his wire.
You then ,start to feel unattractive, and that you may not matter....and it becomes a vicious circle of low self esteem, and denial, as your drawn,..slowly.. into his self centred behaviour.
It seems you have found a man that takes your needs and emotions into consideration,...to him you matter, and he is not that couch potato , back turning ex, to him it seems, from what you've posted here....that you matter, try to focus on that.
They are in fact two different people
...and for the record, your a very attractive young lady, and I believe that a real man , would choose you over porn in a heartbeat.
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| November 20, 2012, 03:41 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Wondering
The insecurities belong to your ex not you, his insecurites are what motivated him to behave like that.
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| November 20, 2012, 12:20 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Wondering
What the above said. It sounds to me that the guy you're ccurrently with is a rare breed.[in a good way]
There's far too many like your ex out there. Unfortunately, how he is had a bad effect on you.
Try talking about it with your current bf. Talk to someone about it. A freind perhaps?
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| November 20, 2012, 13:00 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: Re: Wondering
QUOTE (Chazzy @ November 20, 2012, 12:20)The insecurities belong to your ex not you, his insecurites are what motivated him to behave like that.
Exactally !!
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| November 20, 2012, 17:13 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Wondering
The ex is a tool. If the current one begs you for sex, what could you possibly be doing wrong?
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| November 20, 2012, 17:46 |
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hornybastd32
43 / male
Niskayuna, New York, US
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Re: Wondering
The rest of the responders have given you lots of good advice. I'd just like to add that having sex up to 10 times a week should stand on its own as a testament to how often and how much your current boyfriend desires you. I would not be at all surprised if on occasion he hasn't got the energy to have sex with you. You wore the poor boy out! (Virtual High Five to him.) And then, even when he's too tired to take personal advantage of your gorgeous body, he still considers you and makes sure you get off. (Second VHF for that one.) I'd say he cares about you very much and wants you past the point that he's physically able to sustain. Those are glowing recommendations for your sex indeed. If ever you want sex and he's not up for it, try inserting that though into the situation, that he's so into you, he's worn himself out and needs to recharge for more of your hot sweet lovin'. 
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| November 20, 2012, 18:25 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Wondering
QUOTE (freensleazy @ November 20, 2012, 17:46)The ex is a tool. If the current one begs you for sex, what could you possibly be doing wrong?
I disagree. Tools are useful.
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| November 20, 2012, 20:15 |
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