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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Correct behavior or no ones business?
OK so I had a debate with my daughter yesterday about what is acceptable behavior during certain things.
For example:
A person comes to school who is gay . He happens to be very "flamboyant". He dresses in women's clothing and acts in a way that many people would say "invites" attention..Now people react.Some people stare, some laugh, some make comments like "wow, he's over the top". Then there are a few people that make very negative comments about being gay , or tell him he should not be "allowed to dress and act that way" at school.They even call him names.
So the issues are.... Is there blame on both sides? Do people that act extreme in any way that draws attention bring on some attention and would they be unreasonable to expect people not to stare, say things and voice their opinions? When do the comments, and actions of the people reacting cross from acceptable to unacceptable?
I used gay as the example but I can use others as well. The issue of people raising their children and weather to vaccinate or not, breast feed or not and for how long, co-sleeping, home schooling, spanking or not spanking ,etc.
How about strong political or religious beliefs. Some people feel that voicing and even pushing religious beliefs are not only OK but something they are supposed to do as part of their religion.
The Fifty Shades of Grey brought a whole bunch of people out of the woodwork on opposing sides regarding pornography and what is pornography or even "acceptable" reading material as well as acceptable sexual behavior.
Lets face it we all have our things that we judge people on even if we don't want to admit it. What I think is normal you might think is strange and it can be in reverse as well. Where should we draw the line? What are some of the crazy arguments that might have happened in your local news that we might not have heard about. Do you have an opinion on some of the subjects I listed? PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL IN YOUR OPINION OR DON'T POST IT. There are times when we have different opinions but can still respect each other.
For the record the debate that my daughter and I had was interesting. She felt that no matter how flamboyant someone was no one has the right to say anything or do anything to him or about him. I feel that if you do something publicly that is so out of the "normal" behavior, then you should expect people to react. That doesn't mean I feel people have the right to be abusive in anyway and there is a definite line that can be crossed. But people are just as entitled to disagree with your choices and voice them as publicly as you do. Extreme behaviors are usually displayed to get a reaction.She felt that argument is like saying if a girl dresses sexy then she invites being raped.I don't agree.
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| September 6, 2012, 21:01 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
When it comes to high school aged kids....leave them the fuck alone I say. Time to check ones own behavior, why do we need to say anything negative to a high schooler?
Hey, pretty safe to say...we were all a bit emo in high school, we didn't have a fully formed brain or hormone/chemical balance yet either. I'm sure we remember ourselves differently but yeah, we were all a bit emo. It's just biology.
The brain is a computer, only living one's life can write the program.
Leave kids alone, maybe he's gay , maybe he's attention seeking, maybe he's just very confused...all that matters is that he is a kid and should not be "bullied" by adults and if he wants to wear dresses then I do hope he has supportive parents/family to see him through his decisions
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| September 6, 2012, 22:09 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
Honestly, I tell him to try to stay low on the radar. The consequences could get ugly. He might be up for the challenge, but at that level its going to come. Likely will follow him until he finds a place that accepts him as is.
We currently had a situation at work. One of my coworkers had an operation to remove some melanoma from his head. Frankly, he looks like Dr Frankenstein did the surgery. He was in the lunch room and one of the ladies asked him to leave because she was losing her appetite. Understandably he was pissed. I get her reaction, but think if she had issues she should have not said anything and moved.
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| September 6, 2012, 22:39 |
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Liberalwife
47 / female
north, England, UK
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
No-ones business and pure nonesense!!! 
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| September 6, 2012, 23:15 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
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| September 6, 2012, 23:26 |
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Liberalwife
47 / female
north, England, UK
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
"acceptable" term will never be thoroughly defined...just tbh honest newbie...for me personally, your posts are tooooooooooo long ! Just saying.
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| September 6, 2012, 23:34 |
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thechunkyone
35 / male
elizabeth, New Jersey, US
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
if you act extreme in an attention sense we cal that an attention whore. now if he wasn't looking for the attention i could care less. I never judge anyone on sexual preference. you could be w/e i have no problem being a friend and all.
those that are making negative comments about it though just need to as we say stfu and explain to him that what he is doing doesn't support anyone's cause and just makes him look bad.
edit: i say someone should tell him cuz they're people that judge one as many. i been there and one of my best friends didn't likes black got to know me and how i struggle to help even though he spoke a different langue and respected me. (didn't find out till like 2 years after we met.
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| September 7, 2012, 01:30 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
QUOTE (Liberalwife @ September 6, 2012, 23:34)"acceptable" term will never be thoroughly defined...just tbh honest newbie...for me personally, your posts are tooooooooooo long ! Just saying.
Liberal as I have said many times. I know my posts are long . You have the option to not read them. It does not offend me in any way.
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| September 7, 2012, 01:36 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
Chazzy I understand what you are saying about the high school kids. I am happy to report we had a boy in our school that did cross dress to an extreme. He even showed up in a wedding dress. The nice thing was he didn't really have much of an issue. I am happy to say most of the kids did protect him for lack of a better way of putting it. I think most kids that are exposed to different lifestyles are more excepting.I can't say there were never any comments but it did not escalate to abuse.It did open a conversation up in the school. I think it was used as a teaching moment in life.
That's was the point of the post when is it appropriate and what should be expected? Do you really think that people will not look, make faces , be shocked or make comments when they see something that in their mind they find extreme, or offensive or wrong or right for that matter. Like I said, apply it to something else. Would you say something if you saw a person spank there 5 year old in a store because the child misbehaved? Or what if you saw a women breast feeding a 6 year old in public?
Keeping in mind, people on here are probably more open minded than most people you come across in your average small town mall.
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| September 7, 2012, 01:49 |
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wandering5tar
53 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
I think this comes down to the difference between "being" and "choosing".
If someone is born disabled (or gay /black/Jewish/whatever) then there is no choice involved and it is morally wrong for others to persecute or harass them for that.
However, if someone chooses to behave in a particular way that is different to that societies current norms then they should expect to attract attention; presumably that is why they are doing it!! Sometimes that attention is positive (wow, look at him/her!) and sometimes negative (what a tit!). Occasionally the negative attention can tip over into abuse or physical harm which is clearly against our current Western Society norms and we have laws to protect against it.
This true at many levels. Celebrities/politicians love photo opportunities to promote their new book/film or new policy initiative but turn on the media if they "pry" into their private lives. You can't eat your cake and have it!
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| September 7, 2012, 09:03 |
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onehornee
64 / male
69'sDevine, Michigan, US
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
I have Mixed feelings on this topic,While I consider myself colorblind(have friends from many races).It has taken me longer in my life to understand gender related differences in people,and Its a work in progress.
Strange traits sometimes make me step back and ponder them in confusion and or amazement.Alot better then the old days when I would shake my head and say WTF is that anyways..I don't take aggressive actions towards those I don't understand,But I does take me off guard sometimes.
Coming from a rural lifestyle with what I would consider a normal youth,Wanting to have sex with the farmers daughter in the hay barn all the time.My first encounter with same sex wanting to sleep with same sex,took me by surprise big time.Likewise Seeing one sex dress like the other was a shocker for me too.First time I seen a trans at a bar with what I considered a perfect ass,shook me good to find out I was looking at a guys ass.That Dude did look like a lady,and was I ever happy I didn't try to put the moves on Him,or Her or whatever it would like to be known as.Personally it took years for me to be able to say these things in the next Paragraph.
Whatever trips your trigger,its all good.We all have our kinks that make us who we are,I have mine,you have yours.I may not understand yours and I don't expect you to understand mine.I'm OK with yours don't give me shit over mine..
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| September 8, 2012, 14:31 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
Thats pretty much what I was struggling to say as well One....this world is big enough for all different views....as long as your not hurting nobody, who really gives a flying shit.In high school there were plenty of different, or whatever , kids, and they'd get picked on by the "bullies", I used to get my kicks by watching them for a week or two, pick on these individuals, then I'd wrap that bullies head around a post. I realize now that may have been the wrong approach, but its result was I had the "different " kids kinda hanging around me, for protection or whatever, and I realized nobody should have to live in fear, for how they are identified, and really, the word "acceptable" is an ever changing thing.
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| September 8, 2012, 14:57 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
I like most wish we lived in a world of acceptance. Obviously we don't. The world has wars over religious and political differences all the time. I do think there is some hope when I see my kids and their friends but then I hear about families who through their kid out because they found out they were bisexual. I'm sure these are things that wont be resolved in our life time.
I don't understand why people get so threatened by someone having a different opinion. Why can't they just have a live and let live attitude. So many people get angry over a magazine cover with a women breast feeding her 4 year old son. The issue is still hot. But what most people argue about is that the 4 year old would be ridiculed.However if we as a society didn't judge the fact that the mother chose to do this because she felt it was best for her child then there would be no issue for the child.I think if someone does something that is in no way hurting someone else and not forced then we should just let it go.
I understand being shocked or surprised by something you have never been exposed to. That's normal. But that doesn't mean you can hurt someone because you don't understand it. I think that is the difference with people who are the abusers vs those who are the curios or someone who stares. All we can do is hope that it gets better.
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| September 8, 2012, 22:59 |
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GG317
60 / male
Bowl of Granola, Massachusetts, US
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Re: Correct behavior or no ones business?
I had this whole thing written down, but after reading what I wrote I deleted it. It was way too long and would have gotten me barred from this forum. All I'll say is it's a matter of what happens when, "Political Correctness" is allowed to run a-muck. It allows small minded groups to allow to instil their sense of morality on everyone else. Something so simple, as to give titles to people, making them feel more important about themselves has morphed into this. A small group of folks can say, that women who breast feed, gays being flamboyant, and/or people doing something that is fine by the rest of society is bad. They have way too much say in how we live. For years I've been calling the trash-guy by my title not the, "Solid Waste Receptacle Retrieving Technician" they want me to call him. This small minority is by definition the, "Philgrims" I know it seems that I misspelled that word, but I did it on purpose. They like titles, so I gave them one on me. Philgrims are pilgrims of old, with all the morality and fear they had instilled, plus the influence they have in positions of power to make us see their position and accept it blindly as the norm of everyone. I will not fall for their tricks anymore. When I see a flamboyantly gay man, I may laugh, hell I will laugh, loudly! It's my right. If he wears his gay pride on his sleeve and doesn't think my joking comments will be thrown about, it's his problem not mine or yours. If a woman dresses sexy, I may stare, I may cat-call, or I may ignore them all together, but I don't have to be one way or the other by what everyone thinks I should be or act!
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| September 9, 2012, 17:23 |
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