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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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What would you do if......
So I went shopping at Costco and ran into an old boyfriend. I mean from way back......I was a teenager, he was in his twenties. We always got along great and just drifted. We stayed friends but lost touch as time went on. Every 10-15 years it seems I run into him. Actually this time it was 17-18 years because I remember being pregnant with my daughter the last time I saw him. So we started chatting. But the whole time I was thinking ' I really want to thank you for something but I am not sure how you would take it.'
So here it is. As I've said I have been so incredibly lucky. All my first sexual experiences were great. I really credit the guys I was with for being do understanding and great about making those experiences so memorable for me. I have heard horror stories from so many women and realize I lucked out.
The guy I ran into was the first guy to ever go down in me. He woke me up like that. To say it was mind blowing is an understatement. So I kind of always wanted to thank all the guys that were so great. There was my chance and I just couldn't do it. I just thought the photo counter at Costco would not be the place to bring that up after 35+years. And definitely didn't know how he would take me saying " Hey I always wanted to thank you for going down on me and being so good at it. I have loved it ever since then".
So what would you do if someone said something like that to you or if you had the opportunity to say something like that to an ex? I have a list if guys I really want to do this type of thing with. I have only been able to do it with one. That was the guy the who taught me to suck cock and enjoy it and also made me a member of the mile high club. But I could say anything to that guy. The other guys that were my firsts I just don't know that well anymore.
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| July 11, 2012, 13:25 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: What would you do if......
Being a guy, and trying not to sound too trite; I'd just advise you to forget the idea. Seriously, not important or shouldn't be. If this one was great at oral or that one taught you something else, it should really only matter if they were still your partners today. But they aren't. So remember what good you enjoyed at the time, but move on is my thoughts. You don't drive your car by constantly looking in the rear view mirror, you gotta keep looking forward. If any time should have been used to express thank you's etc. then that time is gone.
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| July 11, 2012, 14:04 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Yea, I think if you couldn't do it, it pretty much tells you everything.
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| July 11, 2012, 17:00 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Maybe I didn't express what I really wanted to get across to the guys. I didn't want to thank them for giving me an orgasm. I think they all got that part when it happened. What my thought was , was that they should know that being a nice guy really mattered in someones life. So many guys get bashed for being jerks. Especially at a young age with young women. I have heard so many horror stories as I have said. I wanted to let them know that because they were so thoughtful I think it made a big difference in the way I view men and sex in general. I have had the chance to say it to the one guy and he seemed to really appreciate knowing that.
Wouldn't you want someone from your past to tell you that even when you were young you really were a great guy. When so many times in our life if you do something wrong someone will point it out. I know many men have said they felt inadequate or maybe thought they didn't do something right or treated someone not as nice as they should have. I believe you shouldn't only state the bad but the good as well. Isn't there someone in your life that you felt did make a difference that you would like to thank them for and let them know they were appreciated.
It really wasn't that I chickened out it really was more the time and place that made me not say anything. If we were in a place that was a bit more private I would have diffidently said something. Although this guy is a bit conservative so of all the guys he would be the one I would have to word it carefully.I know the guy that I lost my virginity to would so be up to hearing that he made it a really nice experience for me.It's nice knowing someone cared about me even at that young age and it wasn't about getting laid for any of them.
These days I am mature enough to understand how important those great moments are. Having a partner that is understanding is a great. I appreciate him and express my feeling all the time to him.
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| July 11, 2012, 20:05 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: What would you do if......
No Newbie I understood your point, and I liked Kiss' thoughts too. But I stick with what I first said. I think the time has passed. Remember your memories you want to keep from the experience; but saying anything else is long passed and should just quietly be put to rest. Nothing needs to be told to anyone.
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| July 12, 2012, 03:49 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: What would you do if......
I so agree Dark, I wouldn't want that to happen to me, I would not want ex-lovers approaching me and saying anything about our sexual history.
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| July 12, 2012, 12:47 |
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thechunkyone
35 / male
elizabeth, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
they called ex's for a reason. ^_^
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| July 12, 2012, 13:25 |
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onehornee
64 / male
69'sDevine, Michigan, US
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Re: Re: What would you do if......
QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 12, 2012, 12:47)I so agree Dark, I wouldn't want that to happen to me, I would not want ex-lovers approaching me and saying anything about our sexual history.
yea I agree,unless your looking to rekindle it could get funky real easy..
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| July 12, 2012, 16:48 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
I guess because I stayed friends with almost every guy I ever dated and we have from time to time talked about things like our sex lives I feel differently. I wouldn't just say "hey I hunted you down to tell you you were the best lover I ever had." lol No, in fact most of them weren't even close to the best lover I ever had.
When I was able to talk to one guy about it it was a good thing. He already knew I thought it was great that he taught me the things he did but, he didn't know how I felt about the way I think it affected my life in a positive way. He was really proud of that.
We talked about how so many women talk about how badly they were treated by men when they were younger. He said he always tried to be a nice guy and always felt that his partner was important and it wasn't about just him getting off. So,he took it as a compliment.
Don't any of you have ex's you stayed friends with? Don't you have ever talk about sex with your friends? I do and I assumed most do. The only reason I haven't seen some of these guys is because we have moved away from each other and drifted apart and one passed away.
Ex's aren't always ex's because of something negative. And talking about our past doesn't mean you want to rekindle anything. My friends and I chat about all kinds of things. I am friends with one of Kam's ex's and she and I have had discussions about sex and she has made comments about Kam here or there and I know she is not trying to rekindle anything. She is in a happy relationship with someone else.
So, lets say I used to date you Sybian. I remained friends with you but lost touch for a few years. I run into you and we start to chat. If I said to you. "By the way, there is something I have always really wanted to say to you.I just want you to know that when we were together, as you know, I was very young and inexperienced. I just want to say thank you. You really were very nice to me and were so patient. Now that I'm much older I realized how important that time in my life was and I think partially because of you, I have a healthier view of men, relationships and sex in general." Do you really mean to say that you would be bothered by that?
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| July 12, 2012, 17:53 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Ya know, I keep thinking I'm gonna stay out of this, however, it's not my strong point.
Newbie, it could be a little creepy, but you feel you know this guy well enough. Newbie, you say he is conservative, you haven't seen him in 17-18 years, people do change.
Oh, and strong point I don't have, keeping my mouth shut!
The one I slept with when I was 16, he brings it up at times saying "sweet sixteen". It doesn't bother me, but he is married now, so technically, we are walking a fine line. I think he actually has some guilty feelings. And, on a side note, he doesn't have the recollection we were six years apart, he thought it was only two.... ahhh, but that was his brother, the rapist.
Both are fathers now. We grow, we change, but that didn't stop from sending him a note expressing my feelings, and letting him know I hope his little girl will always be safe from such attacts. Inappropriate on my part? Maybe?!!!
I told another friend, a guy I was involved with who knows him well, what I had done. He said, "No, you did not."
"Yes, I did."
He said, "That's what I always liked about you, you're honest, you tell it like it is."
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| July 12, 2012, 19:28 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: What would you do if......
Ok, I'm the resident Vampire here so I'll take another bite at this topic. I doubt I can say anything new, but let me re-package my points and stance on what's been said in this thread. Men and Women are wired differently in so many ways, we know this. And just as they say never discuss religion or politics unless you want controversy and arguments . For ME and I'm speaking just ME alone, I'd add sexual intimacy to that list. Now let me clarify: I believe in personal privacy. I respect people that way, and expect the same. If a discussion on sex and intimate times and acts is going to take place in which I am personally involved, it's happening only with me and my partner at the time. Nobody wants baggage brought into a situation, nor does THIS GUY want to know such things are thought about or discussed long after those relationships end. When it's over it's over!! Don't let it swell into more than it is or was. I can't believe anyone would want to share with an ex about past intimate moments. Maybe some females do. I doubt any guys do. And the horrible harsh realities that still prevail in our society today, if a guy wants to share publicly about those experiences ..... Do you not think 9 out of 10 times that public declaration is on some restroom wall or stall. To me seeing "she's great at giving head, along with the woman's name and number; would be just as uneasy and uninvited as being approached by an ex for a non warranted intimate conversation.
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| July 12, 2012, 20:16 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Ah...I agree with you If I would do it the way you put it Dark.Kiss the thing you are talking about is a whole different thing . Kiss I would always be in the guys face if he raped me. I would never let him live peacefully in this world. But that's me...
Dark, what you are talking about is not the same thing as I said.I would never do what you said. I DID NOT say anything to the guy I ran into after 17 years. As I said it was a wrong place wrong time kind of thing. However if I did get to chat with him in a different environment then I don't see the problem. I have done it with one other guy and it was not a problem at all . He really felt good about knowing how I felt. Especially during a time when he was going through a divorce and was starting to doubt if he was a good guy.You know what they say, If someone says something about you enough times you start to believe it no mater what it is.
That's not what I'm saying as I explained. The other thing is I do talk about sex with ex's on a regular basis and have never had a problem with it. It is no different than talking to my women friends about sex except that when it comes to the women we have not had the experience of sleeping together so those details are not discuses. But when I had my ex say "I always thought you were passionate" or anything about our sex life I don't not get upset unless it was in an inappropriate setting like in front of my children or my other family member's that I would not ever talk about my sex life in front of.
I think what you are saying is more like me meeting an ex and saying "Hey I just want you to know I think about you all the time and can't forget that moment we had. I still get hot thinking about you." LMAO That is so not what I mean. The reason I think I remember all of them at all is because they were my firsts or teachers of certain things. So when I do think about it or discuss it with friends it does lead back to a "Wasn't I lucky" moment in my head.
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| July 12, 2012, 22:36 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Then do it!
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| July 13, 2012, 03:11 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
I did with one person as I said.
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| July 13, 2012, 04:21 |
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thechunkyone
35 / male
elizabeth, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
tried to extend friendship but they never accept. aint my lost though.
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| July 13, 2012, 04:25 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Chunky, sometimes you just need to give them time to get past the hurt feeling . I find then it gets easier to be friends. I also think it's harder for younger people in many cases. Although I have always stayed friends. I still chat with guys I dated when I was in my teens. I even get together with some on occasion as friends. I think once the women know you wont be trying to stay friends so you can have a friends with benefits thing they will be more open to the friendship .I think it's great if you can stay friends and remember there must have been something nice about the person to start with or you would not have been attracted to them. Just remember if you do stay friends and get into a new relationship be careful not to lie about the friendship or sneak around. That's when the new woman start to get pissed about you still seeing old girlfriends.If you are honest there is no threat and open there is no threat or suspicious that there is something going on with your ex.Also remember there are some you just cant stay friends with.
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| July 13, 2012, 04:43 |
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thechunkyone
35 / male
elizabeth, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
been 5 years and they even showed some hostility to my friends like a 1 or so after and honestly i was a mess but never was that way to their friends. she herself did it. if you don't see the person for so long and they expect you to wait i don't even know how long it's just not worth it. i understand she was nervous about parents meeting but i didn't see her in so long communication had stopped and seriously when you a guy like me in this town finding someone compatible is like finding common sense. I was a wreck for about 2years, yet still tried to get on that horse called relationship. anyway the past is the past.
I'm doing a long distance one and i mean there's a good amount of communication in it. might have to get a second job though part time for a few months just to head down there.
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| July 13, 2012, 12:50 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: What would you do if......
Chunky...you're young, you're worth it, you have much to be appreciated...it will happen for you.
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| July 13, 2012, 13:40 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: Re: What would you do if......
QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 13, 2012, 13:40)Chunky...you're young, you're worth it, you have much to be appreciated...it will happen for you.
I agree with Chazzy , long distance is tough most of the time, and it takes a great deal of patience, just hang in there bud.....and Newbs, I went to a funeral of a cowboy I knew once, and every girlfriend he had in his lifetime showed up, and that was something everyone noticed , including me, most of my ex's have remained somewhat friendly, and I'll see them from time to time, and the odd one will have a compliment or two for me, and it's always nice to hear, but sometimes not for the current girl your with..I think discretion is the key, if you just run into a ex you never know what their current situation is.
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| July 13, 2012, 17:12 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Sybian I agree.I would not be stupid or disrespectful to ever just blurt something out and of course not in front of a current partner for that person. The exception would be if I was in the type of friendship with the new partner that we might have discussed things like that. I will grant you most women from what I have been told and have seen are not as honest or as open as I am.I also have common sense which I also seen to find is not so common. Like anything else there is a time and place to approach things.
I feel it's childish to be jealous, catty, or play games, especially people trying to be something they are not. I didn't like it even when I was younger, that's just not me. I would rather be upfront with people. I feel that is why I have been able to stay friends with so many ex's.Upfront does not mean RUDE. I have found some don't know the difference.
Chunky you are so young I don't think you can even comprehend how much life you still have in front of you. You can't force a relationship. It just happens most times, then you nurture it.You sound like a nice guy . Don't believe that nice guys finish last. Real women like nice guys .You will meet the right person for you at some point. Right now you have so many other things to focus on.Enjoy life.
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| July 13, 2012, 22:52 |
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thechunkyone
35 / male
elizabeth, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
i never said i was trying to force something but 2 years of doping behind parents back kind of dating can't keep doing that. you don't see them for so long and it's not worth keeping it going. also i only remember big details of it cuz yea over it.
also i think my talk about 2 different relationships got mixed up. the long distance one is going ALOT better. I'm thinking of getting a second job so i can get over to see her. funny thing is we both dislike long distance and i think it's the longest one either one of us did.
Also I know I'm young.... let me rephrase that. i understand i'm young but the way life have treated me I have a mind set of someone MUCH older than me. and since i got my car i finally have freedom to pretty much go where ever. <--been driving for about 2-3 months so yea major milestone)
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| July 14, 2012, 05:14 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Sounds like things are progressing well for you. Having a car does give you a lot more independence. Although I used to would in Elizabeth, and must be a bitch to find parking.lol
As for long distance relationships they can be difficult but they can work. I speak from experience. Hopefully you are enjoying all life has to offer you at your age. Its amazing how fast time goes. I know I look at my kids and am shocked how quickly they seemed to go from kids to adults and my two oldest are now in serious relationships. Its so nice to see the progression and see them happy. I wish you the same.
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| July 14, 2012, 19:12 |
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thechunkyone
35 / male
elizabeth, New Jersey, US
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Re: What would you do if......
Thanks I wish the best to you as well in everything you do. Also the parking yea it was ok when I was younger but now they building 3-4 family houses and some people with drive ways (happened b4) park on the street. I have to park a block away sometimes (a short distance)
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| July 16, 2012, 14:06 |
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