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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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coplimented or creeped out?
O.k. so I know I'm setting myself up for a well deserved ribbing here but here goes....about 6 or 7 months ago a very nice young couple approached me in private,and asked if I would be willing to donate my DNA ,so they may have a child. Naturally my response was surprise,and then I asked "why me?" They had reasons of their own ,and informed me that ,they had both agreed they couldn't afford a clinical impregnation,but would still do it artificially, so to speak. After a bit of uncomfortable kicking at the dirt with my hands in my back pockets,I said I would think on it, and never responded. Like I said that was half a year ago, and I ran into them at a party last week....upon going outside to light a cigar the wife cornered me and brought it up again. So my question to you all is ......WTF ? In this small community,with all the big mouths around should I actually consider this? I informed her I was a hands on kinda guy, and not real interested in artificial anything. but she ignored that rather rude comment ,and persisted..now these people are not close friends, just a couple that I know casually, but what if I run into them in town with my kid, how will I deal with that? I certainly can't talk to anyone around here about it ...so I would appreciate your input, male and female,.....and try to keep your jokes to a minimum, I know I have it coming from how I pick on you all in the past... but I'm kinda freaked out
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| June 30, 2012, 21:46 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
I wouldn't advise anyone to do this in that way to be honest.
So many things down the road could go so wrong with the pregnancy, the child, their marriage, you getting involved in child support.
There are ways out there for people to do this and yes I know they cost, but if they can't afford the procedure how can they afford to raise a child afterward.
Heartbreak central and you seem like too nice and guy with too open a heart just to ignore the fact that a child of yours was wandering about right in front of you
But, purely my opinion and not meant to offend anyone who has done this, as I know for some it does work
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| June 30, 2012, 22:01 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
I'll leave all the jokes for a different thread.Boo one can say if you should or should not do thud. You should also not let someone pressure you into something so personal and important. I personally think you should feel complemented but that doesn't mean its right for you.
Its great that people have options these days. There is so much to consider. Of course if you could deal with this emotionally is just part of it. The child might also have the knowledge at some point that you are his biological father. There are legalities and details like if you would have any contact or responsibilities. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.But keep in mind you could also be giving this couple a gift like no other and if all things can be worked out, I would bet they would feel like you are a God to them. But the choice must be made with all the clarity and knowledge you can possibly gain.Don't ever do something like this for the wrong reasons.This is a bell that can not be unrung.
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| June 30, 2012, 22:15 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
I have to agree with odie on this. Too manh potential problems.
Other than that, if SHE corners you again, just tell her to take off her pants and bend over. 
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| June 30, 2012, 23:23 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
I think Josie said it all.
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| July 1, 2012, 13:10 |
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GG317
60 / male
Bowl of Granola, Massachusetts, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
I know someone who is going through the whole ordeal and he's just fine. He set the whole thing up through his lawyer so nothing can backlash on him. It's kind of neat. He set it up so he gets a photo of his biological offspring every year on their birthday. I believe his lawyer gets any correspondence and forwards it to him, so his secrecy stays intact until the child turns 21. Then they can meet each other, but only if the child wants it. As far as the family history goes, he said that was worked out awhile ago. He has the option to ignore any birth defects without complication. So if the kid needs a kidney, marrow,etc., he doesn't have to do anything, not that he wouldn't be a "save-the-day-donate-for life-dad." If your thinking of doing it, check it out with legal aide or a lawyer first...
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| July 1, 2012, 14:38 |
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ashkats
65 / couple
crystal falls, Michigan, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
lots of food for thought here and kinda creeps ya out,I'd check it out deeply legally, ya don't want to be come a target for child support
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| July 1, 2012, 14:57 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
Sorry I was posting from my Kindle so the spelling was worse than normal...It was supposed to say: No one can say if you should or should not do this.
Its so important to look at it from everyone's point including the potential child. It doesn't make you a bad guy if you can't or don't want to do this. It is a serious life commitment even if you have no contact. You will always wonder and every time you see a kid that "Looks like you" it will be harder to deal with. Then add in that you are in a small community. Lets say you have another child about the same time. What happens if they go to the same school or start dating and you have to wonder is that my kid? You have an added issue being in a small community.
My ex-husband had a kid with someone else who is six months older than our youngest daughter. I have had some of these issue come up. It can be very difficult! Even when you find out and know who the kid is. It became a huge legal matter in our case and effected my daughter very badly and has taken years to overcome much of it. Again I'm playing devils advocate here but there are some people that work out all this and it's a great thing. But you should know the good and the bad. The good is easy to understand. It's the unexpected things in life that throw those plans into a tail spin. Like what if they divorce? There are many that have been through this that I bet you can chat with online through an attorney.
What concerns me is the fact that you blew them off the first time and she cornered you . I would be uncomfortable with that.
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| July 2, 2012, 03:50 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
He exaggerates, or shall I say embellishes.
Newbie's post reminded me of my girlfriend's husband who had once dated a girl named Judy. The parents found out they were dating and told them they could not date each other any longer. Why? They were half brother and sister.
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| July 2, 2012, 10:55 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
Which reminds me of a documentary about a guy who donated sperm to help with his college expenses.
He became curious about how many children he might have and the number was ridiculous, I think it was like 144 known offspring.
There are websites now where sperm donor offspring can find their donor father by file number and find their half siblings. The donors can look up by their file number and see how many chidren they have fathered.
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| July 2, 2012, 14:41 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
By the same token, sperm banks are not the best idea. Just the thought of a world full of perves, shoul give pause for thought. Then consider the fear factor. The sceaming would be deafening. 
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| July 2, 2012, 14:52 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: Re: coplimented or creeped out?
QUOTE (Iwant2kssuallovr @ July 2, 2012, 10:55)He exaggerates, or shall I say embellishes.
Newbie's post reminded me of my girlfriend's husband who had once dated a girl named Judy. The parents found out they were dating and told them they could not date each other any longer. Why? They were half brother and sister.
I can say with utmost certainty ,when talking about a serious subject like this,I would never embellish or exaggerate, when I'm joking around thats another story, but not on this matter.. I'm sorry you feel that way
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| July 3, 2012, 06:38 |
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GG317
60 / male
Bowl of Granola, Massachusetts, US
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Re: Re: coplimented or creeped out?
QUOTE (Iwant2kssuallovr @ July 2, 2012, 10:55)He exaggerates, or shall I say embellishes.
Newbie's post reminded me of my girlfriend's husband who had once dated a girl named Judy. The parents found out they were dating and told them they could not date each other any longer. Why? They were half brother and sister.
That's a common occurrence in Seabrook. Heck, the old joke in NH is, "What's the definition of Confused? Father's Day in Seabrook!"   
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| July 4, 2012, 16:18 |
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thechunkyone
35 / male
elizabeth, New Jersey, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
depending on the friends and the relationship i might do it. once again theres the method at sperm banks and the test tube inserting but still doesn't change the fact it will be your kid. i think it really just goes on the kind of relationship you have with the couple and how strong they are together, and of course your own mentality of the situation.
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| July 4, 2012, 18:18 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
Thank you all for the different points of view, which was why I posted in the first place. I have decided to decline, no matter what the outcome there will be strings attached, at least moraly for me. I would feel I have turned my back on my offspring, which is something I feel I may not be capable of doing. ....Thank you all, I appreciate your input
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| July 5, 2012, 18:09 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
I think you made the right decision for yourself there, Sybie...
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| July 5, 2012, 19:32 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
I'm with Chazzy Syb. I've been following this to see where it would go, but kept my opinion to myself. Im thinking you're doing the right thing
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| July 6, 2012, 14:21 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
It's a personal decision only you can know what is right. I always trust my instincts. It sounds like you have trusted yours in this case. I wish you and the family trying to have a child the best.At least you know they have options . It's not like you were there only chance so you should feel good about your choice.
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| July 6, 2012, 19:05 |
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onehornee
64 / male
69'sDevine, Michigan, US
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
dude, this one really has to come from your heart, we can all say whatever but at the end of the day, this has to rest on you, I appreciate the couple wanting your help, but it is a major request with the possibility to either go wonderful or go totally to heck. wish i could give you a better answer Sy, i think its a great compliment for someone to desire your bloodline enough to ask for it, wish i had a cut and dry answer man.. good luck brother...
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| July 7, 2012, 01:00 |
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sybianwatcher1
49 / male
Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
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Re: coplimented or creeped out?
Thanks you guys.....I felt at first I was being selfish, but you are right they have options that they can explore, I know for me I've made the right decision, and in the long run for the child as well. I have yet to talk with them, but will respectfully decline and wish them luck......besides you guys think we need another Sy running around in a few years, there are some things the world is not in need of...thanks my friends P.S. at least I have learned how to spell "complimented"
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| July 7, 2012, 16:15 |
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