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needspice
55 / female
detroit, Michigan, US
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when people just vanish
Hi all just need some insight on why people you meet and even have a good thing going just vanish without saying bye.doesn't that just stink? I wonder why and question myself if I have said something wrong. that's twice but the first was not bad since I believe they were nothing but a phony even though some nice conversations came out of it. I still didn't mind chatting and giving advice to someone who I knew there would be nothing in the form of real person to person contact but that was just an immature person anyways who just was confronted by me with their lies no big deal. but the second time just as recent as yesterday just ups and leaves, that hurt since there was a real meet more than once. why do guys do that? I am shocked to see them go and I will miss the guy I call lizard hmmm just wondering if that happens often any input?  
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| August 4, 2011, 21:46 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: when people just vanish
It happens to often for all sorts of reasons. I would have to say, that most of time, the person you were talking to has some personal reasons for not being online. It very probably has nothing to with you at all. So don't it personel.
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| August 4, 2011, 21:56 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: when people just vanish
Only thing that vanish with me is,..... (this is where all can fill in the blank) and..... GO!.  (hint, hint). I kill me. lol 
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| August 4, 2011, 23:55 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: when people just vanish
It does seeem rather odd, especially since it seems he was pursuing you. Maybe his girlfriend at home is buckling down (just b.s.ing.. I don't really trust men). Or, he got busy with a project. I always figure they will come back around, and if not, that is okay too.
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| August 5, 2011, 00:00 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: when people just vanish
The reason can be anything. It happens online and in person. It happens to men and women.I think when people do it with out an explanation many times there is has a reason like they weren't being honest or they are to much of a coward to be honest about something now.
That is not always the case.I had to do something like that for the first time ever.When I started seeing Kam from here, the guy that I had dated for 12+ years started acting really weird. We had not dated in quit a while and had been just friends for a few years . I had dated other guys and he got a little weird with only one other.But he started getting nasty whenever he spoke to me and would get obsessed with asking me about Kam and our relationship. Things that were frankly non of his business. He would also make all kinds of nasty remarks.
I knew he was just getting jealous and wasn't doing it intentionally. I tried to talk about it with him and finally had to make the decision to just stop talking to him altogether. I realized that it was easier for him to be mad at me than to see me with someone else. He did finally admit that he was out of control when he sent me an email. He said when he saw me getting close to Kam and that it wasn't just a fast fling that he felt he really lost me.He still tries by text every once in a while but still can't leave out the comments so I don't have any contact back with him.
I have also known of people to end things abruptly without explanation when some thing happens in their life, like a sick family member or death in the family. They go into "family mode" then a depression for a while then they figure its to late to fix by the time they get it back together.
You never really know why things happens.Funny how most people tend to think it's something they did .That's not saying that at times it can't be something that the person being left did.
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| August 5, 2011, 02:52 |
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GG317
60 / male
Bowl of Granola, Massachusetts, US
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Re: when people just vanish
Okay, here we go... With some guys it's the fantasy that someone out there likes them enough to even drop them a line once in awhile. The bubble burster for that one is one of two things. If her e-mails use passive possessive wording, which means she is beginning to grow closer than his fantasy provides. The other has to do with mixed signals. One letter, sent is cute and complimenting, while the other possessive, tend to scare away any guy guy.
Another possibility, the guy is mild mannered. He's the persona of, "Clark Kent" superman's alter ego. He's bumbling about the Internet relationship, when she types something, in her eyes, seems mild and cute, and he takes it way too the extreme. He can't possibly tell her what he really feels for fear that his true character will come into question.
Yet another is, he's a real jerk. The jerk is the guy who's looking for the knotches for his bedpost and her e-mails scream sole-mate. A possible reason for this one to leave her high and dry, an e-mails that might have the sentence, "My son/daughter loves when I do that." Kids will scare off this person PDQ...
Then there's the follower. He's the guy who scares or follows suit easily. "I caught this one guy. He talked the talk, but I caught him in a lie and I nailed his hide to the wall!" she said. This guys picture or his profile has, shall we say questionable material in it. He doesn't want to be caught like him, ousted on any site. So he runs for the hills after that comment.
Oh there are a few simple explanations, but they aren't as juicy as being able to slam a guy in the forums for not being online like;
1."He's Married!" and his wife made him give up the fantasy.
2. He got bored with chasing relationship will lead to nowhere.
3. He did to you what every other woman has done to him in person, what with fake phone numbers and such.
4. The computer picked up a virus and he lost most if not all of his sites and passwords. I know when it happened to me, my WN password was not so high on my priority list of things I wanted to get back.
5. He moved where there's no internet connection.
6. He's dead. nuff said.
Could be a whole host of things. All I know, is we just need to pick ourselves up and get back on that bucking horse for anther go around... 
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| August 5, 2011, 05:42 |
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needspice
55 / female
detroit, Michigan, US
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Re: when people just vanish
To all of you folks who gave me some insight you are all awesome! I do love it here! It is a great pick me up. I am going to look forward to my next meet and even if they don't ever come back it is OK. I had a very nice experience and never was too possessive since I am married and would like to find another friend who can show me some fun times . I just feel if you meet someone and you both hit it off and spend some time together hmmm more than once. I feel I at least deserve a good bye. ie... it's been great but I need to go now and maybe we can connect in the future. that is all. I don't think it is much to ask for. but the first one was just sending pics that just didn't make sense and to think that someone can be that gullible to believe that it is truly them. oh please why do they do that? well maybe because they are just not comfortable in their own skin.and even if they are married or in a relationship then they should at least try to learn to trust someone on sites like this right? I think we are all here for the same reason. I have to say I am very grateful for the time I had with lizard but all I wanted was a closing statement and closure before I want to move on but I see now I am not going to get it. I do think that is kind of cowardly because leaving someone to wonder just stinks. I would never do that to a guy. I would always try to be polite and say I am busy now or I am not into that etc... I would never lead them on if I knew that they would not be a good connections but I guess like all of you nice folks said there are many reasons that one could do such a thing. I want to thank all of you guys for your input. Now I can move on to my new experiences thanks again and I hope all you guys have a great one!
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| August 5, 2011, 15:19 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: when people just vanish
I really wanted to say that I liked GG response. Many guys don't like to admit to many things I see you post. I think it shows a maturity and confidence when a man has insight and sees both the good and bad in both sexes.
It always makes my shake my head when I see either men or women bash the other sex. (Not as a joke , but seriously!) Then they wonder why they don't get a good response. I have seen so many people that have had a bad experience then go on here say how "Men suck, they always blah, blah blah...." then say "Why is no one sending me anything.?" Or They put all the "I love sex and giving head. I can go for days without stopping. I would fuck any man that looks my direction. I love being dirty and talking dirty and getting as raunchy as I can." Then they complain if a guy sends them a dirty email or PM. lmao. You guys are just as bad so don't sit there and laugh and say "Yeah!!!"
I think if your older than 20 you have had some stupid thing happen. We all need to get over it and move on. Don't give a person that fucked you over the energy and time it takes to be mad, sad, and "get even". It's just stupid.The best revenge is have a great life and enjoy yourself.
One last comment. I have found that the quickest way to get someone to run away is say "I love you" Good or bad it either pisses people off, they think your crazy, or it scares the crap of them.I know it used to make me run for the hills!. I actually used to say to every guy I dated when I started. "I don't fall in love, I don't want to get married , I just want to have fun ." It has come back to bite me a couple of times.But that is another thread.
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| August 6, 2011, 04:50 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: when people just vanish
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ August 6, 2011, 04:50)I really wanted to say that I liked GG response. Many guys don't like to admit to many things I see you post. I think it shows a maturity and confidence when a man has insight and sees both the good and bad in both sexes.
It always makes my shake my head when I see either men or women bash the other sex. (Not as a joke , but seriously!) Then they wonder why they don't get a good response. I have seen so many people that have had a bad experience then go on here say how "Men suck, they always blah, blah blah...." then say "Why is no one sending me anything.?" Or They put all the "I love sex and giving head. I can go for days without stopping. I would fuck any man that looks my direction. I love being dirty and talking dirty and getting as raunchy as I can." Then they complain if a guy sends them a dirty email or PM. lmao. You guys are just as bad so don't sit there and laugh and say "Yeah!!!"
I think if your older than 20 you have had some stupid thing happen. We all need to get over it and move on. Don't give a person that fucked you over the energy and time it takes to be mad, sad, and "get even". It's just stupid.The best revenge is have a great life and enjoy yourself.
One last comment. I have found that the quickest way to get someone to run away is say "I love you" Good or bad it either pisses people off, they think your crazy, or it scares the crap of them.I know it used to make me run for the hills!. I actually used to say to every guy I dated when I started. "I don't fall in love, I don't want to get married , I just want to have fun ." It has come back to bite me a couple of times.But that is another thread.
I like a lot of this. It seems no matter what the age or sex, Adults aren't really. I fail to understand why "adults" can't talk and act civilly toward each other online. I'm not sure how here chat is now. I do know that when I frequented it, it wasn't uncommon for a male to come into the room and instantly IM all the women. Some even came into the room asking where all the ho's were. [ya can ask Juili about this] The "men" that did this weren't treated very well by the women in chat and I can't blame them. [in fact i thought it funny]
I wonder why it is that online so many think that every one that their interested in will instantly have sex with 'em. Go ahead guys. I dare ya to go to any bar and talk to any women in there like ya do in chat.
Much of this is  but felt it was related.
I think it's deplorable how people act and treat others online for the most part.
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| August 6, 2011, 09:51 |
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wantubad2
54 / male
white creek, New York, US
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Re: when people just vanish
I have often wondered these things as well. I have had several that have gone on for months at a time and even shared emails phone numbers and all. Then one day that is it they won't answer anymore.
I figure it is because they found someone or they have just decided that this is not for them any longer.
Often ponder what I have said or done though as well. It seems to be very common with these sites for this to happen. you just have to pack up and move on. there is no more to do and dont blame yourself.
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| August 6, 2011, 12:53 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: when people just vanish
Im at the opposite side of this. Most people wish I would just vanish!
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| August 6, 2011, 13:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: when people just vanish
Geesh. You're still here?
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| August 9, 2011, 14:56 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: when people just vanish
You and Kiss would be bored stiff if I went away, you'd have no one to toss barbs at! 
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| August 9, 2011, 15:28 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: when people just vanish
Wow, what an ego....you're totally disposable ya know.
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| August 9, 2011, 16:54 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: when people just vanish
QUOTE (Chazzy @ August 9, 2011, 16:54)Wow, what an ego....you're totally disposable ya know.
See what I mean?
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| August 9, 2011, 17:01 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: when people just vanish
I hope lizard guy will come back someday, that happens...Spice, you're a wonderful woman, men definitly notice you and there are plenty that would be grateful for the chance to have some one on one time with you.
For those who have asked about cupcake, it seems she's found someone.
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| August 9, 2011, 18:21 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: when people just vanish
I really hope no one mis-understands this. I've never expected or asked for anything here. Exactly what I got. Just had some great conversation's, came across some "interesting" people. It's all good. Sounded to me, Spice played her swan song. If so, best to you. Be safe, have fun. 
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| August 9, 2011, 19:05 |
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needspice
55 / female
detroit, Michigan, US
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Re: when people just vanish
Thanks so much Chazzy. Oh and thanks to all of you guys for your input. It was very helpful. Time to move on and have fun. At least I can say it was fun ,very much fun while it lasted. but the trouble is when you want more of that fun it seems to just vanish and leave you down again. but this is why I like it here. I love hearing all of the different opinions and suggestions. You guys are very helpful and it is easier now to just say glad for what I once had and looking forward to what fun I will have.
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| August 10, 2011, 04:41 |
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