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User no longer registered.
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Men in Love
Just scanning an article about a site about how men see love, how they act and feel when in love.
Love is usually something women openly talk about, so this angle of men in love interested me.
Some said practical things like being who you are even though it might cost you the woman you love.
One said something like "If you can't change the one you love, find someone you can change"
One suggested that when in love, to start a huge argument, get her as angry as possible, piss her off till she's out of control and throwing things....just so you know who she really is....that one sounds just silly.
So, how do men see love? Do men need to "test" things out? Do they see love as something deep enough to cherish even if it means some changes for themselves? Is it something they want to be open about immediately or a wait and see?
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| April 29, 2011, 14:50 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Men in Love
Oh boy! This something I actually REALLY know something about. As soon as I can condence it, instead of writing a book, I'll get back to this.
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| April 29, 2011, 15:05 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: Men in Love
Clearly, I am not a man. I know when I dated my ex-husband (probably a bad example for all men!) he said he use to tell his old girlfriend to leave and get out. I let him know it would only take one time for me leave. One day we were sitting in the living room, and he told me to leave. We weren't arguing, it was like he wanted to say it to get my reaction.
I got up, got in the car, was leaving for good. He chased me outside, and got behind the car... begging me not to leave. I started to run him over.
I think trying to get your partner riled is clearly the wrong thing to do. He supposedly wanted to be with me. And, as far as changing, it was up to him to change.
You get married in hopes of having kids, not marrying one.
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| April 29, 2011, 15:10 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Men in Love
Hey, since Im a men, lemme take a shot at this one.
I think its impossible to cast any type of generalization on this. Men (and women) all have personalities that are as individual as their fingerprints. And all relationships, be it love, marriage, friendship , co-workers, any type of relationship between 2 people requires the respect of the other person involved to be successful. Trying to change some one to be what you want them to be, is a recipe for disaster, as is trying to test someone's limits to see how they'd react.
However, one generalization I will assert is that some people are just born assholes and will ruin any relationship they're involved with. Just my opinion.
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| April 29, 2011, 15:47 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Men in Love
Well put free, I'll just add. Ladies, in general (NOT, all),want/hope, after the love-marriage deal, to change thier man. Men, hope thier ladies don't change. Some men will, and some won't. Most men won't, because, this "is what, and who you fell in love with, now you want me to change?" And ladies all the sudden change. Are you what we wanted? Just saying. So ladies, don't count on us to change. If you wanted something else, that's who you should be with. Hello? Ready made. On the other hand, if there was real and honest communication, during the serious "In love" stage, that's the time, to establish. Getting too long now. I know the difference between love, and being in love. No condolenses needed/wanted, my gf, who died suddenly, 10 years ago, I worshipped her. Totally IN LOVE! Anything to make her happy. I changed. Never before, nor since. I love the one I'm with. Great person, but the one I lost, in love like that, will never be again. I've known "In love".
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| April 29, 2011, 22:58 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Men in Love
I agree that it is not always a gender thing. I have seen both men and women try to change their partner.You can change things like getting him to pick up his clothes (sometimes ), but not who the person is. I never understood why so many people do that after they get married. I'm not talking about expecting your partner to grow up as your family does.There is a difference between maturing and changing. I know I have never asked or wanted the men I was with to change.If I didnt like them the way they were then I moved on and we remained friends with only 2 exceptions (1 was my Ex-husband ). In both cases they became stalkers. Being in love shouldn't be painful contrary to the popular saying. UNLESS YOU'RE INTO THAT SORT OF THING.LOL
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| April 30, 2011, 03:51 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Men in Love
Been there done this. Both trying to change someone and someone trying to change me. Doesn't work. Especially long term.
I'm not so sure about the "talking about love" thing. I don't and haven't because I think it's a private thing. Betwen two people. However, if someone asks or a situation arrises that someone needs told, then I do. It should be obvious to others that the two people are in love. 
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| April 30, 2011, 11:51 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: Men in Love
QUOTE (OOMG @ April 30, 2011, 11:51)Been there done this. Both trying to change someone and someone trying to change me. Doesn't work. Especially long term.
I'm not so sure about the "talking about love" thing. I don't and haven't because I think it's a private thing. Betwen two people. However, if someone asks or a situation arrises that someone needs told, then I do. It should be obvious to others that the two people are in love.
Seeing people "in love"? Stevie Wonder, blindfolded, locked in a dark basement, called me when my gf was alive, and swears, he AND Ray Charles saw it.
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| April 30, 2011, 12:11 |
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Grandelf
64 / male
Northern, Michigan, US
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Re: Men in Love
This topic is one that I know about mostly due to being a musician...I have seen time and time again, someone be attracted to a person, both men and woman...a large part of the attraction was that they played music. These people become a couple on some level, some married some not, but no sooner does the relationship begin when one tells the other "You are no longer going to play music"....and I have seen countless GIFTED musicians...quit! In every relationship I've been in, whether music was part of the attraction or not I always would and still would tell the lady that "when we met, you met a light hearted, happy man...and a big part of what makes me who and how I am is my music...so that's what I do, play music and what I will continue to do. Even if I was willing to give it up, you'd find I wasn't the person you met, for a big part of what makes me tick, what makes me happy is to play music. I would be a man void of a huge part of who I am now...
There's two ways I look at it...we all when with another must compromise to some degree, that's called doing what's needed to meet in the middle, in order to make a relationship all it can and should be. The other....Change to such a degree is "Controlling"...and the difference is huge!
Does one ask the other that let's say loves outdoor photography, painting...whatever makes them happy to drop it? Is that not the most controlling thing..selfish request to make?
So to compromise is one important thing.....to totally change a person is to attamept to "mold" them into the perfect person you want them to be and that never ever works.
From another angle I recently got back in touch with a girl I dated all through school, and we shared stories of what we'd been doing and she mentioned her husband, who suddenly passed away from a massive heart attack at quite a young age....and she said something so profound at least to me and that was. "You know when we met, things he did were okay...some different than I'd do them, but HE was far bigger in my heart than these things. Over the years "little" things he did...like messing with the remote as an example, there were many "little" things like this....began to bug me. I allowed them to cause me start to lose sight of the big picture, where we began...these things were the same as when we met...yet I began to allow them to tarnish us and didn't even know it."...She finished with " I cannot possibly explain how BADLY I wish he were here and doing those little things, for now I see with different eyes, and its' too late....these insignificant things....I'd give anything to have to endure them again."...she was so right.
To close this novel there is compromise and there is to attempt to change another, or control them....hugely different, and as wrong I think the second one is, the person that allows another to control them...to take from them a passion that was there when they met I can only feel bad about, but I cannot feel sorry for them as they allowed it. Myself without music in some form, cannot be myself and just as I would not expect another to drop such a huge part of their life, Nor would I drop such a huge part of mine.....for another to even think I would or should do so would make me question their level of caring for me.
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| May 1, 2011, 06:56 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Men in Love
Very well said, my friend.
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| May 1, 2011, 16:46 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: Men in Love
QUOTE (Grandelf @ May 1, 2011, 06:56)This topic is one that I know about mostly due to being a musician...I have seen time and time again, someone be attracted to a person, both men and woman...a large part of the attraction was that they played music. These people become a couple on some level, some married some not, but no sooner does the relationship begin when one tells the other "You are no longer going to play music"....and I have seen countless GIFTED musicians...quit! In every relationship I've been in, whether music was part of the attraction or not I always would and still would tell the lady that "when we met, you met a light hearted, happy man...and a big part of what makes me who and how I am is my music...so that's what I do, play music and what I will continue to do. Even if I was willing to give it up, you'd find I wasn't the person you met, for a big part of what makes me tick, what makes me happy is to play music. I would be a man void of a huge part of who I am now...
There's two ways I Beautifully put. Basic bottom line of what I was trying to convey. Marry, and live with the one you know who he, or she is. Change them after the fact, that's not reallty. An extreme example could be: Say a man falls for a lady, for being who she really is inside, and he knows she's in there. Problem, she's a meth, and/or crack head. They both want to badly marry each other. His agenda "After were married, I will help her clean up, she will be the person I KNOW she really is". Good luck on that one. Extreme, but all get the point. 
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| May 1, 2011, 17:26 |
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twizztedick
47 / couple
deridder, Louisiana, US
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Re: Men in Love
i know i said it would be awhile before i posted anything on here . so here it goes .......love sucks ...... I'm on my 3rd marriage and I've had enough of it ..all it ever took for me was to just hear the words i love you ... now they mean nothing to me at all . i will not put myself through it again they can come and go as they please but not going to let any more get close to me. after 17 years of putting her first and trying every day to make her happy and now she doesn't know who she is kinda bs to me so it use to take so little for me to say it and to feel it now i could care less if i ever hear those words again or ever say them to some one other than a family member . sorry to go off but I'm done with love from now on it's just anouther 4 letter word to me
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| May 3, 2011, 05:15 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Men in Love
Love is like childbirth.At the time it goes bad and right after you remember the pain and say "never again". When the pain fades the good memories start to take its place.I am in love and glad I didn't let someone steal that feeling from me.
I have a good friend that is a pilot.He has been flying since he was a kid.He loves it more than I can explane.He was married twice. Both times after the ink dried the women said "Its me or flying". He couldn't get the divorce papers written fast enough. I've seen the same with musicians over and over. Will people ever learn? I love the man I fell in love with,please don't change.
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| May 3, 2011, 07:02 |
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twizztedick
47 / couple
deridder, Louisiana, US
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Re: Re: Men in Love
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ May 3, 2011, 07:02)Love is like childbirth.At the time it goes bad and right after you remember the pain and say "never again". When the pain fades the good memories start to take its place.I am in love and glad I didn't let someone steal that feeling from me.
I have a good friend that is a pilot.He has been flying since he was a kid.He loves it more than I can explane.He was married twice. Both times after the ink dried the women said "Its me or flying". He couldn't get the divorce papers written fast enough. I've seen the same with musicians over and over. Will people ever learn? I love the man I fell in love with,please don't change.
thanks newbie , but just had enough of not knowing rather she gonna be happy or sad every 10 minutes or so can't keep me happy when i can't even get her to talk . plus to old to start over or even if i want to
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| May 3, 2011, 13:37 |
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Iwant2kssuallovr
62 / female
Bendover, Florida, US
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Re: Re: Re: Men in Love
QUOTE (twizztedick @ May 3, 2011, 13:37) QUOTE (newbie1011 @ May 3, 2011, 07:02)
thanks newbie , but just had enough of not knowing rather she gonna be happy or sad every 10 minutes or so can't keep me happy when i can't even get her to talk . plus to old to start over or even if i want to
Well, "too old"? That is where you are wrong. My grandfather remarried at 82, and when she passed he found yet another at 90. It's never easy. Don't do it alone.
Share with your family and friends. Expressing your feelings will liberate you. It is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation.
Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger and resentment will rob you of your energy and prevent you from moving forward.
Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on.
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| May 3, 2011, 14:10 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Men in Love
you're never too old. an old flame's grandfather was 72, and he knocked up his 24 year old mistress , and his wife (she was 60) knew all about it.
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| May 3, 2011, 21:05 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Re: Men in Love
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ May 3, 2011, 07:02) Will people ever learn? I love the man I fell in love with,please don't change.
Change? Bah. I'm PERFECT!
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| May 3, 2011, 21:22 |
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twizztedick
47 / couple
deridder, Louisiana, US
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Re: Men in Love
sorry if i sound all down and bummed ..i am kinda OK with it all . enjoying being a man whore again for the most part lol ! i go to work come home work on the master bathroom and Saturday I'm out on a date with some one .just don't care about love any more . having fun this way for now. being the  that i am !
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| May 3, 2011, 23:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Men in Love
No problem, perfectly understandable, Twizz...
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| May 4, 2011, 00:40 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Re: Re: Men in Love
QUOTE (kamarel @ May 3, 2011, 21:22) QUOTE (newbie1011 @ May 3, 2011, 07:02) Will people ever learn? I love the man I fell in love with,please don't change.
Change? Bah. I'm PERFECT!
See. Thats what I love about you.Your so modest too.lol
Twiz you have nothing to be sorry for and certainly shouldn't apologize for your feelings.
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| May 4, 2011, 02:00 |
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twizztedick
47 / couple
deridder, Louisiana, US
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Re: Men in Love
that may take some time newbie I've had to apologize for it and ever thing else for so long it's kinda second nature now lol !
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| May 4, 2011, 02:34 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Men in Love
I will say age means nothing as far as feelings.I also don't think you can really turn off feelings but you can turn them or mistake them for other things. But you don't also don't NEED to have someone else in your life to be whole. I don't think having a lover makes you whole.The only thing that makes you whole is being you with all you can,good, bad,funny, sad its all you. Some things are just a bonus if you let it in that doesn't mean you can't be happy by yourself either.
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| May 4, 2011, 04:58 |
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twizztedick
47 / couple
deridder, Louisiana, US
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Re: Re: Men in Love
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ May 4, 2011, 04:58)I will say age means nothing as far as feelings.I also don't think you can really turn off feelings but you can turn them or mistake them for other things. But you don't also don't NEED to have someone else in your life to be whole. I don't think having a lover makes you whole.The only thing that makes you whole is being you with all you can,good, bad,funny, sad its all you. Some things are just a bonus if you let it in that doesn't mean you can't be happy by yourself either.
that's the hard part the being here alone..just not use to all the quite and it is to quite here lol! even the dogs have been quite lol ! still have feeling and emotions just not the one 4 letter work
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| May 5, 2011, 02:28 |
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