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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
I know we have had many discussions regarding "Labels" But here we go again. Because of several threads I had to start questioning why we do what we do and is it just that we don't have clear definitions so we are just confused? As stated in another thread some people would considering certain things like self sucking a homosexual act as others would consider it a form of masturbation.That is just one example of where I say are we just confused.
OK PLEASE Perveman I will use you because you say you are VERY open minded and have done so many things.There fore I hope this will not offend you as it is not meant too in anyway. I am not meaning to make you uncomfortable but more to help understand where we all get our understandings of labels.You consistently say in your threads that you are a straight man . I will not argue that point with you. I will how ever like to explore that label as an example. Some say straight men would not perform a sexual act with another man or find another man enjoyable in a sexual way.(At least most seem to say unless it is a one time try it for the experience kind of thing.)If it is repeated most people would label you bi or gay .
However when I asked the same men this question I was not so surprised the answer was different.I asked: If I had a threesome with my man and another women.I engage in sexual activity with the women and obviously enjoy it. However, I only do this when I'm with my man because the attraction is really having my man watch me with the women. Other than being with my man I don't find I'm attracted to women. Would you consider me bi or gay ? I was told NO.They all realized that they have a double standard but still felt they were right.
Now my other point is this. Many of us including myself say we hate labels. We also claim not to be bias against any group. However we have all at one point or another went to some lengths to make sure people were clear we are "Straight " or not whatever the label is in that discussion. Bi, Gay , Dom, Sub etc...If we really don't care why do we care and claim from the highest hill we are or are not something? Is it because we care much more than we claim or is like the saying goes "Thou protests to much...." Maybe we are all just uncomfortable with having someone think of us in a way we don't see our-self or like to see our-self?
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| February 16, 2011, 11:19 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
We may not like someone else labeling us, but oh how we love to label ourselves.
We do not see ourselves as others do, or even honestly, we're not wired to do that.
We've done the social experiment here many times. First, post the question about what others do that annoy the crap out of you....you'll get pages of irate and strong responses but when you follow up with a seperate post about listing the things about yourself that annoy the crap out of other people, replies are skimpy and when we do reply, we usually glorifly or justify our own faults.
We can do this for ourselves, but cannot do it for others, so we may label them rude and stupid, but we label ourselves in a very jusitified and positive way.
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| February 16, 2011, 14:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Having been a particpant in many of these conversations I will try to explain my view, apologies if it gets confusing!
I enjoy sexual play with both men and women, so as the dictionary defination would say I am bisexual. I have no problem if anyone wants to call me that and I use it for ease in conversations. Although I have to have a man in the mix, not just girl on girl so the Bi label starts to slip a little....maybe?
The way my mind works is that I feel (only my perosnal opinion) that if I wanted a relationship with the same sex or sex one on one with the same sex I would be more Bi than I am. (Everyone confused now....good)
I do however love 3somes with 2 men who will actively play with each other as well as me. Are they Bi? or just happy to be turning me on?
I have heard the descriptions range from "adventurous", "open-minded", "experimental" and others used just so we don't label oureselves as Bi or similar. Yet aren't those words labels too?
And yes Chazzy I agree that we can label everything around us and yet when it comes to ourselves we are too "special" or "unique" to be pigeonholed like that. I know my faults and can list easily the things about me that annoy others, but maybe because I am so very comfortable with myself that I am happy to have faults.
I guess what I am saying is call me anything you want, just don't call me late for my dinner xx
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| February 16, 2011, 15:32 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Love it Josie!
My own motto? "You can call me Bitch, but ya can't call me stupid!"
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| February 16, 2011, 16:01 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
LMAO.Oh Josie you and I have had this conversation and it always gets interesting (and sometimes HOT!).I will say that I expect many people will have different definitions for different things and I am okay with all that. I have said many times that labels always seem to wind up hurting someone which is why I really have an issue with them. They seem to either make people feel better than someone else or worse or different, or smarter, or abnormal.....I think you get the idea, again those are all labels as well.
As for labeling our self...I find we are either to hard on our self or we can see our self as being "Better" in some way. Either way no matter how objective you think you are I have never met anyone that sees them self as others do. You included in that Josie! But I still think you are so cool! lol
I'm not saying one label (straight, gay , bi. etc.) is better than another but just that a perception in some ones head can make them uncomfortable with being labeled that. Even if we don't admit that. I had this happen the other day. I had written about a dream I had that was WAY out of my character and comfort zone. Eventually It was sent to Josie and that was fine, I THOUGHT! We have done that before with other emails it never was an issue we all enjoyed it . But for some strange and at the time unknown reason I felt embarrassed for lack of a better word. Not that there was anything in there that I should have felt embarrassed about. I also didn't understand because the email wasn't nearly as explicit as some things we have said even in open chat . So OK why would I feel so uncomfortable?
Well when I was reading the thread on self sucking I had an epiphany. lol I realized that this email was many things. First when I ORIGINALLY wrote it I never expected anyone to read it except the one person I wrote it to who is the only person I would normally share something so out of my comfort zone with. Then I realized that instead of me being an observer in the story that was written I was a main participant in something again that is way out of my comfort zone. So why would any of that bother me?
Because now it can change the way someone sees me! Someone that I would not normally let see anything that far out of my comfort level. Once I realized that I realized how stupid it was and It stopped bothering me. lol.
So Is that why we defend our self when someone labels us something we perceive as different or negative maybe? Or maybe we justify a behavior as "Just experimental" or "Adventurous" or what ever the other versions that people use to avoid a label. A label that may or may not apply even by the most common of definitions sometimes?
Obviously people hate being labeled we have all defended our self against some label at some point in our life.Maybe we should stop being so quick to label others.Why the hell are these labels so important anyway? How many times do you see posts saying "Does this make me gay or bi? " I always want to ask back "Does it matter if it does? Will it change you?
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| February 16, 2011, 16:29 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
If I am a guy involved in a 3some with 2 women who are touching eachother, I'm not thinking about labels for them, however, I would label myself as lucky.
If I am a guy involved in a 3some with a woman and another man and the man wants to touch me, I would label myself the hell outta there.
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| February 16, 2011, 16:39 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
"As for labeling our self...I find we are either to hard on our self or we can see our self as being "Better" in some way. Either way no matter how objective you think you are I have never met anyone that sees them self as others do. You included in that Josie! But I still think you are so cool! lol"
surely you are not implying that I may be wrong in some way??????????? lol I see myself as a 6ft tall blonde goddess with the body of a.....oh wait...my I do see what you mean xoxoxoxoxo
oh and am glad you are at ease now about the mail, I will go back to reading it nightly! lol
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| February 16, 2011, 16:41 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
I don't hate labels, I may have a like or dislike with the intent behind the label.
I'm am female non-homo phobic hetero, I'm fine with that, my gay friends don't mind being labeled gay , they don't deny being gay .
There's a huge difference between bisexual and bicurious , transgender and transsexual (Nice thread in LBGT about these labels and definitions with excellent input from PleasantNight)
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| February 16, 2011, 18:24 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Thx newb's. No, I'm not offended at all. I'm not gay , but will stroke a fine cock in front of anyone. No shame at all. And have, and will do it again. It is a SEX SITE. After all, I am the perveman, and will not apolgige to anyone.  Oh, yes, I've been drinking, and AM NAKED as usual. Waiting on someone to stop by and watch me.
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| February 16, 2011, 19:36 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
I understand your point Chazzy.It's not necessarily the label that people have/get that is "bad". As you stated it is the "Intent". That is where the problem lies with me. I feel that many labels in a round about way have a negative intent. For some reason we feel a need to classify people. By doing that many people have been hurt.(rich, poor, gay , straight,smart, disabled, etc...) I certainly don't feel have a label as " Gay " is bad. I have always had gay friends and they never had an issue with the label either. Yet if someone mistakenly refers to me as gay I as most people feel the need to clarify even when I would never see that person again or that person having that misconception would not effect me in any way.I have at times let it go but in general we all tend to want to "set the record straight"
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| February 17, 2011, 03:29 |
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Grandelf
64 / male
Northern, Michigan, US
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Well after reading all of that wisdom, I will add that I am Norwegian. And I thank you for your time. lol
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| February 17, 2011, 08:46 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Well, humans are the species of animal that developed speech and language, and we just have to attach a word, define, describe, and label everything.
Any women who want to go on and talk about having threesomes with hot Norwegians....I'll have to label ya'all " Hot Fun "
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| February 17, 2011, 14:17 |
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Grandelf
64 / male
Northern, Michigan, US
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Re: Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
QUOTE (Chazzy @ February 17, 2011, 14:17)Well, humans are the species of animal that developed speech and language, and we just have to attach a word, define, describe, and label everything.
Any women who want to go on and talk about having threesomes with hot Norwegians....I'll have to label ya'all " Hot Fun "
My but thou art a wiseth womaneth.....I mean, well you know what I mean. Well that's to say, I mean what do I mean? 
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| February 17, 2011, 14:42 |
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Grandelf
64 / male
Northern, Michigan, US
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Re: Re: Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
QUOTE (Grandelf @ February 17, 2011, 14:42) QUOTE (Chazzy @ February 17, 2011, 14:17)Well, humans are the species of animal that developed speech and language, and we just have to attach a word, define, describe, and label everything.
Any women who want to go on and talk about having threesomes with hot Norwegians....I'll have to label ya'all " Hot Fun "
My but thou art a wiseth womaneth.....I mean, well you know what I mean. Well that's to say, I mean what do I mean?
Okay, thought it over and I forgot to add "kind"....whew
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| February 17, 2011, 14:47 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Re: Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
QUOTE (Grandelf @ February 17, 2011, 14:42)
My but thou art a wiseth womaneth.....I mean, well you know what I mean. Well that's to say, I mean what do I mean?
Wiseth, Womaneth?
Does that make you lispieth?
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| February 17, 2011, 22:34 |
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wandering5tar
53 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Well I'm just confused. Read through all that I'm very disappointed. There wasn't a mention of Manolo Blahnik or Dolce & Gabbana...
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| February 18, 2011, 15:21 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Wandering5tar lmao I am so impressed you even knew Manolo's and D&G!
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| February 18, 2011, 20:44 |
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wandering5tar
53 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
I had to look them up Newbie. As well as being confused, I'm also full of crap!
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| February 18, 2011, 21:08 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Well at least your honest lol. We still love you.
Trust me your better not knowing those names the only lead to a lot of disappointment when you see their name on something and you just know you can't afford it.
See another example how labels can hurt you!
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| February 18, 2011, 22:05 |
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wandering5tar
53 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
Well, for the definitive statement on labels I recommend you check out the inimitable Peter Cook and Dudley Moore as Derek and Clive in Ad Nauseam.
In fact I'd recommend the whole album to anyone who hasn't heard it - especially the Durex Handicap.
And now it's back to topless darts at Roehampton
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| February 18, 2011, 22:20 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Re: Labels..Are we all wrong? full of crap? or just confused?
QUOTE (wandering5tar @ February 18, 2011, 22:20)Well, for the definitive statement on labels I recommend you check out the inimitable Peter Cook and Dudley Moore as Derek and Clive in Ad Nauseam.
In fact I'd recommend the whole album to anyone who hasn't heard it - especially the Durex Handicap.
And now it's back to topless darts at Roehampton
Put your shirt back on. Show off.
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| February 19, 2011, 01:57 |
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