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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Some funny profiles
I couldn't take it anymore I had to say something. I understand that people will stretch the truth a little at times in their profiles regarding things like size, age, description of their sex life, income etc. I even understand why. Normally I think it is mostly harmless if they never plan on meeting anyone in person. I get that none of us likes to admit we are not the sexy skinny rich sex machine that we either once were or wishes we were. HOWEVER...If your going to do that I would like to make some suggestions.
1: Don't take a picture that contradicts everything you posted about yourself.Athletic body does not normally mean Sumo wrestler.(Sorry not sure if I spelled it right but you get the picture)
2: Make sure the pictures you post are at least all of the same person.
3:Try to pick a picture that is not obviously from the 70's or any other decade that would make us start thinking of oldies music.(Unless you state that it is an old picture)
4:Make sure its not a picture of someone famous.
5:If its photo shopped OK JUST DON'T MOST PEOPLE CAN TELL!
6:This is the image you are putting out to attract someone in many cases on this site for a sexual reason CLEAN YOUR ROOM!!!
7:If you are male and claim to be single maybe you should not have women's things all over the room and a wedding ring on.
I could make this longer but I'm already at risk of no one reading this so I will stop at those for now.
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| January 25, 2011, 05:20 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ January 25, 2011, 05:20)
1: Don't take a picture that contradicts everything you posted about yourself.Athletic body does not normally mean Sumo wrestler.(Sorry not sure if I spelled it right but you get the picture)
hey Sumo Wrestlers ARE athletes, i dare you to tell one any thing different...lol
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| January 25, 2011, 05:36 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
I am many things but stupid is definitely not one of them. I would never have the nerve to tell a Sumo wrestler they aren't athletes. (At least not to their face). I am just saying its not quite the image most of us have when we think of the Athletic body.I have to come up with a few creative names for us women when we put on weight that could be taken differently .
Unfortunately I haven't been able to come up with any yet.
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| January 25, 2011, 05:54 |
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Grandelf
64 / male
Northern, Michigan, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
That's exactly why my profile says, yada, yada, blah blah..what do you need? Oh I have that!...lol, to me I have in the past said how I am, what I am about and so on, but due to all the lies out there it seemed pointless. So I make light of it, and fun of the lies. Do I own a private jet? Do I need that? Then Yes!...so I lie to the point of ridiculous and have had some good responses, shared some laughs..So, Yada Yada Yada,,,I am your dream come true, and whatever else I need to be to get some....oh and blah dee blah blah. I love this "Musician", or "guitarist", used in the title by some guys...I've been playing for 40 years, do they think THAT makes a difference? NOT!! Oh....some peoples children I tell ya. 
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| January 25, 2011, 07:19 |
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ashkats
65 / couple
crystal falls, Michigan, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
see my photo there its us a couple of years ago, and bet ya cant tell i just wiped out on the washed rocks and driftwood and fell on my ass and hopped back up before the self timer on my cam went off.....lol 
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| January 25, 2011, 07:52 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
You guys are great and you get it. As I said most really are harmless. I don't plan on getting a scale out to weigh anyone to see if they are 10 pounds more than they claimed. I also realize that people rush through the set up and sometimes make mistakes and never go back to correct them. Maybe don't even know how. Grandelf your profile is so much like the male version of my smart ass comments I knew we would get along from the second I saw it. You know its the guys that have the 14 inch cocks that make me laugh. Has anyone ever bothered to tell them the world record is I think 11 1/2 inches or something like that and unless we wanted a bat rammed up inside us most of us don't want a guy with a 14 inch cock anyway. You guys make me smile though all for different reasons and some more than others.
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| January 25, 2011, 08:55 |
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twizztedick
47 / couple
deridder, Louisiana, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
lmao ! had to go look at my profile (been a while) i don't say how big it is.i do have a few pics of it on my profile so can't lie about the size. i don't own a plane and pics are only a year old but . if you or some other lady needs me to say I'm the next john Holmes i will ! or own a island in the Caribbean OK ! maybe not but your right some people go to far and for what ? somebody is gonna find out and tell every one they know on here that you lied and then what? gonna have to change it or get embarrassed and leave the site. be true and they will find you more to there liking. we have met some fun people on here and made some great friends along the way 
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| January 25, 2011, 12:04 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
A lady one asked me to give her 18", then hurt her. So, I fucked her 3 times, and hit her in the mouth. And another, told me she wanted 8", told her I was'nt going to fold it in half for anyone. Are these the kind of profiles of which you speak? Not hard for me to lie about my cock size, there's the pics. I sure would'nt post other's pics, would take all the fun out of my exhibitionism. Would defeat the purpose. Just speaking for myself, profile/pic match? You are all invited to Tucson to find out. My address is....no, but my phone number is...oh, not that either? Ok then.  
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| January 25, 2011, 13:09 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
Ok. Now I need to change my profile info
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| January 25, 2011, 13:18 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
You have no idea of the things I've seen here over all the years, some unspeakable....
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| January 25, 2011, 13:32 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Oh Chazzy I bet I can imagine. I have been on line for many years. Some day someone really will write a book of the funny things but I think they have to get past the privacy issues first. I know most people that have been on line for a while can relate which is why it is so funny most times. To be truthful there are some I have come across that make me sad. I have actually known people that have lied so much in their profiles just so they could get some attention because they had no self esteem and they felt that was the only way . That is actually a sad statement about how shallow we can be as human beings sometimes.
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| January 25, 2011, 13:47 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
I have to agree on this one. One of my favourite ways of killing time is just to scan profiles and pictures for so many reasons.....
I wonder if some people just assume you will never read their profile as it seems to me, it is mostly those people who contact me after obviously not reading mine lol
I remember one night having a very "passionate" discussion with someone trying to convince them that the person matters more than the size or appearance and was justtold I was lying. I guess some folks will never be comfortable in their own skin
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| January 25, 2011, 14:10 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
We can all put on or lose weight. We all get older. But you can't fix dumb. I would rather be with a person that is good than a person that only looks good any day.
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| January 25, 2011, 14:23 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
.....alright.....I admit there are no leather bound books.... or a mohogany aroma filled office.
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| January 25, 2011, 18:26 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ January 25, 2011, 05:20)I couldn't take it anymore I had to say something. I understand that people will stretch the truth a little at times in their profiles regarding things like size, age, description of their sex life, income etc. I even understand why. Normally I think it is mostly harmless if they never plan on meeting anyone in person. I get that none of us likes to admit we are not the sexy skinny rich sex machine that we either once were or wishes we were. HOWEVER...If your going to do that I would like to make some suggestions.
1: Don't take a picture that contradicts everything you posted about yourself.Athletic body does not normally mean Sumo wrestler.(Sorry not sure if I spelled it right but you get the picture)
2: Make sure the pictures you post are at least all of the same person.
3:Try to pick a picture that is not obviously from the 70's or any other decade that would make us start thinking of oldies music.(Unless you state that it is an old picture)
4:Make sure its not a picture of someone famous.
5:If its photo shopped OK JUST DON'T MOST PEOPLE CAN TELL!
6:This is the image you are putting out to attract someone in many cases on this site for a sexual reason CLEAN YOUR ROOM!!!
7:If you are male and claim to be single maybe you should not have women's things all over the room and a wedding ring on.
I could make this longer but I'm already at risk of no one reading this so I will stop at those for now.
LMFAO! nothing melts a hard cock like a messy bedroom!
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| January 25, 2011, 18:35 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
The funniest profile? The one that I get the most comments on about how funny it is? Ummmmm....can't talk about it really.
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| January 25, 2011, 22:37 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
OH Chazzy you can't do that to me! Now you have to tell!!!! Come on I swear no one really reads this anyway.Just post it so I can check it out. I know who my favorites are but I don't want to hurt some guys feelings or feed some guys ego anymore than they already are. lol
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| January 25, 2011, 23:12 |
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Grandelf
64 / male
Northern, Michigan, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
I have to say that I just have to laugh at the mentality, or lack of in the things people use as the "Title" for their profile! From stupid like "Guitarist" being a big deal to something so crude it's incredible to think they believe it will work. Or to say, "I promise you will cum 8 times"..excuse me...Promise? LOL....Thanks Newbie for the kind words, yes we are as we know very much alike...so great to see so many things the same. And we are without a doubt right too! lol.. I am a realist when it comes to these things, thus my listing is a batch of boolah by design. As in I'm the bestest, better than the restest...and so on and so forth. The headings for SO many profiles make me just laugh and shake my head....so I guess the laugh has value. With that in mind....Keep on putting them believable titles up there! Oh did I mention I own a country called "Corinthia", and we will sail through the skies in my jet there, upon meeting..within seconds you shall melt simply from the passionate gaze I use as my mojo of lust to win your.....clothes? No...really!
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| January 26, 2011, 06:26 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Hold on a minute here. If profile pics count in this string, is it ok newbs, for me to go ahead and post that real "14 incher" of mine you mentioned, and not those tweeked pics, just cause I'm a nice guy , and did'nt want others to feel inadequate? And where is your down payment for the swamp land I've been selling off here in Arizona? 
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| January 26, 2011, 10:58 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
Of all the times we've done this topic, the cluttered background is the top turnoff. Dirty laundry is gross, and even if it's not you using the Depends Adult Diapers, ya probably don't need the package showing in your photo.
If you married looking for discreet action on the side, uploading your wedding photo, complete with tux's, white gown and veil just isn't right....it's just not right.
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| January 26, 2011, 13:21 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Can't agree more Chazy. This not a pre "Goodhousekeeping" site, but our mothers site either. You, and all know my deal, LETS SEE MORE SKIN!! Sorry for the outburst, the nurse must have forgotten my medication this morning.  Oww! That hurts.
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| January 26, 2011, 13:46 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Grandelf... You mean the picture of the luxury private jet you sent me with you holding a campaign bottle isn't yours? Damn and I was already packing the hot lingerie to come see you. Not that it would stay on long of course.I am so disillusioned. I will take my antidepressants now and get over it.
I will call Kam right away and tell him I have changed my mind and I'm not running off with you to that private island after all.Hopefully he will take me back.
Its a shame that no one has a sense of humor on here. We really need to do something about that. I am really glad we don't have any of those sarcastic people posting things either, they drive me crazy.
I would mention all of you who post but as you know then my posts turn into books.
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| January 26, 2011, 17:17 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
I could try humor. Problem is, everyone would just laugh at me.
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| January 26, 2011, 17:24 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Hey Free I thought you were going to send that new profile for approval. I of course have to approve all pictures just to make sure that its all "real"I might have to do home inspections just to be completely sure of accuracy.
Kandy I understand that a messy bedroom bothers you so I have called in the maid to have her straighten up a bit. She wants to know if you like certain color or type sheets on the bed too? As if a man ever even noticed what room they are in as long as a naked women is in it.
Perv. You should just shock the hell out of people and throw clothes around the room at least so people will say "Wow, he does own clothes?"You don't even have to put them on. 
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| January 26, 2011, 17:40 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Glad you're keeping everybody on task, honey.
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| January 27, 2011, 00:28 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
Had my surgery today, so it'll be a bit before I do anything with it. Im still a bit out of it and a tad bleary eyed.
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| January 27, 2011, 01:38 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: Some funny profiles
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ January 26, 2011, 17:40)Hey Free I thought you were going to send that new profile for approval. I of course have to approve all pictures just to make sure that its all "real"I might have to do home inspections just to be completely sure of accuracy.
Kandy I understand that a messy bedroom bothers you so I have called in the maid to have her straighten up a bit. She wants to know if you like certain color or type sheets on the bed too? As if a man ever even noticed what room they are in as long as a naked women is in it.
Perv. You should just shock the hell out of people and throw clothes around the room at least so people will say "Wow, he does own clothes?"You don't even have to put them on.
Ok, so it's "put on", ....  ...."clothes"... . Got the key words, and googling it now. I'll get back to you with the results (if there are any, which I doubt) I think someones, (no name) just messing with me.
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| January 27, 2011, 01:44 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
the way i see it though, if my pic has dirty laundry or a messy room in the background, at least the potential woman that i may meet, won't be surprised to find out that i AM a slob. i mean, it would show the real me. i know if i saw a pristine background behind a woman, and then if/when i ever did hook-up with her, and walked in and saw a room that looks like it was just hit with typhoon Mary? i'd be a little freaked out... 
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| January 27, 2011, 02:15 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
LNH: Well at least you can't say that your not honest. lol
Just one of your finer qualities.
Free: Hope everything is well and I was going to say back to normal but I don't think you ever were. Feel better.
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| January 27, 2011, 02:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
I do remember another time when we were discussing profile photos, Liberalwife and I shared the same opinion about the "locked bathroom photos"...it just gives the impression that you're in there hiding the fact that your taking sexy photos of yourself...definitely leaves the impression that you are sneaking so their spouse won't find out or (if they state they are 18 on their profile) they need the bathroom privacy cuz they are still young enough to live at home with their parents.
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| January 27, 2011, 10:58 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Locked doors I would say can have many reasons. I love the ones that are definitely a dorm room. lol I saw one that I would swear looked like a jail. Not that I have ever been in one but I have several on TV shows when they do inside prison stories.
I would definitely lock the door if I were taking pictures while my kids were home but then again I more than likely wouldn't take them with the kids home. But that's just me.
Just because I cant help myself I found more photo shopped pictures last night and had to laugh. Although this guy was pretty good at it. I am just better at spotting them. Did to much editing in my life not to see the details of a picture.
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| January 28, 2011, 01:43 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
What I'm pissed about now is, I now know what photo shop is. Could've gotten that done, added major "improvements". Then, could've written a whole different "real" profile. Damn I'd been that stud, desired by all, that I was really born to be. Anyone buying this yet? At least I know that there is a technique for "enhansment" for the next site. Just kidding (But just in case, any computer whizz's out there?) 
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| January 28, 2011, 02:11 |
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wandering5tar
53 / male
London, England, UK
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Re: Some funny profiles
Talking of Photoshopping, there's one profile that's had a few recently, and I wonder whether they are really the person in the photo doing them?
Well, I say Photoshop, they were so bad it looked more like a photo cellotaped over a Playboy picture and then scanned in!
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| January 28, 2011, 07:06 |
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perveman
111 / male
Tucson, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: Some funny profiles
QUOTE (wandering5tar @ January 28, 2011, 07:06)Talking of Photoshopping, there's one profile that's had a few recently, and I wonder whether they are really the person in the photo doing them?
Well, I say Photoshop, they were so bad it looked more like a photo cellotaped over a Playboy picture and then scanned in!
Thx for the idea. Will it work with Playgirl too? Hey, I'm desparate for a younger, better body. You know, a new face would go a long way too. Is this be what I mean when I say, "I live a lifestyle, that doe'nt require my presence?"
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| January 28, 2011, 13:01 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Perve, if you do that then you're not the one showing off. Isn;t that kind of against your own philosophy? I'd love to a solid 6'2, 220 lb athlete. Few know what I look like. Maybe I can cobble something together.
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| January 29, 2011, 03:07 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
Yeah, but I know what every part of you looks like and feels like. Besides you are way to honest to make a fake profile picture. Damn, you don't even put up a real one. lol I kind of like that. I feel like I have you all to myself for the most part. Except for the few select that you have shared pictures with.I know my selfish side is showing again. I can't help it.
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| January 29, 2011, 05:47 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Some funny profiles
QUOTE (wandering5tar @ January 28, 2011, 07:06)Talking of Photoshopping, there's one profile that's had a few recently, and I wonder whether they are really the person in the photo doing them?
Well, I say Photoshop, they were so bad it looked more like a photo cellotaped over a Playboy picture and then scanned in!
That was a very amusing profile!
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| January 29, 2011, 20:02 |
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Grandelf
64 / male
Northern, Michigan, US
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Re: Re: Some funny profiles
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ January 26, 2011, 17:17)Grandelf... You mean the picture of the luxury private jet you sent me with you holding a campaign bottle isn't yours? Damn and I was already packing the hot lingerie to come see you. Not that it would stay on long of course.I am so disillusioned. I will take my antidepressants now and get over it.
I will call Kam right away and tell him I have changed my mind and I'm not running off with you to that private island after all.Hopefully he will take me back.
Its a shame that no one has a sense of humor on here. We really need to do something about that. I am really glad we don't have any of those sarcastic people posting things either, they drive me crazy.
I would mention all of you who post but as you know then my posts turn into books.
Uhm the private jet? Of COURSE it's mine! Packing lingerie, and now not...oh I am so very close to whining, lol....
As far as laughter..if I'm not laughing as much as possible, I'm not living.....now, where in theeeee hell did I leave the keys to that jet?
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| January 30, 2011, 10:12 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
OK Grandelf, I can't keep asking Kam to take me back so I think I will just have him come along and I know its such a sacrifice on my part, but I will just have to have sex with both of you as often as possible and hope to keep you both happy. What a shame, me and two men. The sacrifices we women make.Just let me know if I need to pack anything special and what time to be ready.Maybe we should put a new profile. Do they have some for Threesomes ? I have only seen singles and couples.
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| January 30, 2011, 11:07 |
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kamarel
60 / male
Alexandria, Louisiana, US
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Re: Re: Some funny profiles
QUOTE (newbie1011 @ January 30, 2011, 11:07)OK Grandelf, I can't keep asking Kam to take me back so I think I will just have him come along and I know its such a sacrifice on my part, but I will just have to have sex with both of you as often as possible and hope to keep you both happy. What a shame, me and two men. The sacrifices we women make.Just let me know if I need to pack anything special and what time to be ready.Maybe we should put a new profile. Do they have some for Threesomes ? I have only seen singles and couples.
Well, if I must... Just so you know hun, NE MI is a long way from SE MI. Get ready for a looong weekend. So if Elf can't find his keys, we should be able to make the drive.
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| January 30, 2011, 16:16 |
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newbie1011
62 / female
The Shore, New Jersey, US
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Re: Some funny profiles
I'm already packed. Just thinking it might be a bit cold there...I don't think what I packed will keep me warm. Hey Grandelf does your mansion have a big fireplace? Although Kam does a really good job of keeping me warm I'm thinking he might want to rest a while after the long drive. Maybe you should send your driver so he will be nice and rested. OH, wait I think maybe the helicopter would be even better.lol
While we're at it does anyone else have delusions of grandeur from their profiles or someone else's they might want to share? What is the strangest claim you have read in a profile? Besides penis size. We already covered that riDICKulousness.
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| January 30, 2011, 17:52 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Some funny profiles
I think the worst profile ever, was a woman who "blogged" every thought on her profile page. It was long, random, and frankly....creeped out the noobs. Some of ya will know what I'm talking about, I once commented that the Unabomber's manifesto was shorter and made more sense than her profile.
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| January 31, 2011, 11:33 |
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