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It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
I never get tired of Jack Handy, (or Gary Larson's "Far Side" 
Here's one to start with....
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
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| February 21, 2005, 09:51 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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| February 21, 2005, 10:49 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
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| February 21, 2005, 12:34 |
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Re: Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
QUOTE (Chazzy @ February 21, 2005, 12:34)I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
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| February 21, 2005, 12:47 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
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| February 21, 2005, 13:11 |
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Re: Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.
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| February 21, 2005, 13:28 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
In another 20 years we wont have to worry about the rest of the world, they will all be dying of cancer from the FDA approved food we have been feeding them, as we will have the only medicine to cure the diseases we invented. 
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| February 21, 2005, 17:02 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
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| February 21, 2005, 17:28 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
"During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
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| February 21, 2005, 17:33 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
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| February 21, 2005, 17:38 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
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| February 21, 2005, 17:54 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
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| February 21, 2005, 19:13 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
Who the hell is Jack Handy ???
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| February 21, 2005, 20:36 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
Just found out myself, after typing Jack Handy in the search barr of my home page,,,,,then a whole page of Jack Handy crap came up! Here I am trying to think cute shit up to post, and everyone else is copying Jack Handy's sayings off the internet,,,,, DUH!!!!!!
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| February 22, 2005, 01:44 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
Jack Handy is a "Saturday Night Live" thing....
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| February 22, 2005, 06:47 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
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| February 23, 2005, 16:23 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
Jack Handy,,,thats a silly name.
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| February 24, 2005, 06:43 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
He goes by his nickname allot....Hothandy
"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone."
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| February 24, 2005, 07:14 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
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| February 24, 2005, 15:26 |
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Re: It's the "Jack Handy" thread......
"When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges."
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| March 2, 2005, 09:59 |
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