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Nuggets From Steven Wright
1. A lot of people are afraid of heights. not me, i'm afraid of widths.
2. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
3. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while i was a suspect.
4. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
5. For my birthday i got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... i put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
6. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
7. How young can you die of old age?
8. I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
9. I have an answering machine in my car. it says, i'm home now. But leave a message and i'll call when i'm out.
10. I have an existential map. it has 'you are here' written all over it.
11. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. i keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
12. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
13. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
14. I like to reminisce with people i don't know.
15. I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
16. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
17. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
18. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
19. I was at this restaurant. the sign said "breakfast anytime." so I ordered french toast in the Renaissance.
20. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
21. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
22. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
23. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
24. I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
25. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
26. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
27. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
29. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
30. If you had a million shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
31. If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
32. If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
33. Last week the candle factory burned down. everyone just stood around and sang happy birthday.
34. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
35. Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
36. What's another word for thesaurus?
37. When i die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
38. You can't have everything. where would you put it?
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| May 14, 2008, 10:35 |
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funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
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Re: Nuggets From Steven Wright
Those are good ones Moon. 
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| May 14, 2008, 13:49 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Nuggets From Steven Wright
tica... 
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| May 16, 2008, 17:28 |
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