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Medical Breakthrough Medications
St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that
eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Peptobimbo ... Liquid silicone for single women . Two full
cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor .. Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics ... When administered to teenage girls,
is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up
phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin ... Potent antibiotic for older women . Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to
shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ... When combined with
Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
Jack Asspirin ... Relieves the headache caused by a man
who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or wallet
to be used on anyone too eager to share their life
stories with total strangers.
Sexcedrin ... Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More
effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear,
I have a headache," syndrome.
Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides
the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Men- Gay ... A rub-in ointment that enables single women
to identify who to cross off the dating pool.
 
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