|
| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE |
|
User no longer registered.
|
partners
is it ok for your partner of a serious relationship to have close friends of the opposite sex? if they once had feelings for them? is it disrespectfull to flirt with others even if everyone involved knows its nothing more than playful banter?
where are your lines drawn?
|
| April 20, 2008, 21:06 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
I gave up a whole lot of friends, all kinds...I didn't mind giving up the ones that made my husband insecure...it really didn't hurt me a bit, it showed him I was serious about the committment we decided to make. It gave me more time to spend with him.
Now that he and I are more established, settled and comfortable, I can restart those friendships or pursue new ones if I wish.
My friends have their own life, I expect them to put their spouses and family before me, and I'm friend enough to insist that they do, if my friendship with someone of the opposite sex was causing them any ripple with their significant other, I'd love them enough to back off.
Ya know, the old saying about if ya love someone, set them free...kinda like that I guess...
I think a true friend will do what's best for their friend.
|
| April 20, 2008, 21:14 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ April 20, 2008, 21:06)is it ok for your partner of a serious relationship to have close friends of the opposite sex? if they once had feelings for them? is it disrespectfull to flirt with others even if everyone involved knows its nothing more than playful banter?
where are your lines drawn?
All I'm going to say is that generally anyone should be able to have friends whether same sex or not, but knowing there's been feelings in the past, that would bother me even if i knew nothing happened. Even though its playful banter to those involved, just based on the fact of feelings in the past, it could come back and kick the present partner out of the picture. If there's feelings, it's not fair to anyone involved. As if you're stringing one along in case something doesn't work out.
That's just my theory on it.
|
| April 20, 2008, 23:19 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: partners
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ April 20, 2008, 23:19) QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ April 20, 2008, 21:06)is it ok for your partner of a serious relationship to have close friends of the opposite sex? if they once had feelings for them? is it disrespectfull to flirt with others even if everyone involved knows its nothing more than playful banter?
where are your lines drawn?
All I'm going to say is that generally anyone should be able to have friends whether same sex or not, but knowing there's been feelings in the past, that would bother me even if i knew nothing happened. Even though its playful banter to those involved, just based on the fact of feelings in the past, it could come back and kick the present partner out of the picture. If there's feelings, it's not fair to anyone involved. As if you're stringing one along in case something doesn't work out.
That's just my theory on it.
AMEN BC  , I totally agree with you!  I don't want the games, and would like to know beforehand about everything, not to find out later on, it's just not fair, very mistrusting and hurtful. If one enjoys that lifestyle, be my guest.
|
| April 20, 2008, 23:35 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
but what if its a long standing friendship and your partner knew from day one?
and what kind of friendship is it if feelings arent involved? isnt a relationship just glorified friendship ?
also if its the flirty fun nature of a person that initially drew you to them how can you expect them to turn that off once you lay your claim to them?
p.s. dont take this thread too seriously, it only pretends to be serious. lol
|
| April 20, 2008, 23:39 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: partners
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ April 20, 2008, 23:19) QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ April 20, 2008, 21:06)is it ok for your partner of a serious relationship to have close friends of the opposite sex? if they once had feelings for them? is it disrespectfull to flirt with others even if everyone involved knows its nothing more than playful banter?
where are your lines drawn?
All I'm going to say is that generally anyone should be able to have friends whether same sex or not, but knowing there's been feelings in the past, that would bother me even if i knew nothing happened. Even though its playful banter to those involved, just based on the fact of feelings in the past, it could come back and kick the present partner out of the picture. If there's feelings, it's not fair to anyone involved. As if you're stringing one along in case something doesn't work out.
That's just my theory on it.
in my opinion, it'd only be stringing along if deciept was involved.
|
| April 20, 2008, 23:43 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: partners
QUOTE (boredcountryboy @ April 20, 2008, 23:39)but what if its a long standing friendship and your partner knew from day one? Then I'd say the partner would have to accept the fact and just let it be
and what kind of friendship is it if feelings arent involved? isnt a relationship just glorified friendship ? That's true, I didn't think of it that way. 
also if its the flirty fun nature of a person that initially drew you to them how can you expect them to turn that off once you lay your claim to them? I wouldn't expect anyone to 'turn that off'
p.s. dont take this thread too seriously, it only pretends to be serious. lol
If the partner had gone ahead to be in a relationship knowing what there was already, then maybe they're okay with it. Sure, maybe for some people it's easier than others. I would think for any relationship, people should be open about everything. Not to say, word for word has to be told, but say hey, "talked to so and so today, blah blah."
Make the others feel more involved. Help them feel at ease, what can be done for everyone involved to feel comfortable.
Once you're in a relationship, it's not just the partner and friend. It's partner, girlfriend/boyfriend (husband/wife.. whatever the case) AND friend. Kinda like the whole saying of, "whats mine is yours, what's yours is mine" and that goes for everything, not excluding friends.
|
| April 21, 2008, 11:38 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
You can go into a relationship knowing things, but if the relationship progresses, the relationship starts to change (IE...goes from casual dating allot to something more serious) then there's nothing wrong with making compromises and giving up a few things.
Personally for me, ex's are ex's for a good reason...it didn't work out...I keep my ex's in my past and for me, that's where they belong, I don't keep them as "friends" I don't keep memorabilia or souvenirs. I like to move forward.
I'm speaking of being in a committed long term relationship here, and to me...for one partner (or both) to keep someone with who they have sexual or romantic sparks or tension with sometimes, I say sometimes...isn't just having a friend, it's having a "back up plan B" ....a safety net...
What you know about a person when you meet them and date them is one thing...if the time comes when the relationship changes, then the partners involved will also change somewhat, and change things in their lives to accommadate a more serious relationship.
|
| April 21, 2008, 16:18 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
I can see your point there Chazz, although I would have to say I think if it's just friends and nothing's happened in the past, it probably never will. BCB's got a point where friends do have feelings for each other. You know the routine, as in how they're doing, are they troubled, do they need advice, etc and vice versa. Guy-guy, girl-girl, or guy-girl... anyone can have friendly feelings and hope for the best for anyone.
In any situation, knowing myself, I would assume worse than good when it comes to 2 opposites being friends. Thinking that maybe they'd really want it to work out and going to ditch their partners. But if they were real decent people, they wouldn't do that to their partners.
So more than likely if someone's going to have playful banters, that's just how they are with anyone in general. They mean no harm to anyone but to have good fun. Although, maybe sometimes they might not realize it could bother the partner, but like I mentioned earlier in this thread... communication helps put everyone at ease I think. It especially helps out too when you have trust in your partner and if you really know your partner, you know you'd have nothing to worry about.
Now someone, go grab a partner and swing them around! 
|
| April 21, 2008, 17:22 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
I like my life simple, leaves more time and energy to actually enjoy it....my nucleus is my home, that's my center....my home and my blood ties (My family, his family...)First and foremost...I take care of home, whatever that takes...
Anything else outside that nucleus is just bonus...a bonus is in addition to, not a trade off...
I'm a pretty happy person...
|
| April 21, 2008, 17:29 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
i agree 100% chazzy... but what happens when you consider that close friend or two as family? I personally have a close female friend or two outside of BC that I would consider family long before a lot of my actual blood relatives.
how healthy is a relationship with such mistrust happening that one partner can not have friends of there own? a partner is the closest person to you and shares most everything but everyone needs some kind of life of there own, dont they?
|
| April 21, 2008, 18:52 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
Oh sure, I love my friends, some are as dear to me as family...family is an easy one really...family is pretty much unconditional.
I like being a good friend too, so if my friendship caused some hardship in the home of that friend, I'd back off some at least...cuz that's what a good friend would do...in my mind.
A simple "let's cool it a bit, till the issue is worked out"
|
| April 21, 2008, 20:18 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: partners
We all have pasts and friends who might make our partners uneasy, I feel if one of you in a relationship is uneasy by the others friend, you should understand how uneasy your partner might feel and just relax the flirting, it won't make any difference to the friendship , but could make a major difference to your relationship
|
| April 23, 2008, 05:42 |
|
|
