 |
|
|
|
| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Advice
Where do you turn when you have something troubling, or just need a different perspective or advice?
Do you seek out someone of the same sex or the opposite sex when needing to talk about a mate problem?
Do you have different people that you feel have their "expertise" in different areas or do you rely on one or few about everything that troubles or puzzles you?
How much time if any will you use search engines and the Internet for answers, and how much do you trust the net for info?
|
| March 12, 2008, 12:55 |
|
prettyplze1
54 / female
Licking pussyville Essex, England, UK
|
Re: Advice
I turn to friends or my mum. Have a good cirle of friends and they usually come up with some great advice.
What would we do without friends!!! 
|
| March 12, 2008, 12:57 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: Advice
I don't run to this situation very often. But if something is troubling me, I will just sit down, with myself, and I can think things through in a logical, yet systematic order to come up with different scenarios. Then I can choose the best possible approach.
|
| March 12, 2008, 17:53 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Advice
Chazzy's on form with the poignant questions. :-)
I'm like funloving , I'll think of how to sort it myself, if I can... great. If not I'll confide in the right person.
Though it's always nice to have a good support network of friends and family round you.
|
| March 12, 2008, 18:55 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Advice
Sometimes I think it's just human for us to occasionally seek advice from the one we know will agree with us, that will reinforce what we really want...but mostly I prefer to get that honest opinion.
|
| March 12, 2008, 23:30 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Advice
I don't turn anywhere, I just decide what to do, and do it. Then I face the wrath of the consequences later.That is a very bad problem I have, act first, and don't think about my actions.
|
| March 13, 2008, 10:42 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Advice
family...and certain friends....when all that fails or if i want a truly subjective opinion....there is this really cute bartender at a restaruant on the beach.....she gives great "advice"...never lets me down!! 
|
| March 13, 2008, 15:59 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Advice
I mostly figure the answer out for myself. Visiting friends or just change in surroundings can help with this.
|
| March 13, 2008, 20:59 |
|
funlovingpair
59 / couple
Frozen Tundra, Minnesota, US
|
Re: Advice
Most of the time i talk with Pa, we can talk about anything. Or i just sit and think about it myself.
Ma
|
| March 15, 2008, 09:08 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Advice
I usually try to think things out myself. I used to talk to my mother in law alot because I always felt like no matter what happened she was going to love her son. I have finally started to confide in some of my friends about the problems in my marriage and they have been incredibly supportive. The problem I have is that most of what he's done is such a huge slap in the face to me that I didn't want to confide in anyone because I was too embarrassed.
|
| March 15, 2008, 10:43 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Advice
QUOTE (Juilianna @ March 15, 2008, 10:43)I usually try to think things out myself. I used to talk to my mother in law alot because I always felt like no matter what happened she was going to love her son. I have finally started to confide in some of my friends about the problems in my marriage and they have been incredibly supportive. The problem I have is that most of what he's done is such a huge slap in the face to me that I didn't want to confide in anyone because I was too embarrassed.
 
|
| March 15, 2008, 12:37 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Re: Advice
QUOTE (JCSOS @ March 15, 2008, 12:37)
Thanks darlin' I appreciate your hugs and thoughts. I'm cool though, everyone just learns to cope with things differently. I am blessed by my life and I don't dwell on the not so good stuff. I am thankful every day for the gifts I have been given and don't think too much about the bad stuff...each of us makes concessions in our life for one thing or another. After all...even Disney movies have sad things happen...just because my fairy tale didn't have a handsome prince on a white horse doesn't mean it can't end "Happily Ever After." I find my joy where I can.
|
| March 16, 2008, 02:35 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Advice
QUOTE (Juilianna @ March 15, 2008, 10:43)
...The problem I have is that most of what he's done is such a huge slap in the face to me that I didn't want to confide in anyone because I was too embarrassed....
Don't be embarrassed, you're not alone there and probably have more company than you'll ever know.
I am totally ashamed sometimes about how I let my husband talk to me and treat me...but I think it's just a woman's way to use rational methods to deal with it...(especially women with children in the home) We chose to try to deal with something in a way that doesn't make our home into a battlefield and will quietly suffer for the better good...to a point, suffering quietly gives us some clear time to think and resovle eventually make the right decisions for the right reason and make the right changes.
Actually, making us too embarrassed to confide in others can be part of the control they want to have on us...our pride and self esteem is their target and gives them the most control but they mistake our passiveness as being submissive when really it is our way of having control over our own thinking....constantly fighting old battles over and over just eats up our time and energy so nothing can really improve or change...being passive allows us to keep our head together.
|
| March 16, 2008, 13:09 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Advice
The issue has never been about controlling me, it is controlling himself. I've always been strong and outspoken. I just didn't share the things he did because they were really stupid judgement calls. I also never felt like bashing him to others was the best way to handle things. In that behavior I just would have bred negativity and that really isn't part of my nature. His choice not to grow up and be responsible has led to his own life falling apart. I refuse to let his decisions dictate my life anymore...if he wants to screw himself up over and over again then that is his own stupidity. I'm not the same person I was five years ago, I'm not the same person he met twenty-five years ago, and I will continue to evolve and become a better person every day. That is who I am, that is what I strive for...
|
| March 16, 2008, 15:40 |
|
cjroxy
59 / couple
Hot and Balmy, England, UK
|
Re: Advice
The only ones I go to is my hubby or my mum, if on the very rare occasion I cant sit and logically work out a problem. But mostly, my friends tend to come to me for advice, as they say I tell it as it is with no cover up. As long as I can help them or just be a shoulder to cry or moan on what more can friends do for each other. 
|
| March 16, 2008, 17:18 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Advice
QUOTE (Juilianna @ March 16, 2008, 15:40)The issue has never been about controlling me, it is controlling himself. I've always been strong and outspoken. I just didn't share the things he did because they were really stupid judgement calls. I also never felt like bashing him to others was the best way to handle things. In that behavior I just would have bred negativity and that really isn't part of my nature. His choice not to grow up and be responsible has led to his own life falling apart. I refuse to let his decisions dictate my life anymore...if he wants to screw himself up over and over again then that is his own stupidity. I'm not the same person I was five years ago, I'm not the same person he met twenty-five years ago, and I will continue to evolve and become a better person every day. That is who I am, that is what I strive for...
sounds like a "maturity thing" Juils....but, regardless..don't let pride get in the way of a resolution. put that aside if ya can..the "hurt" has to be more than its my pride that hurts or even embarassment. I guess what i am saying is ...don't take it personal...which i am sure is very hard to do..but rather..judge it for what it is...is his behavior damanging to the relationship?....in the context of your wedding vows and the "understanding" the two of you have developed over so many years of marriage....do his acts vioalte these premises?
If so..then say goodbye and don't look back!! YOu have better things and someone better to devote your energies to than someone who doesn't share your dreams, desires, and life. sounds to me like he is disengaged.
|
| March 17, 2008, 07:54 |
|
User no longer registered.
|
Re: Re: Re: Advice
QUOTE (TropiFun @ March 17, 2008, 07:54) QUOTE (Juilianna @ March 16, 2008, 15:40)The issue has never been about controlling me, it is controlling himself. I've always been strong and outspoken. I just didn't share the things he did because they were really stupid judgement calls. I also never felt like bashing him to others was the best way to handle things. In that behavior I just would have bred negativity and that really isn't part of my nature. His choice not to grow up and be responsible has led to his own life falling apart. I refuse to let his decisions dictate my life anymore...if he wants to screw himself up over and over again then that is his own stupidity. I'm not the same person I was five years ago, I'm not the same person he met twenty-five years ago, and I will continue to evolve and become a better person every day. That is who I am, that is what I strive for...
sounds like a "maturity thing" Juils....but, regardless..don't let pride get in the way of a resolution. put that aside if ya can..the "hurt" has to be more than its my pride that hurts or even embarassment. I guess what i am saying is ...don't take it personal...which i am sure is very hard to do..but rather..judge it for what it is...is his behavior damanging to the relationship?....in the context of your wedding vows and the "understanding" the two of you have developed over so many years of marriage....do his acts vioalte these premises?
If so..then say goodbye and don't look back!! YOu have better things and someone better to devote your energies to than someone who doesn't share your dreams, desires, and life. sounds to me like he is disengaged.
It's a maturity thing with my hubs for sure.
His angry words have come to mean nothing to me, to me it's just a child having a tantrum when he says and does stupid things and all those little tantrum battles aren't worth mentioning or getting advice about...the tantrums I've learned to sail through, the bigger picture, the real problem (his imaturity) I do sometimes discuss with his mother, she's a wonderful person who's known him longer and knows him better than I do.
|
| March 17, 2008, 10:42 |
|
|
Web Naughty Forums »
General Discussion »
Advice
|
|
|
