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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
Meet the long lost family of Vincent Van Gogh....
They are (in no particular order, lol) 
His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store: Stopn Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh
His magician uncle: Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh
His Mexican cousin's American half brother: Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle: Flamin Gogh
His nephew the psychoanalyst: E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking: Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh
His Italian uncle: Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh
  
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| November 12, 2004, 15:31 |
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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
New weight loss program!!!!
Weight Loss program
A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers,there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you
can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lb as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/ 20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life,wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me. "He's out the door and after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself
and found he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years".
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch
you, you're mine."  
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| November 12, 2004, 15:34 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
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| November 12, 2004, 15:41 |
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bawbie
64 / female
mesa, Arizona, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
so, this woodpecker walks into a bar and asks "where's the bartender?
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| November 12, 2004, 16:01 |
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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
Even More Silliness....
College Pride
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"
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| November 12, 2004, 16:55 |
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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
This one made me suck coffee up my noes, lol! 
Surgeon's Souvenir
A surgeon was retiring from his long and rewarding career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career, he had saved the foreskins of his patients in specimen jars as momentos, and now wished to fashion them into a souvenir.
So he brought his hundreds of specimens to a leathersmith, and asked him to craft an article of fine artistic quality. "I'll see what I can do," said the artisan, "Check back with me in one week."
The surgeon returned one week later, eager to see what magnificent article the leathersmith had made for him. The leathersmith presented him a wallet.
"All those foreskins and you only make me a wallet?" exclaimed the surgeon.
The leathersmith replied "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."
Pepper
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| November 12, 2004, 16:58 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
QUOTE (pepper @ November 12, 2004, 16:58)This one made me suck coffee up my noes, lol!
Surgeon's Souvenir
A surgeon was retiring from his long and rewarding career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career, he had saved the foreskins of his patients in specimen jars as momentos, and now wished to fashion them into a souvenir.
So he brought his hundreds of specimens to a leathersmith, and asked him to craft an article of fine artistic quality. "I'll see what I can do," said the artisan, "Check back with me in one week."
The surgeon returned one week later, eager to see what magnificent article the leathersmith had made for him. The leathersmith presented him a wallet.
"All those foreskins and you only make me a wallet?" exclaimed the surgeon.
The leathersmith replied "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."
Pepper
That one is older then me! 
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| November 12, 2004, 17:10 |
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Tease
47 / female
small town, Minnesota, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
Thats pretty old then huh 
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| November 12, 2004, 18:46 |
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bawbie
64 / female
mesa, Arizona, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
tha treminds me-
last year there was a baby boy born in scottsdale without eyelids. evantualy,he was circimsiced and the tissue was fashioned into eyelids.
he's doing fine, just a little cock-eyed.
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| November 13, 2004, 07:11 |
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Tease
47 / female
small town, Minnesota, US
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Re: Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
QUOTE (bawbie @ November 13, 2004, 07:11)tha treminds me-
last year there was a baby boy born in scottsdale without eyelids. evantualy,he was circimsiced and the tissue was fashioned into eyelids.
he's doing fine, just a little cock-eyed.
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| November 13, 2004, 08:41 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
there once was a man from milnockit who stuck his dink in a socket along comes a bitch who turned on the switch and he took off like a rocket , there once was a girl from ahlua who said no one could screw her along comes a chink with a cast iron dink and bored a hole right through her .
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| November 14, 2004, 16:40 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.
The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."
Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000 -- a lot of money -- but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.
The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk "I want you to pace yourself. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you
cost me, a lot of money; consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there.
Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh,Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shhhh, they're getting closer !"
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| November 15, 2004, 05:42 |
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pepper
56 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
ROFLMAO!!!!
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| November 15, 2004, 08:55 |
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sunbuff10
70 / male
Tidewater area, Virginia, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
My Penis Died Today
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last
of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy, asked if there was anything wrong "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "my penis died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences. The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Goldstein," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas." "But, Nurse
Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my penis died." "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas ?" asked Nurse Tracy. "Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing."
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| November 15, 2004, 15:24 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
shimmy shimmy co co pop my pants are full of poo poo
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| November 16, 2004, 16:22 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
silly tongue twister....
I'm a pheasant plucker
I pluck mother pheasants,
I'm a very pleasant, mother pheasant plucker !
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| November 17, 2004, 05:20 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
Here's a couple for y'all to try out... even in ya' have heard 'em before!
Try saying this real fast:
One smart fella
he felt smart.
Two smart fellas
they both felt smart.
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| November 17, 2004, 05:27 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
Damn button!!
Here's the other one.... similar to Chazzy's...
I'm a fig plucker
I pluck figs.
I'm the best fig plucker
that ever plucked a fig.
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| November 17, 2004, 05:28 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
mmmmmm! Roast pheasant with fig stuffing !!
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| November 17, 2004, 05:30 |
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bbirdhasfun
40 / male
Ventura, California, US
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Re: Just a little silliness to start the weekend!
I heard this one at work: A married man gets a tatoo of his wifes name on his penis. It says WENDY when erect and WY when not erect. He takes a trip to Jamaica and while in a restroom standind at a urinal he peeks over at the guy standing next to him and sees WY. He says "we must have the same tatoo, is your wifes name wendy too?" The man replies "no mine says WELCOME TO JAMAICA AND HAVE A NICE DAY.
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| November 17, 2004, 19:28 |
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